Need encouragement

I went to my 6 week postop appt with Dr Weber. It was so far worse than what I was braced for. I don't know where to start. I am very down, ultra discouraged and I feel like a failure. My appointment was at 3:30. I was not seen til 4:30! In fact, a woman with a 4:15 appt was seen before me!! The wait wore hard on my already frazzled nerves. I was glad to have the opportunity to visit with several other postops and that helped. I tried to remain unannoyed about the excessive wait. According to DrW's scale that's only a loss of 30 lbs in 6 weeks. Not the 33 that mine shows. Anyway... Summer weighed me and gave me a soft-spoken congrats on my 30lb loss. The intern(?) saw me first (Dr Didi?) She didn't impress me as warm and I felt no connection with her at all. She was a thin waif of a thing. I was certain that her experience with dieting/dieters was limited to book learning only. I was shocked at some of the information she presented me. She explained that a 300 cal/day diet left a 400 cal a day deficit. She said that the body requires only 700 cal a day to live. A 400 calorie deficit would *only* lead to 1 lb a week weightloss. Excuse me, but WTF!? We are all professional dieters here. Have you every heard that? Ever? People on all diets should be exploding fat being that they usually consume 1200 cals a day. Using her rationale, that's a surplus of 500 cals a day. Those dieters should be gaining a pound a week! I stared at her like what are you saying to me???? In walks DrW. His bedside manner was every bit as bad as I have experienced so far, this time I just didn't have the grace for it. He was clearly displeased with my WL. He was quick to (and rightly so) discuss my exercise. Evidently, my 3-4 times a week is the clear and ONLY cause for my slow weightloss. He said that it was a good thing I had been existing on so few calories (200-300/day) or my results would have been far worse. He also indicated that it was a "good thing" that my stoma is swollen - it'll work in my favor. He's not inclined (but neither am I) to dilate it just yet. Frequently, when I asked a question or made a comment, he'd give me a quick reply and then turn to the intern and discuss me or the answer in greater detail to the intern - as if I wasn't there. When I mentioned that I get hungry 3-4 times a day. He indicated to me that it was normal but that many patients don't get ever hungry again. Then he discussed at length with Didi in doctorese about the hunger hormone and how most GB patients have reduced ... I dunno - what I took from it was that I was out of the ordinary and failing at that too. There was no discussion of plateaus or stalls - absolutely no grace. I have failed. His primary message was that if I don't get on the stick I will end up weighing 200 and stay there. His only encouragement was "you can do it." Then I was admonished to lose 25 lbs in the next 6 weeks or I'd fail and not reach my goal weight. I was soooo down when I went in there. I expected the appt to be difficult. I expected a scolding. But, I also expected to be encouraged and motivated. I left crying. Please do not take this to read that I do not understand that I need to increase my activity. Nor do I think I have done everything perfectly. I thought part of the idea behind surgery was to help with our imperfections - to give us an edge/advantage. My adherence to this protocol has been pretty good - 200 to (now) 500 cals a day. Fluids/blended foods. Water. Vitamins. Regular exercise. Not perfection. I haven't felt this down - borderline depressed - in a very long time. In general, I am not a depressed person nor am I inclined toward bouts of depression. I do have to say that the surgery has kept me for binging on food in response to how I feel. That is a good thing. I am completely afraid that I have failed or am in the process of failing. In my heart I think that the scale will continue not to move and that I'll be stuck here indefinitely. I don't regret surgery, I just can't see beyond the mounting evidence that I am failing. Thanks for reading such a long me-me-me post. I appreciate your advice and support. Nan

Nan, You need to tell your doc to go "blow himself". In my opinion, 30 pounds in 6 weeks is pretty darn good. That is an average of 5 pounds per week. What other diet have you ever been on that averaged that? I have been on none that I lost a steady 5 pounds per week. You have acknowledged that you need to work harder on the exercise, and I have every faith in the world that you will do that. Everyone loses weight at a different rate. I am losing slower than most that post on here. It does frustrate me, but yet, I feel there is nothing I can do about it, and the main thing is, this is a diet I cannot just quit. I have no choice but to continue to eat small portions and drink a ton of fluid and protein. You WILL be successful Nan!!!!! DO NOT let some waif of an intern, nurse, or whoever make you feel like you are not. Quite frankly, I would write a letter to the office manager at Dr. Weber's office and tell her how you felt after that appointment. Even doctors need to be knocked off their pedestols once in a while. I have worked with docs for 18 years, trust me, their ego's need a good slap back into reality on occasion. You paid him a lot of money to give you this surgery. You DO NOT need him to make you feel like doodoo 6 weeks out from it. Just keep up the good work, keep to your postop diet (whatever that may be), and get going with the exercise. It will all be fine!!!!! I have faith in you and I BELIEVE IN YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!! Hugs!!!!!! Laura

Thank you sooo much for taking the time to console and encourage me. I tell ya, I was DOWN!! I am doing better. Expecially given all the help here at OH. I am trying to put it all in its place and just continue on. Thanks for all your kind words. It means the world! Hugs right back! Nancy

Hi Nan, I really am feeling for you right now. You are not failing; instead, it sounds like your doctor's office and his staff are failing YOU. How dare they lay the blame simply on your habits, rather than trying to figure out whether something went wrong with your surgery. Sure, increased exercise will help, but that stoma sounds like a problem rather than a good thing. Do you work with a dietician? There are so many different ways to approach your eating in these post-op weeks. For instance, the rule for me is to eat 1/2 cup of food, 6 times per day, and each must include protein of some sort. Of equal importance are low-fat starches and fruits and vegetables. I am not up to a full 1/2 cup yet, since I am only 3 weeks post-op. I am still in the stage of eating only pureed foods, which is not as bad as what I thought it would be. I'm no expert or doctor, but if I were experiencing what you are going through, I would try any diet changes to find out whether it works for me. As for your 30 pound loss, think about it in perspective. How can you be "failing" after such an incredible loss?!?! The doctors and researchers cannot pinpoint how rapid anyone's weight loss will be; it is completely different for everyone. I am so, so sorry that those people made you feel like a failure. And the pressure of 25 pounds in the next six weeks! That's just wrong, in my opinion. Again, the reason why so many of us had this surgery is that we have not been able to fit in anyone's "category" in terms of amounts lost and time it takes us to lose weight. WLS is not a magic bullet, it is a tool. Our bodies are still very individual and mysterious. You are going to reach your goal, somehow, some time, and no one can take that away from you! I have done tons of research on this WLS (as I'm sure most of us have), and I never ran across anything that shows that there are these "25 pounds in 6 weeks" rules. This is not all or nothing, Doctor! Nan, feel free to contact me by email or whatever you need, and I will share in detail what works for me. I am here to help. Don't ever give up! Your friend, Chris

Thank you, Chris!! You are a doll for writing me to encourage me!! I am encouraged! Thanks! I don't think anything went wrong with my surgery. I don't mean to implicate DrW like that. Part of me thinks that I am simply at a stall or a resting phase and that the WL will pick back up soon. But I have been so discouraged that I find myself doubting that. I wish he had offered more encouragement than scolding or demoralizing. I've been thinking about seeing a dietician on my own. I don't think that nurtrition is my doc's forte. I'm on full fluids still - which is fine I don't think that I could handle too much else. I explore now and then, but usually pay a price. I can only eat about 2-3 oz. About a 1/4 - 1/3 a cup. It's DrW's thinking that GB patients should lose half their excess by 3 (or is it 4?) months. I think stats are helpful, but do not erase the individual, you know? I certainly hope that I do lose 25 in the next 6 weeks. I don't have much faith that I will, but it'd be nice. I think had he suggested it as a goal and not held it over my head with a threat of failure it would have been a lot easier to take! Thanks again, friend! Nancy

"It's DrW's thinking that GB patients should lose half their excess by 3 (or is it 4?) months." He said at my last appt. that it was half in 3.5 months.

Nan, Wow, 30 lbs in 6 weeks is AWESOME! My doctor recommends 1-2 lbs only for health reasons. Try to not take what they said personally, you are in charge!!! They failed you with thier poor customer service. I would call or write them with your concerns, and prepare yourself for your next visit by stating the obvious (how well your doing). Or find another Dr.!! I know for me post op is such a vulnerable time, you need support, encouragement, and cheerleading, not critical feedback! Hang in there. Shari

EXACTLY! It is a vulnerable time. I doubt myself. I worry about so much. I needed support. I will be sure to follow up with a letter or a review when all is said and done. Thanks, Shari, soooooo much for writing an encouragement to me. It's really great to get so much help. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Take care, Nancy

WOW!! You are doing great! and you LOOK great! I need to keep the long term in mind. My stall has been very frustrating - at my appt it felt like I was kicked while I was already down, you know? I really appreciate your encouraging post! Alll these responses really have made a difference. The calorie thing was a headscratcher to me. I was like "What are you talking about???" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I (like you) have lost tons of weight on 1000-1500 cal/day diets. She made no sense. It didn't make me feel like I was being well cared for. In fact, not a single vital stat was taken. I wondered if I wasn't there more for his ego than my care anyway. Ugh. Oh well... I need to keep reminding myself that I didn't have surgery for DrW, I did it for me. It was God that lead me to have it, it is God that is going to lead me to success too! Thank you again, Sonya! You really do look dynamite! Nancy

Nancy, I have so much to say. I am sitting here nodding my head because I know exactly what you are talking about on so many different points. If you looked at my profile, you will see that I didn't leave a review of Dr. W and his office. I write to you later tonight. I am off to football practice right now. Hat