I pledge never to become like this...

Please don't flame me. Sometimes I find myself saying out loud and in my head some pretty nasty things about others - especially others who have weight issues. I think it is because of my own insecurities and of course, the closer to my own hot buttons the more I am compelled to do it - to "protect myself" (from my own constant judgement). Fortunately I am aware of this behavior, do not like it and work constantly (well... maybe most of the time) to stop it. So a little insight...  It is bullying behavior and I teach antibullying at school. The major theme for the past couple of years has been to focus on the silent majority. In other words when someone is bullied there are always several others who witness it and do nothing, usually for fear of becoming the new target. It is our responsibility to point out the inappropriate behavior. The next time you witness someone doing that a simple "That's not very nice" will do, although I'm sure there are more clever ways to do something. Doing nothing is the same as approving of the behavior. Thanks for bringing this up. It is so important that we continue to grow as people in all aspects of our lives not just our physical appearance.

I agree--it IS a bullying technique and it's unfortunate that it happens. I've also noticed that some use other forms of bullying post-op as if they are trying to somehow gain power or popularity that they once lacked. it's hard for the old mental self to adjust to a new physical self.

  I TO  WILL MAKE THE SAME PLEDGE...  I ALWAYS KEEP A BEFORE PICTURE SO THAT I NEVER FORGET WHERE I WAS 3YRS AGO.  ALL THE SMILES AND HAPPY GO LUCKY PERSONALITY WAS ALL A FRONT TO HIDE HOW ASHAMED I WAS OF MY WEIGHT I WILL NEVER PASS JUDGEMENT ON ANYONE OR MAKE HURTFUL COMMENTS COS WHEN THAT WAS DONE TO ME I WANTED TO DIE I WOULD GO HOME AND SOB MY HEART OUT..... WE ARE THE LUCKY ONES WHO HAD THIS SURGERY AND I WILL BE  FOREVER GRATEFUL TO HAVE HAD THIS SECOND CHANCE AT A HEALTHIER LIFE.  

How Sad, I’ve not met those folks…. At the Lexington Convention, there were “Wall to Wall” Post-ops who had been @Goal for quite some time, and THEY were the ones who seemed most supportive and concerned about those just starting out.  Same holds true for my local support groups- (all of the Baptist Memorial HealthCare Organizations) Is it possibly a perception “thing?” -------------------------------------------------------- There’s a story of an old man at the gates of a city. A traveler arrives and asks- "I’m just moving here to begin a new job. How are the people in this town?" The old man asks- "How were the people where you’re from?" "Oh," says the traveler, "They were the greatest. Caring, generous, friendly to everyone." The old man says- "Fortunately, you’ll find them to be the same here." The traveler enters the city and soon another traveler arrives and asks the same question. The old man asks- "How were the people where you’re from?" "Oh," says this second traveler, "They were the worst. Selfish, spiteful, petty and bickering constantly." The old man says- "Unfortunately, you’ll find them to be the same here." The old man was right both times. Changing how one Looks at things, Changes the things one looks at…….. (or some grammatically correct version of that thought. :-) Best Wishes- Dx

 

Nope, I have real good perception, and can see when people are BS'ing

Your perception radar is strongly skewed in a negative direction, if your posts here are any indication. Doesn't *anything* positive or uplifting happen in your life? Aren't there *any* fine supportive people in your life?  I'm all for the value of a good vent, ABSOLUTELY. But to truly move forward in life, we have to look to the people and events that encourage us to grow. Sometimes that growth and encouragement comes from a kick in the hiney. But most of it comes from people who influence us toward the positive, who inspire us to pick ourselves up and make good steps forward.

Dex, I do think perception does play a part. Being a Buddhist has made me see things very differently than most people. I see the Glass has "Half-Full" rather than Half-Empty. Some see it as Bone-dry.  I know that when I was over 300 pounds, I often perceived people differently because I was always thinking about what they were thinking about me as a Fat Person. Was I disgusting to them? Maybe?  I had a very low self-esteem. I have to say, that it wasn't the weight-loss that made me hold my head higher, it was my new found perception (After the death of my husband) that I really shouldn't care what other people think about me. I'm a person who always looks for the good in people. Sometimes you have to pick off a lot of layers to find the good, but it exists somewhere.  If someone insults me, I tell them to have a "Nice a Day!" and go on my merry way. It doesn't mean anything to me, of course I've also been told that I'm "Too Nice". Maybe I am. But I don't think it's a bad trait to have.

BTW, I re-read you're men's group session handout to give to my cousin. I think it will be really helpful for him. He's 25, weighs 400. I've been helping him prepare for surgery when I remembered your handout! Being a guy have WLS is a different experience!

Well said Jane..I agree! I also think that how we portray or present ourselves also leads to how people treat us... Whatever energy we give off ends up how we're treated in return...just something I noticed over the years. At 40, I don't worry about what people think of me or whether or not they have a high opinion of me..I treat people well..even the ones who dont treat me well back..it's about being the bigger person. I dont get the pledgeing to not be a certain way..a good portion of the old timers I know are wonderfully supporting..yet they dont coddle or enable...to me that is a good thing. You get out of relationships what you put into them...treat others as you would have them treat you...it really is a simple concept :)

Hey Gorgeous! You know when life has kicked you in the Azz like it has to me for the past couple of years, you can either wallow in self-pity or pull yourself up by you're bootstraps and become a stronger and better person. I chose the latter.

I believe that coddling and enabling people is the worst you can do. I used to go to AlAnon meetings when I was younger. It was the one thing we discussed quite frequently. I rather tell people the plain truth rather than make them feel it's ok. Because it's not. But I do value other people's opinions whether I agree with them or not. It's what makes this world more interesting! I rather have many opinions, than "Stepford Wives" running around.

I will take that pledge.  Hugs