My Dear Beloved OH Friends I Have some very sad news

So sorry to hear of your loss!  I will pray for you and your family.  I believe as you do that God can do anything and I believe your wonderful husband is looking down.  God Bless you dear one in your time of grief...Sincere sympathy because no one can walk in your shoes.  Patty

Can't even pretend to know whats you're going through so I won't try. I heard Greg laurie speaking yesterday about this very subject. All I can offer is a link to his book after he lost his son last year. Its very inspiring

good luck

http://www.harvest.org/store/display.php?cat=39&zid=1&lid=1& cartid=200908120000198&psku=BLHOPE

You and your family are in my prayers.  May God keep you during your time of loss.

Sherline

Your story hit me like a ton of bricks.  Depression is something that no one can really understand unless you live it.  And Suicide (I hate that word), has it's own negative vibe.  My brother took his life at the age of 31.  Luckily he didn't have children to bear the loss, but he left a wife, a sister, parents and other family and friend.  He will be gone 14 years this coming Sunday.   I don't know how you are feeling, and I won't pretend to know.  The only thing I can share is my experience and feelings.. and the one this I can say to you is... YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!.  I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but believe me, you are not alone.  I think that is why when I hear that someone has lost someone to suicide, i want to run over to them and wrap my arms around them and just tell them that you are not alone.  I did do some group therapy, and that was the one thing that kept running through my thoughts.  I am not alone.  I am not crazy, my thoughts and feelings are like others.  I took solace in those thoughts.  Now granted, I didn't seek support until I could understand completely why he made this decision.  I walked around for months trying to find pieces of a puzzle that I was putting together.  I was a bit obsessed about it... and when I didn't want to find those pieces any longer, i felt myself understanding, and then that is when I got support.   I realized that I didn't need to understand, I didn't need to know why he would do such a thing, why he would do that to us, his family, but that wasn't the answer.  If he did think about such things he would still be here. 

I guess they are in so much pain that they need to control it. Frankly at this point it doesn't matter how, why... I think now on how lucky i was to have him a part of my life.  And he is here, I know that.  It used to **** me off because he has missed so much of my kids lives, and he loved kids so much.  It pissed me off that he left me to handle everything (meaning my parents).  I am now an only child.  When it comes to making decisions regarding my parents when they become older and are unable to care for themselves, I will have to be the one to handle everything by myself.  I won't have a sibling to help me out.

I usually tell people that I have been wounded, and while there is a bandaid over the wound, the wound it still there and will be for the rest of my life.  Life does go on... but you already know that.

If I could give you advise it would be listen to your heart.  If you are feeling bad, or sad.. let it be.  Don't hold it it.  People tell you to be strong, but you don't have to be strong 24/7.  Take the time to feel the loss.  14 years later, there are times when i just feel bad and those are the days I take time for myself.  As I said Sunday is 14 years.  I just had my RNY two weeks ago and as you know, the roller coaster of feelings (hormones) has taken off.  I want to do something on Sunday to celebrate his life, but as I have experienece the anniversaries, I have done several things.  I have spread his ashes (on the 4th anniversary), I have stayed in bed allll day, I have spent time with my best friend, I have spent time with my family.  I don't make plans for the day , I just let it play out....

This first year is going to be rough.. it will be a year of firsts without him.  Do what your heart tells you and don't listent to what others do.  They do not know how you are feeling, they don't know what your life is like, they don't have the answers, only you do in your heart...  listen to it... It's very wise and it will be good to you in your decisions.

Let me know if you want to chat more... as I said before, i am wrapping my arms around you... you are not alone.

Tracy

I am so sorry to hear about your husband!  My thoughts and prays are with you and your family. 

What a beautiful, heartfelt post, lejoyrothe. I'm sure it will help Tami, and probably, even, you, some more.

And Tami, I cannot imagine your loss.

You want to know why that is?...Well, because I've never had anyone love me as it sounds like your husband loved you.

Focus on that gift, and remember and honor it for all it was worth -- which was a lot, I can tell.

I understand your feeling as if there's not much inspiration or excitement in carrying on with your new lifestyle efforts without what you saw as one of the major reasons for it. But, try to find reasons of your own, for yourself, to do it. That's the only way it will really continue to work, long-term, anyway, and I know you can do this. Take the time and care. It will be worth it, just for yourself.

And, as someone else suggested, write down your feels, memories and thoughts about your husband and your life together, and even, his condition and how you all dealt with it. It will help you, eventually. And, someday, the records will be appreciated by others who may read/share them, too.

I'll say a prayer for you, your husband and your family, and keep you in my thoughts.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss.

To say I'm sorry to hear about your loss - doesn't come close. You have to promise that you'll reach out to the boards and the friends that you've made for support in the days to come. Focus on your kids and helping them deal with this loss. As traumatic as it is for you - it can be even harder on them as they don't always have the coping skills to see them through.

You're going to feel like you've become a juggler in the next few months. I remember asking friends who'd already dealt with losses -"How long before life gets back to normal?" You'll have to find a new normal. A balance. Taking care of your kids. Taking care of yourself. Well meaning friends and what have you. You have your faith - that's apparent. I'm assuming you have a church family? Lean on them. They want and need to help.

Keep a close eye on your kids. Make sure they have someone to talk to about what's happened, A family member, a friend, a church member or even a paid professional. It's going to be tough. One of my sons would not mention his Dad. The oher one talked about him non-stop. And yes it's okay to let your kids see you cry. They need to see it actually. Our husbands are/were and can be our biggest cheerleaders and our highest hurdles. It's a very complicated relationship while they're alive and that relationship doesn't stop just because one spouse dies. Not a lot of folks understand that. If there is a grief support group in your area - get involved - NOW. The folks in these groups have tons of knowledge that will help you now and further out.

Shoot me a PM anytime. I'm always around the computer during the week. Not so much on weekends anymore. Helping others navigate through this horrible chapter in their lives - continues to help me heal and grow stronger through my own grief. My husband died nearly 8 years ago at 33 years old. It was 2 days before our 12th wedding anniversary.

You will make it through this. I know it doesn't seem possible - but you will.

God Bless!
- Iris

I am soooooo sorry for your loss. I am sending an angel your way and will be saying a prayer for you and your family!

My heart goes out to you...so sorry for your loss...my mom passed away in 96 from smoking/lunch cancer and I talk to her quite often...it helps me to ease the pain of her loss.