Children

First Grade True Story
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said 'Holy %$#@! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.


I teach high school, but a good friend of mine is a kindergarten teacher.  One day a little boy tattled on another, telling my friend the other student said the "B" word.  Wondering exactly which "B" word, she called the boy over and asked him to repeat what he had said.  He did not want to repeat it for the teacher, but after some prodding he finally admitted to saying "Bagina".

I work as a secretary at an elementary school.  During the second week of school a student in Mrs. Maemura's first grade class was sent to the office after having a bathroom accident.  Number 2.  I bent down and softly asked her if she had diarrhea.  She looked up at me and said "No.  I have Mrs. Maemura."

"Real teachers keep a straight face when a parent tells them their child did not complete the homework because their computer does not have Roman
numerals on it." (True story!)


The children had all been photographed, and
the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and
say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a
doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's
the teacher; ...she's dead."


I was doing a Character Counts lesson on cooperation.  I asked my kindergarteners if anyone could tell me what cooperation means.  A little girl raised her hand and said, "Someone in my family had a cooperation and died!".

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here? The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there? Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest.   As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?   Oh, no! the little girl replied. Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants.


A  wise school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.