Toxic Trauma Drama

Connie, I think you hit the nail on the head.  You were meant to do what you do.  I think people like you are angels on earth.  I lost a very good friend in your area because she was unable to have WLS and due to her obesity she could no longer care for her special needs child.

Another thing that I think you have shown is that we each have stories....would someone think twice about being unkind to you on a board IF they knew what you did for a living?  Maybe yes, maybe no but knowing the story helps us understand that we are each human beings and deserve respect or at least going back to the golden rule thing.  I am amazed when some people say things to others that they would never tolerate if directed at them. 

Our disease causes us to do a lot of black and white thinking.  Some posters don't even realize that when they make a statement that they regard as gospel...well...it just makes others that don't think that way feel badly.  Things like politics or religion can do this in a split second.  Let's say that I say "well President (I'll use Lincoln) sucks".  Anyone that doesn't think that way either gets mad or feels "less than".  That statement says they are right and anyone else is wrong. Black and white.  Sometimes people fight over "my God is better than your God". 

I think we should celebrate our differences and learn from each other.  If we don't agree, we can agree to disagree but you don't have to discount a person over one opinion or belief.  I could be standing in front of a crowd speaking and giving great advice and someone could choose to throw out everything I say because I remind them of some blonde witch they know.  It's too bad we lose out of so much good stuff when we count someone out before they even begin. 

Sorry to get wordy on you.  I'm so glad you have a wonderful mom.  I miss mine so much but I know she sees me now....and she's the one that taught me to love my fellow man without judgment. 
Many many blessings, Y

Thank you so much for this!
Sometimes I don't like coming to the main board because of the my-surgery-is-the-best-for-everyone BS, but I think it's just a few people that cause that and invoke such borderline-psychotic attitudes. But it's hard for that much vitriole not to affect EVERYONE, I wish they could see what hurt they're ultimately causing.

We all come here for information, support and positive reinforcement. Let's not forget that!

And these are my favorite of your recipes for wellbeing:
4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
12. You are not so important that you have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

It is hard for it not to affect everyone but unfortunately we cannot control others and it really harms us personally if we allow it to.  The people that do the worst stuff are unhappy and want company but we can choose to rize above and keep our eyes on the prize.  I'm so glad you liked the ones you posted.  Like I said, reread 7 and 14!  I still dream of unconditional love and support and celebration of people's differences.  I love it when I meet someone that is totally different from me so that I can experience a new slice of life.  Thanks for your kind words.
Hugs, Y

YOU deserve a standing ovation! Thank-you for this wonderful post.

BTW- my 2 old cats don't mind if i'm not well adjusted and they seem to have turned out ok- not quite as sure if would have been the same if my hubby and I had children....

YES I TALK TO MY CATS- Doesn't everybody????

Thanks sweetie.  I talk to my cats too.  Lately I have been doing cat/kitten rescue in my neighborhood.  We have never had any stray cats and now I have 9 kittens in various places in my house trying desperately to socialize them and get them adopted.  The rescues are all full and it's killing me.  If you'd like to see the cutest kitty of all, I made a video and put it on you tube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2GCLBqH2Jo

Thanks for your kind words, Y

Hear! Hear! Excellent post.

Great post , Yvonne . I myself have been guilty of enjoying gossip . Or , judging people on what I see on the surface . Many times , especially lately , I try to remind myself that I have no idea what the other person is feeling , or has experienced . Daily , I try to improve myself & get rid of my inner Gossip girl . I especially liked # "14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about."  Kathy

Thanks Kathy,
We all go through life lessons and the most important part is to learn from them.  Gossip is intoxicating until it comes back on you or is about you.  I am very vigilant about keeping my side of the street clean and you are so great to point out #14.  I have a brother that is paranoid schizophrenic and people can be pretty mean about mental illness.  I had an ex boyfriend that asked me not to tell his parents about my brother and even though I am a huge wuss, that was why he's an ex.  If we could all experience walking in someone else's shoes a little more, I think we would get along a lot better.
hugs, Y

I totally agree with all of you.  I was soooo excited when I found out the ins at my new job covered WLS as I had been turned down 5 yrs ago.  I came back on the boards to socialize, get info and feel part of the community.  I didn't even know about the DS surgery until a few weeks ago, and actually I really do think it sounds great.  Kind of a have my cake and eat it too kind of deal, but for me it is just not an option, since there are no Dr.'s in my network, or even my state that do this surgery.  I just can't see going in debt or going out of state to get a DS when I can get the RNY for free.  I mean, it's great to know that option is there and what it's all about, but I feel my excitement and enthusiam is a little dimished because I was told "settling for an RNY will be the biggest mistake of my life".  Bummer.  Thanks for that.  I have my surgery consult for the RNY on 8/10 and hope to have surgery by the end of Sept.  I am just going to do the best I can.

My dearest Sherry.
I read your post right before I left and I've been in a huge hurry to get back to you because your post is so important.  This is the "toxic" part of my heading.  You are indeed a very lucky lady to have the surgery paid for.  I know so many that would do anything to have ANY surgery.  I am going to repeat this again and some will probably get sick of this statement but it is true.  I know people that have succeeded and failed in ALL surgery types personally.  DO NOT LET YOUR  EXCITEMENT DIMINISH.  It is of the utmost importance that you believe in yourself and your surgery.  My RNY was the miracle of my life.  I went from 30 years of obesity to 8 years as a thin person.  You must get your head in the right place and you cannot allow yourself to think you are getting "less than" because if you do, that's what you will get.  I have said many many times to find others that have what you want and ask them how they got it.  You need to hang around people that lift you up.  I can think of several people I know that are totally successful with lapband and RNY and the sleeve.  We have some various personality traits with this disease of obesity and like any group of people anywhere, you will find some that are strong, some that are bullies, some that don't ever learn to believe in themselves etc etc. 

I want you to be over the top about your surgery and do yourself a favor.  It is super important to keep your anxiety level down during your journey.  The reason is because it causes us to want to self medicate with food or other things.  Do not read threads that upset you.  NOTHING you say will change the minds of what people post.  I don't have an unkind word for anyone but I am grateful that I am not in the heads of many here.  I will not let them or anyone for that matter cause me to lose what I have fought so very hard for.  I am here for you any time you want to discuss things.  I hope to have something soon to share that is a print out of some key things. 

So do we have a deal?  Will you be excited now??  I failed for 30 years and I went in believing I would fail until I saw a couple of ladies a couple of years out and they succeeded so I gave myself permission not to fail.  For me...failure it not an option (of course there are instances where doctor's make mistakes) but if I am given the tool and it works properly, failure is not an option.  You can do this Sherry!
hugs, Y