Jealous friends?

Hey Rebecca,

I know exactly how you feel.  I actually have been what I call "unfriended" by 2 people in my life since my surgery.  I even find my sister has stopped talking to me because of it all.  With one of my friends it was because we were both big - and we shared all of our experiences together...plus-size shopping, movie theatres, restaurants.  But now whenever I call her to go out for a bite or to catch a movie, she's suddenly busy...when I approached her about it, she told me in a pretty scathing way that it must be nice to have money to fix all of my problems.  She may not realize that I had to take a loan out to take this step - and how hard we all have to work post-surgery not just physically but mentally and emotionally adapting to all of these changes, but that was pretty hurtful.  I stepped back to give her time to think about it and then approached her once more but she blew me off - so I've decided that I'm going to surround myself with positive, successful people who can accept who I am at face value.  My other friend was a thin athlete, she hates her job, is single and angry at men and is kind of bitter but I loved her all the same - we went through some pretty tough things together and she always prided herself on the fact that she could give me encouragement and motivate me to take more classes or show me a new healthy recipie to add to my diet list.  When I went ahead and took the plunge, I think she felt like I didn't need her anymore - and though I tried to tell her that we have so much more to share - she's basically tuned out.  

You're doing the right thing in realizing that maybe you've grown past them.  Sometimes misery loves company and sometimes people keep "friends" in their lives to make them feel better/compensate for one of their shortfalls.  That may not be the case for your friends but...it may be.  THey may feel threatened that you'll leave them behind and so they lash out in the only way they can.  It's up to you to decide if you want to pursue them and try to dig deeper into WHY they're doing this or acting this way or if you think maybe they're not worth the trouble and start pouring your energy into finding new, more positive connections.  Either way, I think you're a very self-aware individual and know exactly what you need.

Congratulations on your bravery and on taking these steps alone. Don't ever stop standing up for yourself and being proud of all of the hard work that has gotten you to where you are today...at the very least, you know that we understand - with WLS, there is NO easy way out!!

Sadly, for most people, there is safety in numbers. And the numbers I'm referring to are the big ones on the scale.

I look back at my weight in High School. As I recall, I must have been around 140 and "tragically", the fattest of my group, by far. There was only one other person I traded clothes with, and she and I were considered 'fat' by most other people (curiously usually only the boys and really -at least not to our faces- by the girls). I started working with horses and lost 20lbs very quickly and boy, did I start getting attention! Of course I was now away from my h.s. buddies so nobody really got to see me thinner. At that weight, 20 lbs is a LOT.

There is something naive and sad about being the fat one with seemingly inseparable friends who are not fat. I don't mean on YOUR part..I mean on THEIR part. How incredibly rude that they aren't encouraging you or celebrating your weight loss--and practically avoiding you since your surgery. And have the nerve to complain about where you eat? I'd be on the lookout for new friends. They aren't doing you any favors. But also having said that, anyone who's had WLS can always find SOMETHING at a restaurant to eat, even if it's hard to look at people eating ridiculously now. I know for me it is incredibly sickening sometimes to see people and how/what they choose to eat. But it wouldn't stop me from going out and being social. And having said that, again, your FRIENDS know you have had to make significant changes in your lifestyle and if THEY can't be flexible, then you don't have to be either. You're not getting anything positive out of this relationship, so why bother with them anymore?

Simply put, they felt superior to you at one point and now they see you as a threat.