Government Cheese...
Okay, so I have a few friends on OH that want to know when I'm going to update my blog. Well, the fact is that I just don't have time. But what I do have time to do is copy and paste an old one for the whole board to read. See there...I'm a problem-solver...right? Hope you all enjoy it.
Mike
My First Love
Now that I am at a weight that I am comfortable with I have had a lot of time to think about my life as an obese individual. After much reflection I have found that my struggle with obesity can be traced back to just one thing…
Yes, that’s right, government cheese. It’s a little known fact that there are a few definite perks to growing up as a welfare child. You can impress all your friends in lunch line by not having to pay for your food! Christmas means many many toys from charity toy drives (just be sure to wash them first, you don’t wanna catch any rich kid germs from the previous owners). Last, but certainly not least is the perfectly shaped chunk of lactose bliss that comes bundled in a cardboard box known as government cheese. They say that the best things in life are free…and this cheese of the gods is no exception. From the point that the first smooth morsel graced my lips…it was love.
This amazing dairy miracle was a Trojan Horse though…laying in wait like an out of shape ninja to make me fat. Through some research and facts that I made up for the blog entry I discovered the following…
Fact I Made Up #1: Government cheese actually contains crack. Much like the kind you find in Chinese food. Not enough to make you strung out, but just enough to make you addicted.
Fact I Made Up #2: The government purposely increases the calorie count in this cheese. They do this by feeding the cows…you guessed it, expired government cheese.
Fact I Made Up #3: Government cheese, much like chocolate, produces the same chemicals in your brain that love does. This explains why I still give it to love interest on Valentines Day.
So you may ask how I am making it through life now without my first love. Well, it’s by shear determination. Just deciding that I can’t have it and that I am strong enough to resist the beautiful siren call it gives off. That and the fact that I’m not poor enough to get it anymore! ~sigh~ I’ve looked for it on Ebay, on CraigsList, I’ve placed newspaper ads for it…and it’s just no where to be found. I’m worried that it may be lost to me forever. Sigh…such is love I suppose. If you love something you should let it go, and if it returns to you it means it was meant to be…please come back to me cheese.
I was just talking to my mother the other day about that cheese. The funny thing is that we LOVED that cheese. BUT we also got the butter. Oh....that butter and cheese was a deadly combination. I can't tell you how many grilled cheese sandwiches slathered with that delicious killer butter I ate as a child.
Oh yeah, the butter was good too. Sigh...but alas the government didn't do everything well. Like those big metal cans with the white labels. The labels just had 2 things on in: 1. A generic piece of clip art that showed a silhouette of a cow, a pig and a chicken I think and 2. In big black letters the word MEAT. But you never knew what kind of meat until you opened then can...and sometimes you still wasn't sure. Looking back now it's almost comical, but it makes me shutter to know that my mom used that in something that I inevitably ate... ~sadness~
Myself, I grew up overseas and we received something similar from the American Embassy supply stores. Ours came in small round tincans. It was very dense until heated, then it became seriously smooth and gooey... divine!!!
I too tried to find some for my husband's Christmas gift a few years back and had no luck!
Mmm...REAL BBQ...I miss that. When I first moved from TN to CA I kept hearing people say stuff like "yeah, we're gonna barbecue". I was pretty surprised how many people like bbq here until I realized that's just what they call a grill. Blah, that's not REAL bbq!
PS: If you ever find that Christmas gift for your husband, let me know where you got it! ;)
how delicious....
years ago a friend asked me to take her to pick up her supply, I did and since she had no money to give me- she INSISTED on giving me a block of her cheese!
I didn't want to take it- but she insisted!
ooooo..... what a pleasant surprise inspite of the neon orange color (which apparently indicates that is REAL GOVT CHEESE- the representative whose district had the manufacturer of artificial food coloring insisted on helping the company with a govt contract .. [my own twisted reason for the color])
THAT stuff was wonderful.
I began asking her when it was time for the cheese & butter because i'd be very happy to take her... lol
ah such happy memories....
now if i could just find someone that needs a ride to the handout location...... hmmmmm
We were poor... but I didn't think we were THAT POOR. (Mom was a widow getting SS for us four kids.) I always thought there were other people who would appreciate it more (and eat it). She'd get it, bring it home, and we'd eat just a tiny bit of it. Three months later we'd be throwing the half dried and cracked, half green-fuzz covered block in the trash.
Because she worked, my mom always got there at the end of the distribution, so the butter was all gone long before she got there. I think she got some flour a couple of times.
The last government food I ever had was some canned pork my elderly aunt received when I was in college. She and my cousin just thought it was the best. I remember it had huge chunks of fat in it. I did my best to choke it down and appear grateful they were feeding me. The next time I came to visit, I think I splurged and treated them to chinese food using my minimum wage work study pay. (Mostly to avoid eating more of that pork!)
