MY WLS JOURNEY WAS REFLECTED IN MY EMPLOYEE ANNUAL REVIEW
I always got good reviews but CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY WROTE THIS ABOUT ME??? MEEEEEEE????????
"Marta has undergone a major transformation that not only reflects her own personal life but has also had a positive impact in the workplace. Always an excellent employee and a pleasure to work with, she is now more assertive and aggressive in the pursuit and completion of all set goals and assigned projects. She is always ready and eager to take on new challenges. Her contagious energy and smile, her willingess and availability to assist patients and peers alike" etc. etc. etc. were the words written on my annual review by my supervisors and the increase was reflected accordingly at the max of the scale.
Can you believe it is ME? MEEEEEEEEEEE MARTITA????? That angry fat chick that was ticked off at the whole world and men in general for soooooooooooo long I buried my head in the pleasure of meal after meal after meal after meal. Forget the candy, forget the junk that was not my bag - I loved FOOOOOOODDDD - arroz con pollo, tostones, arroz con habicuelas y pernil, king size porterhouse with a huge baked potato dressed Martita's style, pasta, more pasta, more rice and beans and plantains. I had no satiety - I had a bottomless pit for a stomach that kept saying FEED ME! FEED ME! FEED ME! I addressed my issues that led to my packing on the bulge going from 98 lbs at age 25 all the way up to tip the scale with a recorded weight of 320 lbs in 2003 and 285 lbs the highest recorded weight in 2006.
I cried and I ate. I laughed and I ate. I was sad and I ate. I was happy and I ate. I twidled my toes and I ate. Yup I ate myself up to diabetes, and high blood pressure and high cholesterol and GERD and asthma and sleep apnea. My knees hurt so bad from DJD I could not make it up the stairs to help my daughter when she took a bad fall. I ate until I said ENOUGH ALREADY ... I started my research with the help of friends and I studied and I studied. I addressed my isseues and asked my Higher Power to help me fix my brokeness. Because I was broken. My ex husband abandoned my kids and I after beating my brains in for years - abuse that I took in the name of love (yeah right try that today busta), I was broken by verbal abuse - abuse that I took because of low self-esteem. I was broken by rape (by that sorry man who perpetrated the most vile, degrading crime against me because I was out of it and could not fight back) and by so many things and situations that I ALLOWED to set up barriers in my heart and in my mind where I could not love myself. I lived imprisoned in my body and in my mind for the better part of 25 years. I needed deliverance to set me FREE.
I buried myself in trying to help others when I could not help myself. I helped them address their issues that in some way diminished my issues and all the time I ate.
THAT WAS A SUMMARY OF MY PAST BUT TODAY I LIVE IN MY PRESENT USING THE PAST TO MY ADVANTAGE. I am forever grateful of the decision I made 21 months ago to have WLS and to get my life back as I once knew it or make it better yet. I jumped in for change for LIFE and it is working for me.
Today I am at goal - with no co-morbidities for way over a year now. I can look at the days when I sewed for others and refused to sew for myself as I panicked when I feared the readings on the tape measure - at one point I convinved myself that the tape measure would not make it around my hips. I refused to admit to the extra yardage of material that I would need to sew for myself - in total denial or just afraid of my reality. BUT TODAY IT IS ALL GOOD. MY TEARS OF YESTERDAY RAINED ON MY TODAY AND FERTILIZED THE GROUND ON WHICH I WALK. I AM WALKING FOR LIFE AND I AM MAKING THE MOST OUT OF MY WALK. I TAKE MY JOURNEY WITH ALL ITS UPS AND DOWNS ONE DAY AT A TIME - I FEEL FREE.....
Free to sew for myself -and for others too - can you believe this is me two years ago vs a couple months ago when I sewed my own gown to renew my vows?
Can you believe this is ME just two Christmases ago decorating a tree in our outreach facility?
I LOVE LOOKING AT MY BEFORES - THEY KEEP ME ENCOURAGED AND THEY KEEP ME FOCUSED. THAT FAT GIRL ME WILL FOREVER BE A PART OF ME AND MY LIFE - I WILL NEVER FORGET HER - I WILL NEVER DISS ANYONE WHO IS LIKE HER - HER DELIVERANCE IS MY RELEASE - MY RELEASE IS HER DELIVERANCE. SHE LIVES ON PARALLEL TO ME IN MY MIND EACH AND EVERYDAY AND KEEPS ME STEADFAST.
Am I seeking attention to myself? DEFINITELY NOT! I know who I am - I am just trying to encourage anyone readin my silly banter that the journey is well worth it!!!
Next month I will be 51 years old and I spent 25 of those years in a morbidly obese sick body. Today I have my LIFE back. I am in control indeed and I am not giving up nor giving in ever. Life without illness is too good and a healthy lifestyle rocks. I am loving it for LIFE... that is why today I could boldly wear my double crocket and granny squares (lol) and no I did not make it....
and I can make some my own clothes and mix and match others that I purchase or are given to me. I am happy as a lark just with that (lol) - gone are the big pants and big dresses and the yardage of fabrics. I am embracing the new me without once forgetting where I came from.
It is all trickling down to better and better things ... my home, my job, family and friends... It is all good. You do you and I do me ... I am sooooooooooooo happy because I choose to be. LIFE problems are still here and the attack of the oppressor is fierce but I know who I serve and I most definitely will NOT resolve my problems by the comfort of FOOD. I eat to LIVE as I NO LONGER live to eat.
I walk my journey one day at a time capturing all my moments for LIFE... I asked for a better quality of life and a bigger heart to LOVE and I got them both - hey and a little bit of looks pitched in does not hurt an ole sista here....
BE ENCOURAGED!!!! LAUGH IT OFF!!! ENJOY YOUR JOURNEY WHATEVER PATH YOU TAKE MAKE THE BEST OF IT!!! IT IS ALL GOOD.
Excuse my rambling --- once again this silly old gal wanted to share a bit of her testimony. In encouraging someone else I encourage myself too. I LOVE YOU MY OH CYBERFAMILY!!!
IT ALL STARTED OUT WITH A FAT LADY WANTED TO BE HEALTHY AND I DID IT!!! AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO IT FOR LIFE!!!
RNY 2/5/07 no regain having implemented lifestyle changes....
I just hit the 100 pound loss 6 months post op and I know how you feel....ROCK ON GIRL!
ps if you made any of those clothes you should consider selilng them- I would buy them- gorgeous!
Congrats! Wishing you continued success and happiness! 
