Beginning to stress

I know this should be a happy time surgery is coming, but today  I feel down and stressed. what if something happens, what if, I a am not cleared by the doctor to have this? what if a hurricane comes,  All these thoughts...I feel like I am on a tight rope balancing all these heavy things and I don't want to lose my balance... I did my consultation last week. Dr said all looks good, I did my labs, chest x-ray and EKG yesterday, Thursday is the psych exam and Nut visit... I know that ...what if thinking.... is without faith. I know that God is in control, and I should be like King David and encourage myself in the Lord,... but I am flesh and blood and today is a hard day... I know someone else has been where I am today, I have been reading the stories with laughs and tears, I want to post my success story. My weight has been a road block in my life for so long and to know that its going to be removed is almost beyond what I can dream...I am getting use to the idea of envisioning in future when just a month ago I didn't think I had one. I am on the pendulum of emotions about my life. I am going to have one... a life, me have a life of my own, no****ch everyone else have a life. Now don't get me wrong, I never thought why me, I just accepted it. I was OK with it. I have a good life, best husband on the planet, wonderful loving kids, best mom anyone could have. I love where I live, and so on. But I still only watched others live. I made no plans for a future I gave up on that about a year ago. I did live in denial for a while, that was nice. I didn't think about diabetes or the possibility of having a heart attack like my dad at age 50, no just went a long day by day ignoring the path I was on. Until my uncle died at 61 from diabetes. I hadn't seen him in many years and when I saw him I was a real eye opener, I guess I was jerked back into reality. I talked with my Aunt yesterday and maybe that's why I am blue today. I can not face a NO to surgery emotionally. I was turned down by my insurance in 2004 at the same time hurricane Ivan took out Pensacola and I never went back to try again until now. This time I am self pay so I don't have the insurance company in the mix. But I still worry a bit. I am sorry to unload here but I didn't know where else to do it. I don't have any cake or cookies to dive into,,, LOL

Mendy

Hey there Mendy!!!!!  This is the place to unload.  We all care and I promise, many of us have had these very same feelings.  It took me 3 years to be approved and appeals.  These are the times when He carries us.  Just lay back in His arms and let Him do His work.    You just know that we are all here for you in any way possible.  I will be praying that God will ease your mind and give you the confidence you need to go forward without worry.  You take care of you!! 

It's so perfectly normal to have these feelings...I was anxious, scared, uptight - you name it.  It's hard to make others around you understand what you're going thru.  That's what this site is for - everyone here knows how you feel.   The psych exam is a breeze - basically, they're going to want to know if you are prepared mentally for this type of life change.  And you ARE prepared.  The nutritionist is there to help you - help you know what to expect with your eating habits post surgery.  I really wish I had had a better meeting with a nut myself...it's taken me a long time to learn what is good for me and what isn't...I should have known that up front.

Take a deep breath - all will be fine!!

Ladies,
thanks for the support. I went out for the day with my daughter, it helped to talk to her, she is very encouraging. I thought about what I was going to do instead of seek comfort in sweets when I have those down days. I hope I dont have as many down days in the furture. I dont consider myself depressed but the doctor says I am. most of the time I am a happy person. I have to look for other things to do when I stress and I know that it will take time but I can do it. All of the stories online give me such hope... thanks again for the support...

M

Actually, I think a majority of overweight people ARE depressed to some extent.  It is hard going through life with literally a lot of baggage (hanging on our frames).  I know I was depressed even though I wasn't medicated (yet)!  WLS doesn't solve everything that's for sure and can bring on another whole new set of issues.  But if you have a solid foundation and good support and you know it's what you want, then you just go for it.  And waiting is the hardest part.  I think most of us worried about all sorts of things coming between us and that gold ring called WLS.  Try to be peaceful.  it will come.  Glad you had a good day with your daughter!  I love time with mine (she's had WLS as well).  Hugs and best wishes!

Hi Mendy.  That is what this board is all about.  You can come here and voice your fears, your victory's, your problems.  We have been there. We have walked those roads and we all know where you are coming from.  I don't think you will hear one person on this board say they are sorry they had this surgery.  I do know you would hear many say they wish they could do it over and change the way they used the surgery.  I would be the first one in line for that.   For a while you will not be able to eat as you know it now.  Many refer to this time as the honeymoon period.  This is the time to change your habits and form a new life style.  But before it you will be able to eat "real" food.  Just not as much of it.  You are not going to be turned down.  And if a hurricane comes your date will just be changed.  No big deal...All in God's time...but you know that!!

Now, how was that vacation???  What about pictures????

Dear Kay and Debbie,
thanks for the love, all you ladies are great...Debbie, I am sitting here tonight focusing on head hunger. I want to go into the kitchen and snack but I am not hungry...I want to change in the worst way. I know that the tool will not change my habits only I have the power to change those habits. I had quit a lot of things in my life. smoking, drinking and drugs so why has it been so hard with food. I guess I have replaced one habit with another, like lots of people do, so now is the real deal. got to quit for real and for sure... I just pray I am one who can do it. I have seen so many who have not been able to break the cycles of madness in their lives. I now that God can use me to help others if I can lean on Him to conquer this in my life. I talk to ladies in Jail who have drug addictions every other week and I feel like a hypocrite when I tell them they can do. that small voice in my head says oh yeah, how can you tell them they can do it when you cant break the sugar habit...so now when I get free I will be able to tell them they can with power and confidence.... thats my heart and goal... I want this so bad for more that just me.
The Vacation was great and I posted pics on my page... my two daughters and good friend are with me... check them out.
M

"I had quit a lot of things in my life. smoking, drinking and drugs so why has it been so hard with food."

Because you can live without cigarettes, alcohol and drugs.  But you HAVE to eat, so food stays in your life.  You can't remove it like the others.  Makes the choices much harder...  And you are right, you replaced one habit with another.  You probably have an addictive personality.  Many people do.

I admire the work you're doing with the ladies in jail.  Well, I will go look at your pics now!