10 Years Post-Op
Yvonne McCarthy
In December of 2000, I learned about gastric bypass from Carnie Wilson. Nothing in my mind could make sense of the sheer determination that welled up in me because I WAS GOING TO HAVE THIS SURGERY!! I called the first surgeon I could find online, scheduled the very first consultation available on January 15, 2001, and made my first post on ObesityHelp.com. Weighing 260 pounds, I literally tried every diet known to man or woman; I had been obese for 30 years. Something in my soul said THIS WAS THE ANSWER. The decision was made in fifteen minutes, and this time I was sure and I didn’t care about statistics.“I can’t believe that!? said Alice.
“Can’t you?? the Queen said in a pitying tone. “Try again, draw a long breath, and shut your eyes.?
Alice laughed. “There’s no use trying,? she said. “One can’t believe impossible things.?
“I dare say you haven’t had much practice,? said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.?
Talking about impossible! I had horrible insurance, but some magic came my way and somehow I was approved because the surgery was deemed medically necessary. Ten years ago, they could actually override a morbidity clause to save your life. For hours and hours I stared at the before and after pictures on ObesityHelp.com with only one thought: “God, please let me be one of those women on the site one day.? It was all I wanted. Could I possibly be one of those smiling people in the after photograph? Ever?
On the day I was approved for Open RNY, I broke down and cried. I thought that maybe now, I had a chance to be normal. I just wanted to be normal. Thirteen days before surgery, I made a construction paper link chain like a kid before Christmas. Every morning, I tore one link off with just as much glee as a child waiting for Santa Claus.
My weight started piling on at puberty. We ate normally at my house, but I was chunky. Ironically, I became an incredible athlete. They always picked me first for games, but somehow when the birthday parties rolled around, as they didn’t need me to win a game, I guess my invitations got lost in the mail. I was an overachiever; I was in scouts, dance, cello, piano lessons, and I excelled in all of them except weight loss. My ballet teacher taunted me about my weight on a regular basis, and I prayed every day that he wouldn’t say something, but at least once a week he would say, “I sure hope we get to eat at Yvonne’s house really soon because the food must be very good!? The tears flowed down my cheeks, but that mean man didn’t care.
My Open RNY surgery was on March 30, 2001. When I got within 20 pounds of goal, I decided to step out to socialize. For ten years, I had listened to a talk radio show host named Kevin McCarthy. I had been part of an online group that got together for listener parties. No way was I attending until I was close to goal. I’ll cut to the chase. I met Kevin at a party in December of 2001, had our first date on February 9th, moved in together February 14th, and were engaged by February 26th. We married on July 5, 2002. There were no support groups back then, and I didn’t know I was supposed to be ashamed of my loose skin. When we met, I had sagging skin, an “open? scar that looked like the Bride of Frankenstein, and, I’ll just admit it, tube sock boobs. Now, you can tell yourself that you can’t go out on a date with saggy skin and scars, but that’s just a prison your mind puts you in. If you get into an intimate situation and your partner runs… DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT THEM IN THE BUTT ON THE WAY OUT THE DOOR! At some point, we will all age and be wrinkled. That’s not what it’s about. Kevin gave me reconstructive surgery, but even if he didn’t, he fell in love with me before it was fixed and he married me!
In March of this year, I celebrated ten years still at goal. Has it been a bed of roses? No Way! The plan is to shoot for more good days than bad; it will never be perfect. We also cannot (let me repeat), we cannot believe that losing weight makes us instantly happy. I figured that out early. You see lots of unhappy skinny people. My biggest shock was participating in forums full of people all fighting for their lives, all wanting to escape the prison of obesity, and yet there were still people that were not there to support you unconditionally. When you have weight loss surgery, it doesn’t make you understanding and kind. Chances are if you’re cruel, vindictive, and generally unhappy before surgery, you will still be that way post-op.One of my favorite friends says we are messy people. Fortunately, the messiness happens mostly online and the OH events for the most part are totally different! They are motivational and inspirational! Please don’t cheat yourself out of going to an OH event if possible. Online we can fight about surgery types, what color the sky is, or equally unnecessary topics. We should all gravitate to people that really care for us and leave the others alone. Don’t fight back, don’t even try to understand; it’s a total waste of time. The people who are not motivating you will never change, and you’ve got plenty to keep busy with. YOURSELF! Keep your eyes on the prize! Since I didn’t meet another post-op for three years, I just assumed I was supposed to have the surgery and keep the weight off, so I did. I believe it worked because I didn’t know any better. Nobody told me I would fail… so don’t listen to those that tell you that you will. Ask, believe, and receive. If you concentrate on the negative, you will attract it into your life. Concentrate on your success; see it and you will bring events into your life that will make it happen.
About five years ago, I started talking about food addiction and it didn’t go well. Nobody wanted to listen. I didn’t eat myself to obesity because I was hungry. I ate because I wanted to self-medicate my pain away. I wanted to numb negative feelings. Addiction is beginning to be accepted, but it is understood more by the patients than anyone else. For ten years, I lived in the trenches on forums, blogs, YouTube videos, etc. I know this disease backwards and forwards. My greatest wish is for more bariatric professionals to understand it too. How could they? So few of them have lived obese and, therefore, don’t understand. We have suffered trauma. Many of us have been molested, emotionally abused, we’ve cross addicted, and the list goes on and on. We didn’t have brain surgery.
I made myself a promise that I would never return to that prison of obesity. Weight loss surgery is not the easy way out. It requires dedication every single day and all you have to do is commit for that day. One day at a time. My method, in short, is this: no more than 8 grams of sugar; no junk food; no grazing; find other things to do when I get irritable, restless, and discontent; weigh every day; help others, which gets me out of my crazy head; and constantly pay it forward. Be sure to hang with people that raise you up, not tear you down. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Live in the now. STOP STINKIN’ THINKIN’! Seventy five to eighty percent of our days are spent in negative thought patterns. Do “turn around? thoughts when that happens. Tell yourself something nice about yourself to replace that negative thought. Say it out loud! Believe you deserve to be just as valuable as the next person, because you are. We are all unique and not one person is exactly like us. Celebrate the beauty in that fact. You can make a choice. Spend most days happy, joyous, and free, or not. Negativity sucks the life out of you. Anxiety and pessimism commit arson against your dreams and goals. Let the negative, petty stuff go! We cannot afford emotions like blame, shame, judgment, or guilt.
A couple of years ago, I was certified as a Health and Wellness Coach. All ten years of my ObesityHelp blog is still on my profile, but a few years ago I started a blog at BariatricGirl.com where I volunteer my time to help others. If you’d like to find out more about how I’ve walked a successful journey, please check out my site at www.bariatricgirl.com.
A few anecdotes:
- Learn to celebrate other’s victories. Be happy for others.
- Stay away from tempting situations. One of my favorite quotes: “If you hang around in a barbershop long enough, eventually you’ll get a haircut.?
- Ask successful people advice on how they got there, the worst thing they can say is no, but most of the time they will be honored that you asked.
- Choose love, power, and acceptance instead of what we default to which is fear, dependence, and intolerance.
- Remember: RANT stands for repetitive automatic negative thoughts.
ObesityHelp events changed my WLS life. Spend time with the people that build you up, don’t waste a moment on those that don’t love you completely because while you’re wasting time trying to change the unchangeable person, you are missing out on spending time with those that will love you just the way you are.Join my OH Group!
Click Here to visit Yvonne's ObesityHelp Group
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