OT: Advice regarding son joining Air National Guard

Diana,
I personally think EVERY able individual should to a few years in the military, but then again, I grew up military and married military, twice. lol In all honesty, this may be exactly what he needs to make him grow up and get focused. As for getting in, he will need the basics, birth cert., ss card, school records, they will want to know medical history and of course he will need to pass the asvab and drug test. As for benefits, well there are many of them, including medical, dental, vision, a steady paycheck depending how he enlists. If it was my son I would encourage him to go active duty and not part time. Active can offer way more benefits. As for Iraq and Afghanistan, those are always possabilities, as are other countries. My husband is 23 yrs in the Air Force, his college education has been FREE, he graduates in June with his bachelors, then 10 more classes and he has his masters. Full time would also give him a housing allowance if he didnt live on base, or he can live in the barracks on base. I would definately go with him as his options seem to have run out.

Good Luck, I hope it all works out for him. If you have questions after talking to the recruiter you can PM me.

Cathi

Diana,
I only wanted to make a comment about your son cause he sounds like he has many characteristics of adult ADD/ADHD.  Has he ever been tested for this?  Unfortunately at 23, unless he is willing to take control, there's not much you can do, but if you shove the outline of the disorder under his nose, maybe he might see himself.  Meds to help him reign his thoughts and learn to think ahead might make all the difference in the world.

I feel for you as you deal with your son.  I have a teenager with ADHD who could very easily be next in line for the same life.  I can only hope and pray that he continues taking his meds and learning to live with his disorder.
Good luck.
Kierston

Thank you for noticing this -- it is part of my concerns as well.

Over his childhood, he was diagnosed with mild ADD (and mild ODD and mild depression).  But for now, he has refused my repeated requests that he get assessed and treated if necessary.  Of course, the fact that he is obviously self-medicating is ignored.  On the list of requirements if we decide to let him stay here is that he ask for a mental health assessment and DO WHAT THEY SAY.

I personally think that the military can be a life saver (literally). I'd personally take your son to the recruiter and do everything it takes to enlist him. I would bypass the guard and go for active duty. My husband was a full fleged punk and trouble with a capitol T when he was that age. He joined the army reserves and it completely turned his life around. He will tell you that he was going absolutely no where and it was a struggle to graduate from high school. He enlisted, went to college and now he has his masters.

I hate to be an enabler but in this case I'd do everything I had to do to get the kid enlisted. I know it's not good to help too much (get all the required paperwork: birth certificates, social security card, dimploma etc...) but in this case I would do it. I plan on doing it if any of my 4 kids flounders after graduation.


MB

Update:

My son and I exchanged numerous emails after that first one over the course of the evening.  First, he sent me links to various listings of jobs/careers with various branches of the  service (Air Nat'l Guard, Coast Guard), and asked me which I thought he was most suited for.  I told him I was NOT going to pick his career for him, so he could blame me for picking wrong when he failed.  Then I told him that he'd better be certain about his level of commitment, because even if HE picked a career, if the military didn't think it was right for him, he wouldn't get it; and if he did get picked to study that career but failed at whatever he picked, they would put him whereever they wanted.

Suddenly, the tone of our communications changed -- he accused me of not being supportive, that I was expecting him to fail and not giving credence to his assertions that he was trying to change.  And then -- why was I pushing him into the military -- just to get him off my back -- and that I was putting him in a position where if he failed, he'd get sent to the front lines.  That he didn't want to go into the military, he wants me to help him (as I suspected was behind this all along) support him to go to an expensive, rip-off trade school like ITT Tech, DeVry or WyeTech -- where you pay tens of thousands of dollars to get "training" in a blue collar job for which there is a HUGE amount of competition from people who have learned their skills with hands-on practice -- and especially in this area and economy, who are willing to take low paying jobs. 

No offense to blue collar workers, but (1) I dont believe he has the APTITUDE for this kind of work in the first place -- he just doesn't have that kind of personality or skill set; and (2) this will almost certainly be an expensive waste of time -- he won't be good enough to get a job doing this kind of work, and the potential payoff just isn't good enough for how much it costs and the risks involved.

So, as it turns out, as I suspected -- he was talking up the military to get me to feel sorry for him and scared for him, so I would rescue him and offer him another way out.  When I didn't play along with his game, he got angry and accusatory -- and his manipulation was revealed.  I haven't heard from him since then.

However, I have laid a bet with my husband that at around 5-6 PM, he will show up at our house literally crying and begging for a place to stay and for help turning his life around -- without the military -- which will be entirely insincere.  We are planning our response.

I agree that those schools are, for the most part, a rip-off. I used to work for a company that bought defaulted debt for pennies on the dollar and among the portfolios I analyzed were several from such schools. Bottom line, the graduates often could not earn enough in their chosen fields to cover their student loans.

However, many trades do offer paid apprenticeships. Trades like plumbing and welding in particular come to mind. I would guide him in that direction. I think some hospitals have similar programs for certain positions.

It's a shame that he can't sign up for boot camp without committing to military service. It would do him a world of good. You could always turn your home into a boot camp of sorts. For instance, until he's covered 40 hours a week, every day that he isn't at UPS, he dons a suit (to be interview-ready) and you drop him off at the Employment Commission where he can work on getting a full time job. Make him keep regular hours, no tv or other priviledges until his chores are done, etc. He may accuse you of treating him like a child, but while he is living in your home, that's exactly what he is. Plus, your house, your rules. He's free to leave.

He will either tow the line to make things more pleasant for himself or he'll be given sufficient enough motivation to actually get a job that will allow him to move out. Either way, you win.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Come to the SPQ weekend and I'll buy you a nice bottle of wine. We'll do our own self-medicating.

Diana,,

When I read your post, I thought I was reading about my nephew. He is ADHD/ODD and has struggled all his life. Please, please...and I know this is not easy...it is not really a "choice" he is making with each of these failures. He survives in an environment in his mind that is not "normal" so how can society demand a "normal" behavior? 

Having tried to help out my nephew numerous times (suicidal ideology, stealing, meth use, etc...) I know this is not easy. If he applied for the military I honestly  doubt he would make it past the psychological testing (although they are desperate for new enlistees).

Why not shock him tonite when he shows up? Tell him you thought it over...and agree that he should try signing up for the military? Call his bluff so to speak. Worst thing that can happen is that he goes, they test him and they will "probably" advise him of the serious help he is in need of due to the ADHD/ODD and not having the aptitude for military service. This may lead to him seeking out the medical help he needs.  IF (and that's a BIG one) they proceeded to accept him...he would have 8 weeks of boot camp which cannot hurt him. IF he makes it through that...he may get just the edge he needs to change his life...even through his disorder.

Does he take medications? Has he ever? My nephew has made some improvement since being on meds on a regular basis. Focus, attitude, goals seem to be better for the last 6 months. Not perfect...but at least somewhat better.

Hope if or when you speak with your son again you can muster up the courage and tough love needed to see him through this.  I can totally understand the pain and frustration this must bring you. Best of luck to you and your son.

We are waiting for him to show up, though he hasn't called since his sister kicked him to the curb (literally) at 5 PM.

You may have something there.  My bigger fear is that they take him because they are desperate for bodies, and then turn him into cannon fodder.

We will have leverage when he has to ask us to take him in.

Thanks for your thoughtful comments and insight.

Well, he found some work buddy to take him in -- we'll say how long that lasts before he ****** the guy off.  I guess he hasn't hit bottom yet.

Le sigh.

My son went and joined the Army in 2001 right before 911. I thought there was no way in heck he would make it thru basic training. He was not one to be told what to do, when to do it or how to do it. But it was an awesome experience for him. He came back a more respectful person. He did drugs before he joined, ran the streets and had absolutely zero respect for authority.
Now I will say this... He went to Iraq and came home with PTSD, was discharged and that was in 2004. He has never recovered from his experience over there.

Your son needs to understand that the military (no matter what branch) is not a job, it is a commitment. That also goes for the so called part time military, many of those who signed up for a part time job have found themselves on 12-15 month deployments. There is a real good chance he will see combat at some point. My husband is Active Duty Army and has been on 5 combat tours and he has PTSD.  It is VERY common that combat veterans come home with PTSD.

I think it would be a good thing to go with him to meet the recruiter. Ask all the questions you have & make sure they answer them to your satisfaction. Your son may see this as an easy fix to his current situation, but it may well be a lot more than he is bargining for. I have heard of recruiters who promise anything to get the signature, and sadly one you sign on the dotted line you belong to Uncle Sam!

Good luck to you and your son