surgery secret

You can tell them you are having a hiatal hernia repair but really, you should know they are going to figure it out. You go to the hospital, have surgery, come home and drinking your food for a few weeks and suddenly you are losing weight like crazy. They WILL know and denying it will make them talk even more.

This topic comes up fairly often here on OH.  Some of the responses I've seen are the "female surgery" but the one I like the best is, "I'm having medically necessary surgery" and this is all that you need to tell your employer.  Your doctor can write you that exact wording if you need it to get approval for paid leave, etc.  That doesn't tell them anything more than what they need to know.  For persistant folk (and there are always some out there; you can say you appreciate their concern but you don't care to discuss the details).  If you lose weight rapidly and are questioned about it you won't be lying to anyone by saying you are on a new diet and exercise program.  Good luck to you on a speedy recovery and fabulous new, healthy life!

The decision to tell or not tell is completely up to you.  I was honest with my co-workers, friends and family and everyone I knew was 100% supportive.  When I came back from disability my colleagues gave me so many healthy presents (arm weights, gift certificates to get new clothes, yoga mats, pedometer, heart rate monitors, weight loss magazines,  plus lots more).   And 7 months out I have not gone one day with at least hearing from one person at my job that I look great (yeah I still have a long way to go, however, they knew where I came from and they knew that I battled a weight problem for most of my life).   I consider myself lucky that NO ONE in my life had any petty comments or tried to talk me out of the surgery, etc.

Don't feel like you have to tell anyone your business. Bottom line you don't owe them an explanation.  If they persist with asking, just politely tell them "thanks for your interest, however, I don't want to talk about it and immediately change the subject.  Now with that being said when you lose weight, they probably will talk behind your back to each other, since they REALLY don't know what you did.  Rumors unfortunately start when people don't know the truth.  

 

thanks for all the great advice...it's so weird that i feel so self concious about a surgery to be healthy..i mean if it was anything else i would think twice to just tell people...even female stuff..but for some reason doing a WLS makes me feel....i don't know...different...can't explain it...i guess because i have tried and failed at losing weight so many times before.

I did not tell my coworkers ahead of time as I did not want to hear the comments, anecdotes and horror stories that everyone seems to have.  It was no easy task as I work in the same hospital where I had surgery.

It is a slippery slope for me as I believe that by hiding it, I would somehow bring shame to it. And I don't feel like that at all. Seriously- I was so anxious. I just did not want to listen to it, no matter how well meaning my friends might be. And-  really, I did not want any visitors as I knew I would feel like **** afterwards. So, I told my boss only. When she knew I was safely out of the OR on that Monday, she called my office mates together and told them where I was.

It is a very personal decision to tell. But I am not ashamed. My life is an open book where my WLS is concerned.

And besides- I was an eating machine pre-op. 4 weeks of liquids followed by 4 weeks or pureed then 4 weeks of soft foods...all eaten out of a thimble...was gonna look suspicious. I work with a bunch of other nurses! Our hospital is a Bariatric COE. I weighed 343. It would not take much to figure it out.

I'm proud of my surgery. It is nothing to hide from.

If you don't want to tell your coworkers any more than that- don't. But be prepared for the whispers to come later.

It is hard. There are no easy answers.

I am the same way, I am going to tell them I am having my gall bladder out laproscopically, they do that these days and I still have my can only hope that nothing happens to my gall bladder where I will really have to have it done some day.  I have not been scheduled for my sleeve yet, but insurance has approved it and I am waiting to hear if I have to visit any other doctors for approval, maybe a nutritionist, should hear this week.  Good luck and keep in touch.

Awwww...that hits a nerve with me....you have not tried and failed so many times...why do we all do this to ourselves? We should remember that we tried. We keep trying, that's why we are here. Your a vp? What a great postition of leadership girl! Ohh, by the way, I'm a teacher. You are a wonderful role model to your students and staff....yes, we look up to you too. I told everyone what I was doing...yes, there were some people that gave me the look or said "oh" and you almost knew what they were thinking. Then, I started really losing weight and the thin people would exclaim, "oh my gosh, you are doing great, what things do you eat etc..." The overweight people just kind of kept quiet. Never questioned me....lol...like it could be contagious.  Another reaction from the overweight group was to start explaining to me all their efforts to lose or say "I know, I should be dieting/exercising more....like I was the weight police. I lost my "fat" membership with that group.  This is a difficult decision for people, to tell or not to tell. A lot of it depends on personality...if you are private or reserved, you're more likely not to tell. If you're like me, bless your heart...lol, I'm an open book and share everything....food, supplies, pictures, gifts....it's just me. Be true to your own heart. If you are the tough vp that is no nonsense...stay the course. If you share things with your staff and kids, trust them...they will not let you down...share this journey too, you will be enriched for it. Off topic, a principal and vice principal were shot by a teacher here on Wed. It's been hard for all of us. They are both young women 39 and 40. One is stable and the other critical. The man was apparently not being recommended for rehire and he lost it, went back to his room or car, got the gun and shot them in the office. Two students were still at school in the office and the secretary shoved them under her desk, it is an elementary school. They were unharmed. He was caught a mile away. I hope you make a decision that feels good to you. Keep us updated, we support you.       Connie

I said I was having my gall bladder removed because of gall stones. The recovery is about the same, I think...

thanks for the support you guys are great. sorry to hear about the administrators that were shot...my heart goes out to their family.

i don't think people at school will miss me eating with them i'm so busy most of the time i rarely have time to sit and eat properly...a lot of the teachers are my friends they were my friends before i became an administrator so i will have to tell them someday....did any of you ever feel like you were doing something wrong by not doing it the old fashion way?  i mean from what i have read throughout this site and others it is no easy journey but people may perceive it as one because they don't understand what you are going through. i know it's not going to be easy but i think people are going to think i'm weak because i didn't do it the "hard way" or what they considered is the "right way"...i probably just shouldn't care....but unfortunately i do...that is part of the reason i don't want to tell anyone.

I also have an executive position and chose not to tell anyone beyond my immediate family.

I simply told those at work that I was having "a little plumbing" done. Many assumed, I think, that it was "female surgery" but I never actively lied about any specific procedure.

Of course, they notice my weight loss now but I still have not told them about surgery. If someone asks, I tell them that i had developed some health problems, and I wasn't getting any younger - so losing weight made sense. The truth is, I think most have forgotten about the days I missed due to surgery last summer.

In my workplace, being overweight was viewed negatively and I felt that my professional credibility was compromised by weight. I felt very guilty and ashamed of my weight, and that is probably part of my decision to keep this confidential. On another level,  though, I am a private person and certainly think medical issues are personal ones.

You don't owe anyone an explanation.