WLS and Marriage

I am needing some information from WLS graduates about the effect this will have on my marriage. I have not felt good about myself in a long time and I know I can't wait till the day I will again. I haven't felt sexy and desirable in a long,long time. I was wondering if I do get approved and have the surgery will the so called "sex kitten" part of me come back? and will my husband be happy with the new me? I am not doing this for anyone but me but I do wonder will it be diffrent once the weight starts coming off???? ~Melissa

*Anxiously awaiting replies* LOL

Hi Melissa...I haven't had surgery yet, but from reading and hearing other people's stories, I have heard a lot. Things of course will change...most people feel more desirable when they lose weight...and there can be a greater satsifaction with sex and intimacy.  I know at one point I lost a lot of weight - and I definitely felt more beautiful and sexy...and I enjoyed sex a lot more...and it was a lot more comfortable. Also there can be negative changes...sometimes the spouse will feel jealous or fear losing their spouse because of the changes.  Which will obviously manifest differently in different people. But things will definitely NOT stay the same.  HOW they change will probably be dependent on how your personality changes and how open you BOTH remain in communicating with each other.  Anyway, those are some of the things I have gleaned from reading around.  Hope that helps for now!

Annie, Thanks for the insight, I am ready to have the surgery and to have my life be diffrent. I think the part where the husband might become a little jeaslous would be nice. I dont want him to be a jerk but it would be nice to have him feel a little bit jealous. We have been married 15 yrs as of next week and I just want us to have the spark we had at the first. I was very thin and in great shape when we got married,but that has been gone for 10 nows. I have wasted so much time being fat and I hate it and at times hate myself for wasting so much time.

When are you going to have your surgery??

~Melissa

I am hoping to have my surgery in February....but it may not be until March.  I orginally had wanted it for the last week of January...but that's my next appt - to schedule the surgery.

I want to have my ASAP as well, I go friday to find out results of EGD then we submit to Tricare. Keep your fingers crossed for me that they approve me. I am scared to death they will deny me

Well, I am only 6 months out, but have lost about 70 lbs. The biggest difference I notice is that I have more energy so am not so tired at night and am more willing. I have always felt pretty confident about myself no matter what size, and have a hubby that thinks I am a goddess no matter what, but I think just having that extra weight off has made it easier. Robin

I can't wait till I am 6 months out, I am wanting this so bad and just pray it goes thru. My husband and I have been together 15 yrs next week and I know he loves me. I just know that he is not attracted to me like he use to when we were first married. I want the "wow" factor again with him.Thanks for you info, that gives me more insight. ~Melissa

Melissa, if you already have problems with your relationship, WLS will likely compound it.  Will it mean you'll split?  That really depends on the foundation of your relationship. As you get more self confidence it will affect how he sees you (and how he sees others react with you).  If you become more outgoing he's going to either embrace that (if he accepts it) or he'll break away from you (especially if he's controlling). There's no saying if your husband will be more or less appreciative.  It really depends on how you met, how you see each other and all of that.  As you start feeling more confident, though, you're going to start to express your sexuality. Lori

Lori, You are a wise soul and I appreciate the advice you gave me. I think my husband will embrace all of my new confidence and be happy to have me back. I use to be a much happier person, I long to have my old self back ~Melissa