OT~So Angry/Upset with my son

((((HUGS))))................ We have drama at my house too. I didn't really give my daughter a choice. Since I am supporting her financially  she HAS to go to college.... She would rather go to school and have her "things" than to try and find a job and struggle. IF she fails school...then her world as she knows it will change. YES she is deaf...but she is NOT stupid...she is gonna have to work harder and prove herself...and in our small town there is NO job for her.... SO she IS going to school and IS passing...she isn't an A student because she doesn't apply herself.... but she is doing what I asked... and so far other than occasional drama BS she is a good girl and understands that for her to have more she will HAVE to go to college.  IF she decides to rebel ( and she might) then all her "things" are gone... then she will see just how far she can get trying to live on SSDI............NOT far I promise...............  and that is even less than $7 an hour.... I just wish our kids would WAKE UP!! My daughter is spoiled BIG TIME.............so NOT following my rules will result in ALOT of unpleasanties......  Hugs, Leticia

Oh dear do I feel your pain. My son will be 18 in June. Being a naturally smart kid he doesn't feel that he should have to do homework like everyone else (he gets 90 and above on all of his test) and is in danger of failing his senior year of high school. He also has no plans, no job, no car, no cell phone (lost 3 in 6 months and I said enough is enough). A few weeks ago I let him go out with friends for a couple of hours - didn't call or make it home by curfew, when he did call I told him he was in trouble so what does my kid do?? Doesn't come home for 2 days. Then his friends mother calls to say that she doesn't usually get involved but if I kick my son out of the house he could stay with her for a while. "KICK HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE????". I told her that he had not been kicked out but was coming close - he had decided not to come home as he was having to much fun partying with her son. Needless to say he was home that night. The question is where do you go from here? I dread him turning 18 and thinking that he is going to sit around in my home, that my husband and I work 3 jobs to pay for, and play video games. I also suggested the military and he is not progressing in that direction either. If you figure out what how to give them a reality check let me know - I can use all the help I can get!!

FYI -- the National Guard is offering a $20K signon bonus.  Maybe that will inspire him.

I can so relate to your situation.  I have 3 kids, my oldest is 22 (daughter) and is graduating w/honors from the Conrad Hilton School in May (Who'd have thunk??); my son who is 18 and graduating high school in June.  Well, my daughter knew at 17 what she wanted to do and what she refused to do for a living...my son?  CLUELESS.  All he knows is that he is going to college.  All I can say is that if nothing else was done right, the fact that they ralize that they will benefit from having a college degree. I think that if my son was doing what yours is doing, I would give him a timeline and let him float or sink.  I have not walked in your shoes so I really don't  know what it is like. Let him fly on the "wings" that you, as a parent, taught him how to fly on... Susan

Job Corps is a good program also.  Good luck with your son.

These are all choices for HIM to make.  There are grants, loans, etc that he can apply for (not you), however  he should have gotten started on such things already.  He knows his options.  BTW - Has he even applied to this expensive college?  If he hasn't, then he's probably a little too late.  A year or so on his own might help him get some perspective too.  I can tell you that with my art school diploma, that I really had to work harder to get part of the respect that a total dumbass with a degree in the history of shoelaces gets walking through the door.

Yeah is sure tough sorry!  when my son graduated from H/S he had plans to go to a good college but he procastinated and the time ran out so he had other plans 'he join The Navy' and I think he made the right choice ..The Navy is more like school .. But hey when he calms down in a few days LOL talk to him if he wants to join the Navy it's better Boot Camp wise and everything else ..Cause I know money it's hard to fine

Oh, I so feel you.  My custodial stepson moved in with us this past summer.  He will be 17 this coming summer and is a junior right now.  He's not failing his classes, but he's not doing great either.  He's passing with a B- average.   He doesn't have a job and spends all of his extra time playing World of Warcraft.  He's a bright enough kid, but thinks homework and studying is really a bunch of "bull****"  He has no idea what he wants to do, but he thinks some big, expensive college is in his future.  Ummm...not on our teacher's salaries, it's not without a scholarship!  We've tried to explain that while we think he's one in a million, to an elite college, he's a dime a dozen.  He's an average student and an okay wrestler (not going to get an athletic scholarship) who does nothing else but play on the computer.  Somehow, he thinks colleges are going to be beating down his door!  Ummm...yeah.  I'm hoping he grows up some too.   Good luck!

Hey Cathi,     Sorry to hear you are still having issues.  I thought he had decided what he was going to do.   If he insists on moving out, well, I guess he will, but stick to your guns on what you say.  You know that I am dealing with this same issue.  Its the only way they will learn that life does not cater to them.  I finally realized that I can't live my kids life for her... she has to make her own choices.  I may not like the choice she  made, but its her choice.   I just have to be here for her when she needs me.    Good luck girl Hugs, Kim

We made sure that our daughter understood that as long as she was in school she could live at home and we would do everything within our power to ensure she got an education and good jump start to life (as best we could afford).  We also made sure she realized that at whatever point she decided to leave the nest and become a self-supporting adult that we would be happy to see her take flight but that like all the other animals in the kingdom there is no returning to the nest.  Apparently she took us at our word and went to school, became a self-supporting adult, is in a good/stable marriage, and has never needed help from us.  I think the best thing to do is give your best wishes to any child who is ready to test his or her wings in the adult world and make sure they understand that just like birds once they take flight there is no coming back to the nest.  No loans, no co-signing, no handouts, etc.  Good luck!  It's hard watching them grow up and make choices that may give them more of a reality check than they ever anticipated and you more heartburn than you thought possible.  DeeDee p.s.  We did tell her that if there was ever any type of medical situation that was not caused by irresponsibility on her part that we would absolutely be there for her.   We aren't that cruel!  =)