Just starting my journey need advice

I have been in the same situation. I am just on the border as far as BMI is concerned. I do have other health issues that tipped the "scales" for me and allowed me to have the surgery. I have had the same thoughts and feelings that you are having. I am now one week away from surgery and am on day 8 of a liquid diet. I keep thinking to myself, if I can lose weight for the surgery, why can't I just lose weight for myself. The thought is great, but I know that I will just rebound again. I have come to the realization that I really do need this tool to help me be the healthy person I need to be. And if I dont get the surgery I will be right back where I was a week ago... I dont want that. So hang in there. You need to do what's right for you. And you are not alone in feeling how you feel.

By the time I had surgery my BMI was below the insurance cutoff but luckily they used my starting weight for qualification. I lost 1/3 of my weight pre-op. My weight yo-yo'd my entire life and though prior to surgery I got to goal periodically I would stay there for about a day (if that long). The surgery made it easier to get to goal without hunger and is a true tool in maintenance. If I eat the right foods (especially dense protein), I still feel restriction even at 31 months out. I had 3 oz of hamburger with no bun about 3 hours ago and was completely full and still am not hungry.