Tomorrow
I have been trying to stay busy. I took the boys and some of their friends to the Ft Lewis Pool yesterday. Today I took the boys to have our picture taken after getting my hair cut. DH said he was going to not sleep all day, but he did.
My emotions are ok. I was doing really great until bed time. I realized that if something went wrong, these would be my last words to them. And, because I didn't want to scare them, I couldn't say all that I wanted to. There were lots of hugs and kiss until my oldest boy came to me. He held me for a long time and then bust into tears. At this point, we cried together. He said he was really going to miss me. He wouldn't say more. That hurt.
When I finally got him into bed, DH and I had a fight. With emotions high, I didn't want to speak. But, he set in on me. Why was I packing? What did I think I needed to take? And, what is the big deal? I bit my lip for the most part and didn't want the boys to hear us fighting. I told him that this was yet another time that I needed his support and couldn't figure out why he couldn't give it to me. So, he left. And, now he is hiding at work even though he said he would be there only a short time.
Since I am on a vent, my dear husband has decided to NOT take any time off to help me when I get home. He has three days off (his usual time) and expects me to be home Friday afternoon. He goes into work Friday night. When he says this is no big deal, I guess he means it. He also told a friend of mine that he doesn't understand why I even want this surgery.
Sorry I am in a nasty mood, so here is another. I have been on a liquid diet the last two days. Today at Burger King, I was wondering if there was any way to turn a hamburger into clear liquid. Anyway, even though I can't eat and I am really hungry, I am still having to cook the meals. I know this is how it will be after. But, I don't think it would be too much to ask for him to offer to make dinner for himself and the boys. Instead, they all sat with a sad hungry in their eyes tonight until I got up and fixed something. If I am not home by Friday, they might all starve to death.
OK sorry for all of that. We just had our 15 year anniversary a week ago. So, something must be working between us. But, sometimes he is a real **** I guess that is why I am a good military wife. I am able to survive with no support from him.
I guess I should go to bed. See you from the other side. And, thanks to every one for all of the support. I would like to thank everyone individually. But, I still have some stuff to do before bed.
~~Hat
Your life is changing right now, Hat! This very minute! WOW! You are in my prayers. I feel awful that the night before surgery was so difficult. Hubby and kids are probably in the throws of their own worries and stresses about your surgery and forgot that it was *you* that was facing the table. 15 years speaks of a great working relationship - congrats on that! I hope that your recovery is exceptionally speedy and that you are soon feeling better than your old self! God bless and be with you and keep you safe and healthy! I pray also that he bring peace to your loved ones! Blessings,
Oh my gosh! I'm so excited for you! This is an emotional journey as well as a physical one, so I bet you are experiencing many emotions right now! I will keep you in my prayers, I'm sure you'll be just fine! One thing that picks me up is looking at the before and after pictures on this website LOL. Let us know how you are doing when you return home please Tomorrows like a new birthday for you!
Many blessings,
Kimanne