ASKING FOR LOST OF HELP!!!!

Hi Willie, My husband had a lot of concerns prior to surgery. The main one was if I would respond to the "new way of eating" or rebel by going into depression, regrets etc. The best thing he did for me was to share his concern with me. Of course I didn't know how I would do either but just talking about it helped. He also wondered how we would eat. How could he eat without making it hard on me? Well, we decided to "Let Go, Let God" and do you know what? We haven't had a bit of trouble adjusting. Jack, my hubby kept a notebook going of questions to ask the Dr., things to do etc. This helped tremendously. Took the worry of remembering it off me!!!! (We're in our mid 50's so senior moments due occur!) Also when she has her psych visit is a good time to bring up these concerns. As far as your wife's surgery happening so fast.... I can't relate. It took 2 months just to get my first appt. with my surgeon!!! A total of 5 months til surgery. FYI There is a forum for the spouses of WLS people. It might be a good place for you. Hats off to you for wanting the best for your wife. I know you will do just fine. Donna C. lap/rny 7/7/04

I went to my doc's seminar on july 13 and have a tentative surgery date for August 9. This is really really fast, but I consider myself very very lucky. If surgery gets put off more it really interferes with MY schedule and I run a bigger risk of letting past bad experiences with surgery and quack doctors scare me out of what is now a necessity for me. Just make sure that you really, really research your doctors and ask lots of questions. if their office is as accomodating as my doc's is they will be more than happy to talk to you. On the flip side, if you all think it's moving too fast and you need moretime to research ask them to postpone it. Remember it's about your comfort zone and how you feel. I have had doctors pushing this at me for over 2 years now and I didn't want any part of it. But, I spent the last 2 years researching the procedures so that I know physcially what all will happen even though I have a lot of questions about how my pouch will react and that can't be answered until after surgery. If you all are ready for the surgery then getting in and treated is a big blessing because it seems like the norm is a lot longer to get approved and scheduled. just my 2 cents.

Willie, I had to wait a year for surgery so I had a lot of time to prepare. I think the advice people have given you so far is great. What I can tell you is what my boyfriend does for me. I met him after I had surgery, but still had a lot of weight to lose. He made it his business to learn everything he could about the surgery. He does the cooking more than half the time and makes sure that I get in lots of protein. He tells me frequently how much he admires me for doing this for myself and no matter how saggy my skin gets, tells me that I'm beautiful. Just be there for your wife. Tell her how much you love her and think of this as a journey that you're taking together. Best of luck to both you and Paris. Connie

Your support for your wife is critical. You need to keep abreast as to how she is feeling and for you too. My husband has not said 2 positive word about my surgery and results. I can tell you i am very hurt. I had my surgical consult 12-15-03 and surgery was 1-29-04. It may be fast as your doctor is not really busy or backed up at all. If you still have alot of concern call the Dr.'s office on Monday. Barb

Willy - I had my surgery 2 weeks after I was approved (the doctor wanted to do it 3 days but I felt that was a little soon). I am glad that it was that quick, since I didn't have time to really think about it. Just about 3 days I started to panic, but I knew I couldn't back out that close to surgery. Just think that the sooner she has it done, the better she will feel. It still isn't easy (I tend to have days where nothing stays down, and I learned how to be quiet in public bathrooms if something doesn't agree with me.) but I am so happy that I had it done so soon after the approval. As for support, just let her know how well she is doing. And understand when she eats something that doesn't agree with her. Some times, you feel so bad you just want to die. I would say hold her head when she can't tolerate food, but even I won't hold my head when I don't. Just be as supportive as you can. When she starts to lose the weight, take her on shopping trips or by her little gifts and even more important tell her how proud you of her. Good luck, and best wishes. It is something that she will never regret. Margaret

Willie, Great for you man, supporting your wife this way. My wife was also very supportive, but I did all of the reading up on it, and spent a good bit of time calming her fears. Do check up on the physician, and the hospital. I was fast tracked as well. From the time I decided to ask about it, to the time of my operation was just a bit over a month. The best thing you can do is all of the pre-op questioning you can about your wife's care that she will receive and the Dr.'s track record. There is some risk by having this surgery. But there is enormous risk for carrying morbid obesity in to later years. You just don't see a lot of fat folks over the age of 60. If Paris and you move forward with this, the greatest thing you can do is make sure that you and or family is there with her in the hospital to serve as her advocate. Having some one you love watchdog over you at the hospital is the surest way to avoid complications and un-even care due to a staffing error or oversite. Best wishes to you two- Dx