OT: My BF cheated 2 days after my surgery

What a JERK!!!!!  I would clean the house, confront him, and then punch him in the face!!!  I wouldn't care less if I told him I opened his mail (at your house)  It doesn't matter if he admits it..... you know in your heart. It sucks now, but this is the start of a new life.  You are already strong enough to have WLS, and start down the road to happiness.  Just keep on driving down that road! 

WHAT A JERK!  You dont deserve that.  It doesnt matter that your house is a mess... dont let him scare you that he'll fight for custody... what is he going to pay with?  does he earn enough at his PART-TIME job for that?  I seriuosly doubt it...and even if he does earn enough, the judge will make him pay.  It is near impossible when there is no abuse against a child to prove a mother unfit AND take her children away.   I agree  I would CLEAN THE HOUSE, MAKE A DELICIOUS MEAL, BATH THE KIDS and THROW HIS A** to the curb!  AND I'd tell him that he did not have to worry about fighting for custody I JUST MIGHT LEAVE THE CHILD WITH HIM and see if he can handle it!    He only says that because you are a wonderful mother that loves your babies and he knows he can hurt you with that... and scare you into staying!  YOU DO NOT DESERVE THAT!  Love yourself!!!!  And it'll be easy to DRAW THE LINE! Contact a battered women's shelter in your area, many times they have resources (legal etc...) that can help you thru this... Good luck to you honey, and you're in my thoughts!

i REFUSE to tolerate a cheater. however, i DO rather enjoy toying with their minds

i have an idea: (feel free to take my advice and/or modify it to suit your needs... or not.)

if *I* were in your shoes, this is what *I* would do. first, i would clean the house from top to bottom and MAKE SURE that it stayed that way until this fiasco is finally over. (use "spring cleaning" as your excuse so he doesn't get suspicious.)

then i would create my OWN identity on that website (but not my REAL identity) and make "HER" out to be the most perfect person for whatever he's into. (ie: if he's looking for casual sex, make "HER" be looking for casual sex. if he wants a blue-eyed blonde, BE a blue-eyed blonde... on the internet.)

and then just mess with his head through emails and stuff by being this alter-ego. and when he finally decides that he wants to meet "HER"? print out EVERYTHING, leave the kids with a sitter and go meet him someplace that's VERY PUBLIC with your "evidence" and be like "oh! were you expecting _____??? so sorry dood but you're BUSTED!!!"  (and yes, i've done this before. can you tell? )

i'm sorry you're having to deal with this sweetheart. i don't have any advice on anything else but i wanted you to know that you are NOT powerless in this situation and we're all here for you!

Good one Artist Monday!!!!  You totally rock girl!

LOL. that's exactly what i tried to do. I made up my own profile.  Not sure how he figured me out, but he did.  Your plan was my plan until he called me out on it.  Now we have to talk when I get home from work. Too bad i can't bust him like you said, cuz that was exactly what I wanted to do. I found a couple of numbers to call for legal advice and I'm calling now.   I soooo wish I could have caught him!! I really shouldn't care about the mail or the house. You guys are right. I am a good mom and he is playing to my insecurites and weaknesses to cover his own a$$.  I am powerful, not powerless.  I am gonna go home and make nice, clean the house and stick it to him later in court.

I'm sorry you've had such a rough time. First things first, get your name off that joint account.  You don't want him draining all of your money.  Get your own personal account and DON'T add to the joint one again.  Next, make sure you have copies of his statement.  That will show proof and you may need it.  Now as to not being a great housekeeper, ummmmmmmmmm it's the 21st century.  IF you are working full time and he wasn't working and now only part time, I would say it's up to his lazy butt and not up to you.  Even though it might not be easy, if you know you don't want to be with him then get out.  Check out and see if you can get low-cost housing based on your income, especially with two little ones. You will definitely want to be careful with that site you joined.  Do not reply to anyone, nor search for anyone else.  You don't want to give your partner any ammunition against you. I hope everything works out for you.

I would not confront him further.  You have to look out for your children and yourself.  You need to  empty out the joint account and get a lawyer.  He has already proven himself a liar and cheat, though legally that is irrelavant.  Once you have a plan in place for yourself I would get rid of him.  Just make sure you have good legal standing before you give him the boot.  He might fight  for custody but  he wouldn't get full custody. 

This is just my opinion, but dump the jerk - immediately! There have to be social services in your state to help you out. Try contacting a women's shelter. No matter how difficult it will be, you do not need this person in your life. If you think it will ever get better, you're sadly mistaken. Anyone that uncaring and self-centered will not change in any significant way. Get out and get out now.

From everything you have said, I do not believe you would lose your child to him at all.  You are clearly the more responsible parent and better provider.  Messy house means nothing really.  Who doesnt have a messy house with 2 kids, jobs an moocher boyfriend and ll.   One thing I would do immediately if file with the court system for custody for the child.  Whoever does this first is the one who stands the better chance of keeping them with them should there be a break up.  If he left you today and decided to take your son with him you would have no recourse until you went to court and that could take weeks.  Protect yourself and go file this immediately.  My son had to do the same a few years ago and it gave him the temporary custody of his daughter until he won sole custody.   After you do this I would confront him with your evidence.  Save copies of everything, Document everything.  Get a lawyer even if you have to borrow the retainer from family.  Kick him out for sure, but not without all your ducks in a row.  Be prepared to file a protection order against him if he wont leave the house or else you will have to leave instead.  Document any threats, verbal or otherwise he makes against you.  This would help with the protection order.  You must be on the offense all the time instead of the defense.   I wouldnt worry about cleaning the house,  Do what you can, but you have so much on your plate right now thats the last thing you should be worrying about.   I dont agree with playing games with him.  Be the mature one, above board and smart.  Do not give him any amunition to use against you.  Watch your words to him, never threaten.  Do not get in any other personal relationships while you are dealing with this.  he can use that against you too.   This is all just advice I have received from Lawyers over the years for myself and for my son. Good luck and rise above this.  You deserve more than you are getting for sure.  You will survive this and find a better life on the other side.  Huggs Dawn

You don't need that added stress girl. He's not helping you anyway....I'd ditch him and concentrate on your kids, health and job for awhile. You will very soon gain your self esteem back and you'll forget his name! If he's not supportive of you and not willing to stand beside you after making the decision to have surgery, how do you know he will when you start losing weight and looking good??