sometimes i feel like lisa marie sohr...

Thanks for sharing that article, I really absorbed it.  maRIa

In the article she talks about how she had no friends left to stand up in her wedding. It resonated alot with me too...

It's so important to remember that people's behavior is an ongoing source of information about *them,* not us.

I think that in the dynamics of friendship, certain people have a certain expectation and comfort zone that you will always be the fat friend. Than we go and change all that with weight loss and some people do not like it!

I think generally people who are happy with themselves and their lifes are genuinely happy for us with weight loss, but those that belong in the misery loves company category begrudge the weight loss.

I remember when a coworkr from a few yrs back found out I weighed less than her, she carried on like she found out I had slept with her husband. I guess her comfort zone was that I would always be the nurse fatter than her.

People are strange.

I lost a great deal of weight about 6 years ago (gained it all back shortly after) and I lost my best friend of 18 years. She was insanely jealous of the attention I got, of the outgoing person I became. She started spreading rumors about me, telling our other friends not to be friends with me, etc. Our friendship completely dissolved over it, but you know what? I wouldn't change anything for the world. It was HER problem, not mine, and it just shows that she was not friendship material. My only regret is wasting 18 years on her in the first place.

When you re-invent yourself you find out who your friends are. If your old friends aren't what you need anymore or vice versa, then find new ones. I have a large group of women (and men) friends I am with on a daily or at least weekly basis that I met through our local support group and a local online group. We go out for lunch or coffee during the week, another group of us meets on weekends. Saturday morning could be for breakfast or Saturday night dancing. You have to go out and make new friends if you've grown away from the old ones. It happens but there's lots of new opportunities out there. You just have to go find them. And a true friend will be happy for you and your newfound health and happiness.

I teach "when you get into recovery, you have to change everything - your playground, your playthings and your playmates" (I'm a drug/alcohol counselor and they say this in 12 step communities as well)

Changing eating out all the time - is changing my playground

Changing out the crap I was keeping in my house and shopping differently - changing my playthings

Changing my playmates - well, I socialize with people and we no longer drink, so what do we do? We EAT now. I have already backed off of a few of my friends (and surprise surprise one of them has HAD wls and is sabotaging my efforts to prep for this gig... pissed me the hell off)
And I don't go out to the high fat places anymore. 

I plan on (ha, we'll see) joining some type of group thing, like karate, taking classes and staying busy.

My fat was keeping me in its own prison, I'll be damned if getting skinny does the same thing.

Pre-ops that have psychological issues i.e. depression etc. pre-op will most definitely have whatever they had post-op and even more profoundly  because we are no longer using food as an anesthetic.  Emotions get real loud, we are no longer soft and round, but sharp.

Yes, people do change, and we change too BUT a person with a healthy core is resilient.  Yeah, we go down but we get up, we survive, we thrive.  So it was not the WLS.

PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO GET PROFESSIONAL HELP IF YOU NEED IT.  It is not normal to feel like Maria.  You must reach out.

Best,
L

Thanks. I know you are right. I can always go see someone I used to talk to about food addiction...she will be surprised to see me like this!. Thanks to all for responding. Talking with all you on the board makes me feel less lonely for sure. Never did i think before my wls that i would be sitting here in the future feeling alone....like i said it doesnt matter what anyone might have told me....would not have believed i could have felt anything but sheer joy and happiness when i lost weight . I used to know how I fit in with the eaters and I knew how to be ethel to lucy and gayle to oprah.I dont much enjoy eating anymore and i'm not someone's assistant or lady in waiting, therefore I dont want to be bffs with a man or woman obsessed with food cuz i dont get that anymore....Good thinking L. I will meditate and be resilient. I was way anesthetized before...that is the perfect way to describe it.

Hugs and thanks again
KW

After reading a few of these posts. I can't help but feel a little used. Like many of you I have a best friend and she has now stop talking to me because of my weight loss. It makes me feel that she was only a friend to me because I was fat and evidently I did a lot for her self esteem. I guess I made her feel better about herself because she wasn't over weight like me. (She didn't have to walk in my shoes) I guess she was comfortable telling me all of the things she was able to do, all of the things she was able to wear and all of the attention she received. Now that I have lost a little over 50lbs and feeling great about myself, where is she? I can't find the friend that I have sat with millions of times telling her how beautiful she was and stroking her egg. All which was the truth anyway but the gesture is not reciprocated. I do miss her terrible but like I have always said I thank God everyday for all He has given me and for all He has taken away!

Many Blessings,

*Lorie*