Oh my dear, you are far from alone!

In 2005, at 325 pounds, I had lap-band put in. It was a great success! I got down to 150 pounds in less than a year. I was focused, I was careful, I was active. It was the best $15,000 I had ever spent on anything!

Then I got divorced, lost my job, and lost my house. Eating was all I could think about, and I ended up doing what you described doing: treating myself to foods I had no business eating. I got back up to 260 pounds.

I moved to another country, with socialized medicine. I went to an obesity clinic looking for help. The doctor determined my lap-band was leaking, and no longer created any restriction. My new country would pay for me to have corrective surgery. Due to scarring and other issues, the best option was an RNY bypass.

So, on 10/10/2017, I had the RNY. It was a great success! I got down to 150 pounds in less than six months (I didn't have as much to lose the second time). I was focused, I was careful, I was active. I banished bread, rice, pasta, potatoes, cookies, brownies, cake, pastries, ice cream, as well as any and all other starchy foods (e.g., beans, corn, and peas) from my kitchen, plate, and mouth. I met a new man and we moved in together; I was so happy and felt so proud of my svelte new "me".

But, now, almost 4 years later, I have put on almost 40 pounds, and disgust myself. I can't make any more "surgical commitments" to my weight loss. I really just need to get a handle on my relationship with food, my body, and my (horribly critical) inner voice. People tell me I should be gentle with myself, but how can one be "gentle" with someone one despises. I have always thought of myself as my brain, and the rest of me as my brain's enemy. I need to change that. I desperately need to change my vision of my body ... it is not separate from me, and is not a traitorous back-stabbing constant source of pain and hurt. How I do that is still a mystery.

I also know that I have to acknowledge and manage my relationship with food. I have gone back to basics, starting with an 800-calorie a day liquid protein diet to "restart and realign" my post-bariatric stomach. I am sure I stretched my pouch to my stomach's original size as the quantity of food I was able to consume was simply far too much for a post RNY pouch, way, way more than it should be able to handle. So, after a couple more days of that (it has been 5 days), I should be ready to reintroduce meat and other proteins. I will not, however, let starchy carbohydrates back in my mouth. I will, of course, eat healthy vegetable carbs once I think my pouch has shrunk back to its proper proportion.

Thanks for reading this, and letting me tell you my story, so you do not feel alone or ashamed of yourself, as what happened to you can happen to anyone. It has happened to me TWICE. As the old saying goes, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me!" Boy do I feel the "shame on me".

Be gentle with yourself, and know you have been heard and understood. A big virtual hug is being sent in your direction.

"Fortunately", it

Thank you for the support! I have to admit I'm feeling pretty awesome on this liquid diet. Day 7 was much easier!

Truly needed to hear this! Thank you for the support!

Greeting,

I started this journey December 24 and I was 424 pounds

today I am 362

I am on day six of the liquid diet and I've been 100% successful with no cheating

however we all know tomorrow is Fourth of July! I've done an awesome job of sticking to the script besides a few shortcomings in the past seven months

I'm finally get particularly hard to stick on the journey as I have until July 12 to get the surgery done.

has anyone went off the script on the liquid diet for one day one meal only?

I normally do premiere protein in a blender with ice and two packs of Splenda.

Please share your experiences being on your liquid diet!