Questioning feelings about myself.

Over the years I have come to accept my fate and belief that I am the way I am and nothing is going to change that. There is 300 years of documented obesity in one of my family lines, and possibly so in another. Here I am with a potential for significant change, and I'm not sure how I really feel about it. Physically, I am falling apart. Bad knees, inability to walk much, tendon troubles all over, fibromyalgia (in remission most of the time), chronic back pain, those awful heat rashes (even though it's not been hot this summer). The big thing are the emotions that are running through re my self-esteem. Have I truly accepted myself, therefore being generally happy as an individual, or do I not accept myself? It's taken a very long time to get to a reasonable level of acceptance, it's scary! I'm sure this is part of the process too. My goal is not so much to "look" better, but to definitely "FEEL" better. I think I'd be happy with a 100 pound loss, getting me under 200 pounds. Gone are the days, where at 230, I still felt the ideal weight was that impossible 98. I am not currently at my highest, but have maintained about 20 pounds below my high of 308 for nearly a year. It was not weight I tried to lose, it just happened. I sure hope others have similar feelings, and I'm not the only one. The feelings going through me right now, are remnants of my bulimic thinking, and I simply don't like it.

Hello Chris, i am so there with you on these issues. Will this radical surgery really help, especially after the supposed 18 month losing part?? then what?? i cannot do another diet. I cannot do this surgery only to set myself up for another failure. I too have a family hx of obesity for a long, long time . This is all so very difficult. we are overweight, stay over weight and NEED to get okay with that and to be happy with ourselves however we look! That is the hard part. I am 59, over 350 pounds, short of breath, fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, high blood pressure etc. etc. etc. BUT my husband loves ME, my kids love ME, my grandson loves ME...it is only ME who doesn't love ME....so there!!! Now what?? you are not alone. Kahty

"Will this radical surgery really help, especially after the supposed 18 month losing part?? then what?? " This is why I chose the band - it is adjustable and continually adjustable over time. I have heard of many RNY patients who have been successful after the 18 months "window" so I wouldn't say you would be destined to only lose during that time frame. Good luck on your journey, Kathy - keep us posted on your progress!! Take care, Amy Dr. Chiang 7/14/04 346/293/???

Chris- I think many of us have similar feelings when we are getting ready for surgery. For a long time I told myself I was fine being large - it was who I am and I don't care if people don't like it - I like me and that's good enough. Then I realized that I wasn't happy with me, that I had to do something about it, so I had surgery. Even now as a post-op I wonder will this really work, at what point will I be happy with myself, etc, etc, etc. If you need anything feel free to "shout". I am also a patient of Dr. Chaing's. I live in West Allis.

Chris You wouldn't be normal if you didn't have these kind of feelings. It is not easy to just accept yourself and live out life. There are so many different levels of acceptance. Any type of surgery will give you the weight loss and take away some of the daily pains that your body is feeling but one thing to remember is that no matter what anyone says, it is NOT the easy way out. There is alot that encompasses WLS and you don't have it and wake up the next day skinny. There are alot of choices to make and a level of comfortablility in your choices. 100 lbs can make a big difference as well in your overall mental status. It is sometimes hard to change a mindset when a person has been overweight for a long time. There is fear of the unknown but it needs to be taken one step at a time and having someone to talk to also helps. You have to do what will benefit you the most in the long run. Do research and feel comfortable with your choice. Best Wishes. Cheri

Again, thanks so much for ALL of your wonderful responses. I think we really need to weigh all the risks and benefits to determine if it is truly worth it. I put the question out there because immediately the above self-criticisms came out, and they hit me like gangbusters. Everyone who has responded is at different stages of their process, and I am not hearing ANY ONE saying that they regret doing this, even those who have dealt with some serious and frightening complications. I know that as I go through I will need to grieve the loss of part of me, and I am pretty sure that I will need to be in therapy once I hit the brickwall that I have built up around me. That's got some pretty serious mortar holding it together. I'm not sure how I will react to any advances that may or may not be made. It has been a very long time since I have been close to anyone. I am also pleased with the professional responses I am getting from docs. My orthopod admitted that he hasn't much knowledge, but that bariatrics has become a legitimate specialty with new improvements constantly. He just warned me about the place that also does the vein surgery and cookie diets, their purpose solely to get $$. It's time for and then