Friends? Support?

I talked with a close friend tonight and am really disturbed by her comments. I commented that because I am trying to prep myself for surgery I am working on making better food choices, and then with the B-12 supplementation (injections/sublingual), I have started to lose weight. Though because I've not seen a scale, have no idea how much I'm losing, just that my clothes are getting too big. She asked, "would you choose not to have the surgery, if you continue to lose?" I indicated that once I reach a plateau, that usually stops everything, so I still would want the surgery. "But, you seem to have such a good support system right now." I then told her that I am going for a second opinion psych consult, and she came down on me really hard. "He was only asking for 7 session." Again, I indicated that I believe his diagnosis to be WRONG and have the backup of my primary physician and other mental health professionals. It does hurt a lot, because often I do respect her opinion. And although she has struggled with her weight over the years, she has never had the same issues of largess as I have. I do understand, or can rationalize that she simply doesn't understand.

Hi Chris, Thats to bad I to would get a 2nd. I hope all works out for you. I'll keep you in my toughts and prayers. Jason

Hi Chris, First of all, good for you that you are determined to do what you feel is "right for you." I haven't told my family or friends I am hoping to have lapband surgery, because I know that they will have the same sort of reaction that your friend had. People don't always understand just what this surgery is. It seems that they either think it is "too radical" or a "quick fix." But a person goes through a lot before they get to the point of surgery... and it's not like we haven't thought this through. I'm not sure at what point (if ever) I will tell my friends & family about this surgery. I'm thankful that there are people that can give me support & friendship during this time, because those close to me that "think they know me" don't always understand. As far as the psych evaluation - I had to go for 3 sessions (not covered by insurance) - and as far as I am concerned, it was a complete waste of time. But if he hadn't "approved" me, I would be doing the exact same thing you are doing - seeing another psychologist. Don't lose hope... I've been going through this process for almost a year now (my fault...) ... but I am excited to think of my future. I am hearing good things about surgery, and looking forward to moving ahead with my life. Sorry, this post is so long, but friends/family not supporting a person is a big issue with me. I'm sorry you had to go through this. If you ever need to talk about it, feel free to e-mail me.

The one group I haven't told about surgery (except my sister, and the cousin who has had lap-band) is my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins). I don't think they'd approve at all. I won't see them until next year's reunion anyway, and want to shock them all (if things go as planned). I recently started B-12 treatment and have commented to friends about how much better I feel. And another one said "are you still considering surgery?" I answered definitively, absolutely! because I need to get a quality of life back. Her question didn't bother me because I know she's opposed to surgery as a nutrition educator (not a nutritionist) for our local university extension (part of the foodstamp program). I'm not losing hope and really have a resolve to do this, with my goal being right around the holidays. If possible between Christmas and New Years' or the week of Christmas. Most think I'm nuts, since that's FOOD SEASON. I don't celebrate the holidays anyway, except at work. If my sister invites me for Christmas, she will have to understand I won't be having her dinner. I would like to start the new year on the other side... and insurance is supposed to have an exclusion into the next year.

Hi Chris, Thought your comment about having surgery "during the holidays" was really interesting. Because typically that's when I have always seemed to focus more on losing weight. It's like all the excess - and all the food issues - seem to come to a head and make us want to do something about it. Plus, the prospect of starting the New Year on a positive note is really appealing, isn't it? Hopefully we both will have surgery dates before the end of the year and 2005 will see us moving forward with our lives. Glad to hear your B-12 treatment is working and you have been feeling better. Good luck, Nanci

Keep your head up. I guess you find out at times like this who your "true" friends are. I confided in only 'ONE" person who I thought would help me and be a good friend and be there for me through this. I was even hoping she would come when I had surgery. Her comment was "Why have it now? You have always been fat!" Keep going and know you have people here that understand what you are going through. good luck to you, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Yes, you do find out who your friends are, and who is supportive and who is not. The conclusion I am coming to is this is my decision. If they don't like it, tough. If it changes our relationship, then so be it! I have created a very good support network and cheering section. I know there are folks at work who are already watching my intake and what not. I explained to a co-worker last week that I can eat whatever I want. I'm not having surgery yet, but I am attempting to make better choices. When I do get closer to surgery then things will change with the liquids, etc. So, with halloween, I have had a couple of chocolates, but one bite-size is good enough. This is a real change for me.... used to be the whole bag!

Chris, I fully support your decision to go ahead with another professional opinion. My family and friends weren't supportive of my decision to move forward with surgery at first either. I have only told those family members and friends who I felt would be supportive - and now they're all on my side. It really took some doing since my family/friends feel that 'real skinny people aren't attractive.' LOL I told them (like you) that it's about a better quality of life. You get to a point where you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. I explained my co-morbidities and how my yo-yo dieting wasn't healthy either. It makes a world of difference to have their support now. We do research together online, share tapes of discovery health channel's surgery info about WLS, and just talk about all the ins and outs of surgery. Their main concern is that I die on the operating table... But I will leave that in my surgeon (and God's) hands! I'm hoping to have my surgery before the year's end, too!