@hollykim: I like the way you made it straightforward in your reply. It's super simple to eat clean, but not necessarily easy.

I spent so many years being a people pleaser and ignoring myself while I took care of other people.\

I looked at how I cared for others and I called it kindness. I heard myself say "there is not enough time in my life for MY LIFE." "I am so tired." "I do ALL THIS for other folks and I no one ever asks me what I need."

When I wanted to be a person who actually cared for me, I had a hard time with other people's reactions.

Or - more like - MY thoughts about what other people's reactions would be.

I hadn't even gotten to the part where I actually changed my behavior - I was playing out scenarios about what they would say, what they would do, how I would have to argue for myself, stand up for myself, because they would, OF COURSE not be okay with me not doing for them like I had done before.

Before I could experience myself as a person who had boundaries in *real life* I experienced myself as a person who let people down by my having boundaries IN MY MIND.

Did you hear me, love? I fought with people IN MY MIND and I LOST.

And I stayed the same.

And I ate because "this is all I have for me."

And I drank because "this is all I have for me."

And I over spent because of all the little ways I was trying to do for others, or save myself time - because I had no time because I CHOSE to spend my time and my mental energy either thinking about how I could do more for other people (so I could feel good about myself) OR fighting with them about the person I would become - the person who stood up for themselves, who they surely would not like.

And if I was not a "nice person" would no one liked me, love me, want me around?

This is a brain. A sweet, loving, human brain who is ONLY trying to protect me. A brain that only knew to keep myself safe by focusing on other people, and then when I wanted to focus on me - would remind me of how dangerous it was.

A brain who whispered to me that it was better to say the same and suck it up and stay in my circles, than to do anything else. Might as well eat. Might as well spend. Might as well drink. Might as well look for tiny crumbs of "mine."

It was how I was. It was how I always had been. It was how I had been trained by my upbringing. It was how I was molded by society.

It was how I stayed comfortably miserable on the inside.

They were only thoughts. Thoughts I could decide to change. Thoughts about other people, their thoughts, their feelings.

I was a hoarder. I was a hoarder of responsibility for other people's thoughts, feelings, and a hoarder of ****ty feelings for myself.

It doesn't have to be this way. There is another way. It takes work and its worth every bit of effort. We start with compassion and "of course." Of course our brain thinks this. Of course.

You are loved. You are worthy. You get to decide how you want to feel about them and about you.

Experience yourself differently. You can. You can choose.

Oh, thank you very much!! I had not logged into OH in 10 yrs, so definitely need direction here as well! ð?'?

May 2022 makes 15 yrs post op for me. I haven't lost all that I wanted to, but I gained a lot recently while taking a new medication. I'm looking for current guidelines for eating. My surgeon is deceased. I now have a Medicare plan which doesn't cover a nutritionist. Feel a little lost and uninformed as to what are present day guidelines and preferable food and drinks. Would appreciate if someone can show me a (re)starting point or offer suggestions for nowaday guidelines.

first of all, your gain is not uncommon - AT ALL. Many of us (maybe most?) have a 10-20 lb rebound after hitting our lowest weight.

but if you want to lose it, I'd start tracking your food intake again if you're no longer doing that just to see how much you're eating. Do it for a good week or two since one day isn't going to tell you much. Take note of your average calorie intake (if you're using a tracker like MyFitnessPal (or whatever), it adds up your calories for you). Then try cutting out 100 calories a day for a couple of weeks. If nothing's happening on the scale, then cut a hundred more. Rinse and repeat until you start losing again.

if that doesn't appeal, go back to the way you were eating once you were a couple of months out of surgery. That is, protein first, then non-starchy vegetables, and then, if you have room, a small piece of fruit or whole-grain carb (if you're carb sensitive though, then maybe just stick to the protein and non-starchy vegetables)

or you could always try a program like WW (Weigh****chers) - there are several people on here who've been successful with that.