Nervous Mindless Animal Cracker Snacking After Decision to Put Dad in Hospice

My mother and I signed the paperwork to admit Dad into Hospice this weekend. The magnamity of this decision i****ting me hard--lots of tears and stupid animal cracker munching. While I truly know that the enormous decision was the right and humane one, reality slapped me hard to see the IVs disconnected, medications abandoned and morphine in effect.

Dad, who just turned 80 on 1/15, is suffering from late-stage Alzeimer's coupled with pneumonia; his ability to swallow is greatly diminished as aspiration is occurring and will likely remain. He has been in a nursing home for the past year and a half, and his quality of life has been so awful, as has my mother's. She has religiously gone to stay with him twice a day without fail; the giant guilt factor haunts her. Both my parents have been living in a hellish prison for so many months; it's time for this agony to stop.

Dad will enter a Hosice facility to keep him comfortable durng this end-stage in the next few days. I will be making the five-hour drive to North Florida (Gainesville) again on Thursday night. I am thankful that my supervisor, co-workers and DJJ family are so understanding and accommodating. I need to knock off this mindless munching of animal crackers; it's total stress eating and oddly comforts me, but it's the wrong food choice. Somehow water doesn't satisfy like the little crackers do.

I didn't expect to feel so emotional; I need to handle the feelings without turning to food. First real challenge since 3/31/09 wls, it seems...

Thanks for listening.

~Linda

You and your mother are wonderful people. Who better to help your dad through this end stage in his life than his loving wife and daughter. Take peace in knowing that you are doing the right thing.

As for the munching, forgive yourself. This is one of the hardest things you will face in life.
And if you show a little weakness, thats ok.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your mom and your dad at this time.

Dani

Oh, honey, of course you're stressed and if you found food comforting in the past (I sure did) it makes sense that's what you'd want to turn to now.  Even when you know you're making the most loving choice you can (and I think you are, I used to work for a hospice and they are usually just wonderful) that doesn't make the grief any easier.

One thing that may help is that hospices always have social workers and chaplains on staff to help family  members as well as patients.  You don't have to be particularly religious to see the chaplain and get help from him or her, either.  Some hospices also offer support groups for family members.  If not they can probably refer you to a support group in the community.  They also often have volunteers that can just sit with the patient and also spend time with the family, and the volunteers have usually been with many patients at there last moments and may be able to offer some comfort.  Take advantage of all the support you can get.

Does hot herbal tea feel good at all?  I find that kinda comforting or soothing or relaxing, or whatever.  It's sure not the same as munching but it might help. 

Do really gentle things for yourself.  Long bubble baths, long walks, soothing music, whatever.  You might think of ways you'd comfort your mother, or even ways you'd comfort a small child that was losing a parent, and try to treat yourself the same way.  You wouldn't feed a little child a bunch of food that was bad for her, right?  So what would you do instead?

Kelly

Certainly people have done worse things than eat animal crackers to cope with the toughest part of life.  Be kind to your self during this difficult time.  (((hug)))

Laura

I remember being with dad when we made this decision for my mum. she had endstage colon cancer that had spread everywhere. We made her comfortable and stayed with her practically 24/7.

I had to leave eventually, as the doctors couldn't say how long she would hold on. (after their initial 12 hours extended to 72 and holding). My sister arrived in California from her home in Georgia, I passed the torch to her, and returned to AZ for my surgical consultation for WLS. She died that day.

I had NO IDEA how it would affect me. We'd known for more than a year that she was losing her battle with colon cancer. I thought I was prepared. I thought I'd said everything I could say. I didn't know how deep the pain would be. I didn't know how hard it would be. I didn't realize how long I would feel this sharp pain of loss.

Dad was visiting me just last month, barely three years after mum passed on, and I realized that the sharpest pain was gone.... though the hole would never be filled. I woke up this morning thinking about her, and I felt a happy smile inside, for all the GOOD memories I have of her.

May time heal.... may peace come.

Linda:

My 91 year old mother recently fell in her room at an assisted living center and was on the floor for 3 hours before they found her. She is temporarily now in skilled nursing.
When I took her last week to see her dr. of 30 years, he told me it was time to consider hospice and pallative meds only. The past week has been hell - dealing w/ getting everything set up (I do not have her MPOA - my brother does.)
I noticed I was eating junk and finally threw everything out in the trash. I am forcing myself (and I know it is forcing) to eat only healthy things. It sucks at times when your coping mechanism of food is not healthy!
Hang in there.
Anne

(((((HUGS)))))

My mother also has Alzheimer's and has reached the stage where Saturday she had no clue who I was. It's a terrible disease that is harder on the survivors than the patient so don't be too hard on yourself. Once your mind settles down and truly realizes that you did what is right for your father I'm sure the mindless eating will stop.

Oh Linda, my heart goes out to you and your Mom.  I wish there was something magical that I could say that would lesson your pain.  Emotional eating will always be a challenge for me .... while I agree with you that we need to handle the feelings without turning to food, that is easier said then done.  And at least it is only animal crackers .... there are a lot of other foods that you could do more damage with. It is terrific that you have the support of the family and work ... at least it makes a difficult time more bearable. 

You and your family are in my thoughts ... I wish you much strength to get your through this difficult time.  OH Family HUG 

I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Be kind and very gentle to yourself. Let the tears fall because this is something to cry over. As I write this I'm am tearing up.

May God keep you and bless you for today and always.