OT: Advice regarding son joining Air National Guard
Just remember, some recruiters say what you want to hear, not always the truth.
This is exactly what I was going to say. I know 2 young men who were promised things by recruiters and once they signed on the dotted line, all that went out the window. Don't believe a word they say.
This is exactly what I was going to say. I know 2 young men who were promised things by recruiters and once they signed on the dotted line, all that went out the window. Don't believe a word they say.
HW 246 SW 243 CW - below goal GW 139 Height 5'3"
On January 31, 2009 at 9:32 PM Pacific Time, Maria C. wrote:
Just remember, some recruiters say what you want to hear, not always the truth.This is exactly what I was going to say. I know 2 young men who were promised things by recruiters and once they signed on the dotted line, all that went out the window. Don't believe a word they say.
Elizabeth
Back in the U.S.A.
"I have lost the lumbering hulk that I once was. I don't hide behind my clothes or behind my door. I am part of life's rich tapestry not an observer." Kirmy
Hi Diane,
As I was reading your post, I thought so much of how you were describing your son reminded me of my daughter; therefore. I am going to suggest that you may want to familiarize yourself with Narcissistic Personality Disorder as this may open your eyes to some possibilities. Just Goggle it and read to see if this might fit your son as it, sadly, fits my daughter to a "T."
Also, if I were in your shoes, I would super encourage your son to join the Air National Guard. In fact, I would encourage him to join just about any branch of the military because there is at least a possibility that he may actually rise to the occasion. As it appears now, left to his own devices, he is going nowhere and is simply floundering. At least with the military there is a chance that he may actually learn enough discipline to reap some benefit.
I understand how easy it is to focus on the failure aspect when a child has repeatedly proven himself to be a disappointment; however, please keep in mind that our children will often live up to, or down to, the expectations we set for them.
My daughter has disappointed me so many times that I actually have no hope left, so I do understand your frustrations. However, if my daughter was considering enlisting, I would be running her on my back to the recruiters because at least in the military there might be some measure of hope that she would be forced to actually honor a commitment.
As odd as this may sound, if your son enlists and fails, at least you would know with a better measure of certainty what to expect from him long-term. If the military cannot shape him up, then it is unlikely that he will do it for himself...
Best of luck to you.
DEB
As I was reading your post, I thought so much of how you were describing your son reminded me of my daughter; therefore. I am going to suggest that you may want to familiarize yourself with Narcissistic Personality Disorder as this may open your eyes to some possibilities. Just Goggle it and read to see if this might fit your son as it, sadly, fits my daughter to a "T."
Also, if I were in your shoes, I would super encourage your son to join the Air National Guard. In fact, I would encourage him to join just about any branch of the military because there is at least a possibility that he may actually rise to the occasion. As it appears now, left to his own devices, he is going nowhere and is simply floundering. At least with the military there is a chance that he may actually learn enough discipline to reap some benefit.
I understand how easy it is to focus on the failure aspect when a child has repeatedly proven himself to be a disappointment; however, please keep in mind that our children will often live up to, or down to, the expectations we set for them.
My daughter has disappointed me so many times that I actually have no hope left, so I do understand your frustrations. However, if my daughter was considering enlisting, I would be running her on my back to the recruiters because at least in the military there might be some measure of hope that she would be forced to actually honor a commitment.
As odd as this may sound, if your son enlists and fails, at least you would know with a better measure of certainty what to expect from him long-term. If the military cannot shape him up, then it is unlikely that he will do it for himself...
Best of luck to you.
DEB
Yes, I have read about NPD -- it's not quite that bad, but there are some elements. I want to get him in for a psych assessment, but he's 23 and I can't make him do it.
He is apparently spending the evening finding military jobs he might find interesting and asking me about my thoughts about them -- if I were not so experienced at this, I would be pleased, but I think he's just doing this so I will think he is at last thinking constructively, and I will let him come back home while he figures out which service to go in -- which of course, he will find some excuse to not do. He's trying to play me, I'm pretty sure.
He is apparently spending the evening finding military jobs he might find interesting and asking me about my thoughts about them -- if I were not so experienced at this, I would be pleased, but I think he's just doing this so I will think he is at last thinking constructively, and I will let him come back home while he figures out which service to go in -- which of course, he will find some excuse to not do. He's trying to play me, I'm pretty sure.
Hi there,
I'm working on my ph.d. in clinical psych & my practicum placement's at the local Air Force base. It's not uncommon for people who have enlisted in the AF to "go guard" so that their whole life isn't structured by being in the military full-time. I'm not sure if it's the same deal. For the AF people, if they have a 4 year enlistment, they can go guard after two years AF & sign up for 4 years guard. I don't remember how often you have to do weekend excursion trainings, I think it's one weekend per month. I also think (not positive) that you can go to Iraq or Afghanistan, but that it's not that common. More typically, they're called up for emergencies like natural disasters & that's where they basically get called away for X amount of time - I think, it's 6 weeks, but I'm just not sure. One person told me once about 5 months ago. I can ask again. I know people in the AF enlist for either 4 or 6 years, so I would think the guard's the same deal. People in the AF generally see it as an easier option & those who don't like being in the military due to structure/rules go guard. They even call it "palace chase" - that's how much better they think it is.
I work there on Tue & Wed's, I can ask for some insider info if you want. The army mom's right about the recruiters too - they're not all honest. I know this for absolute fact. I myself was told bull crap about joining (if I met weight requirements, hah!). What the recruiter told me was completely shot down by my supervisor who is currently doing the job I would be doing & he's been in the AF as a psychologist for 17 years. Let me know if you want me to ask around.
My purely personal opinion is to take a hard love approach. Tell him that you have reservations, concern for his safety, but that you'll support whatever decision he makes. I hate to say it, but I think that's the best way for him to not be able to turn back around & try to blame you for whatever happens whether he joins or not. It's his decision & he needs to take responsibility for the consequences of his choices. If you try to influence him, you rather take on some of that responsibility - or at least, probably in his eyes based on what you stated about him.
Sorry to hear about your troubles & I wish you & yours good luck in all!
I'm working on my ph.d. in clinical psych & my practicum placement's at the local Air Force base. It's not uncommon for people who have enlisted in the AF to "go guard" so that their whole life isn't structured by being in the military full-time. I'm not sure if it's the same deal. For the AF people, if they have a 4 year enlistment, they can go guard after two years AF & sign up for 4 years guard. I don't remember how often you have to do weekend excursion trainings, I think it's one weekend per month. I also think (not positive) that you can go to Iraq or Afghanistan, but that it's not that common. More typically, they're called up for emergencies like natural disasters & that's where they basically get called away for X amount of time - I think, it's 6 weeks, but I'm just not sure. One person told me once about 5 months ago. I can ask again. I know people in the AF enlist for either 4 or 6 years, so I would think the guard's the same deal. People in the AF generally see it as an easier option & those who don't like being in the military due to structure/rules go guard. They even call it "palace chase" - that's how much better they think it is.
I work there on Tue & Wed's, I can ask for some insider info if you want. The army mom's right about the recruiters too - they're not all honest. I know this for absolute fact. I myself was told bull crap about joining (if I met weight requirements, hah!). What the recruiter told me was completely shot down by my supervisor who is currently doing the job I would be doing & he's been in the AF as a psychologist for 17 years. Let me know if you want me to ask around.
My purely personal opinion is to take a hard love approach. Tell him that you have reservations, concern for his safety, but that you'll support whatever decision he makes. I hate to say it, but I think that's the best way for him to not be able to turn back around & try to blame you for whatever happens whether he joins or not. It's his decision & he needs to take responsibility for the consequences of his choices. If you try to influence him, you rather take on some of that responsibility - or at least, probably in his eyes based on what you stated about him.
Sorry to hear about your troubles & I wish you & yours good luck in all!
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Eventually he will have to make a decision for himself. I am not making accusations however being a former addict, I would say his behavior sounds drug related. Before he enlist and makes a commitment he cant handle, I think he might need a reality check. I dont know if this helps, but read my blog.. I was in the same position as him for a period of my life.
The actual blog I was refering to was this post:
http://www.fawkem.com/2009/01/13/im-not-an-addict/
James
Blogging my way down from 694lbs!
www.fawkem.com - my blog site
The actual blog I was refering to was this post:
http://www.fawkem.com/2009/01/13/im-not-an-addict/
James
Blogging my way down from 694lbs!
www.fawkem.com - my blog site
AS a mom to 2 sons currently serving our country, I can honestly say that while all recruiters are not honest, they have to go into things with that in mind. Every thing should be put in writing for proof of what they tell you.
I have one currently enlisted active duty Air Force(thinking of Air National Guard after his enlistment ends) and one Army National Guard.
The reason Air National Guard is part-time is because it is National Guard...weekends and a few weeks in the summer. They are required to go to "basic training" where they will really need to follow orders, or face the consequences. My National Guard son is loud and very opinionated. He was put in his place and fast.
Air National Guard members and can have been deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan - don't think they can't do that.
In order to enlist in the National Guard, of any kind, they need to take the ASVAB's and go thru procedures. It might be just the thing he needs to get him to straighten up.
I have one currently enlisted active duty Air Force(thinking of Air National Guard after his enlistment ends) and one Army National Guard.
The reason Air National Guard is part-time is because it is National Guard...weekends and a few weeks in the summer. They are required to go to "basic training" where they will really need to follow orders, or face the consequences. My National Guard son is loud and very opinionated. He was put in his place and fast.
Air National Guard members and can have been deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan - don't think they can't do that.
In order to enlist in the National Guard, of any kind, they need to take the ASVAB's and go thru procedures. It might be just the thing he needs to get him to straighten up.
I sorry you have problems as a mother of 3 sons with 3 totally diffrent personalities it is not easy.
My hubby has been in the Army National Guard for 18 years,and he will tell you it is one of his best decisions.
He didnt have to go to Iraq due to an injury(he got on his 2 weeks training a few years back)but now that its fixed he is up for deployment in January.
He loves it,your son can get a gi bill,he will get a sign on bonus and they will keep him on the straight and narrow.
My hubby is on orders right now til October at the training center and he had boys underneath him that our ****y and have that know it all attitude but it dont last for long.
He said that the air national guard only go over seas for up to 4 months at a time..
He will have aphysical and asvab and a drug test,he says basic training with help with alot of his attitude.
My brother joined and could not do it at all and he received a medical discharge due to mental and emotional issues.
I wish you luck sweetie google the air national guard and it will pull up there website.
My hubby has been in the Army National Guard for 18 years,and he will tell you it is one of his best decisions.
He didnt have to go to Iraq due to an injury(he got on his 2 weeks training a few years back)but now that its fixed he is up for deployment in January.
He loves it,your son can get a gi bill,he will get a sign on bonus and they will keep him on the straight and narrow.
My hubby is on orders right now til October at the training center and he had boys underneath him that our ****y and have that know it all attitude but it dont last for long.
He said that the air national guard only go over seas for up to 4 months at a time..
He will have aphysical and asvab and a drug test,he says basic training with help with alot of his attitude.
My brother joined and could not do it at all and he received a medical discharge due to mental and emotional issues.
I wish you luck sweetie google the air national guard and it will pull up there website.
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