Pity party

You might be right. I'm not sure if it's her or if it's just that we've dug some stuff up that's caused some regression.

That's the therapist talking, not you.

Believe me. I am a veteran/victim of many, many therapists.

If you don't feel completely comfortable with him/her, get a new one.

MAL

Hang in there Jess. I've been there and done that and it's such a miserable place to be. It felt like I was some sort of a robot under the control of a mad man. Eating and crying at the same time...

I've learned and I'm sure you know this, that it's not the over eating that's the problem, it's the underlying issue that's causing the problem. Sometimes we bury these things so deep we are completely unaware they exist.

Perhaps you are now at a point in your life where you (the inner you) is ready to take on something buried. You may be feeling anxiety because of this, not really realizing what's going on inside. It's easy to revert to old eating habits for comfort.

I absolutely don't mean to say I know what's going on with you. I'm just throwing this out as a possibility to consider.

This journey is long and full of suprises! Like I said earlier, hang in there. I think you are doing a wonderful job!

Barbara thank you for your empathetic response, it means a lot. I think you're right, digging this stuff is hard but figuring out why I'm soothing with food is super important.

I feel ya! At night when the kids are in bed, that is "my time" to finally decompress and usually when I snack the most. You are not alone.

Thank you, it helps to know I'm not alone.

You are SO not alone! I can definitely relate. This may not be your issue, but for me, it's all about the carbs. If I start having more than I should, the cravings become irresistible, I can stand there mentally flogging myself while I make a snack and still go ahead and eat it, and then I feel terrible about myself afterwards, which of course makes me want to comfort myself with carbs again.

I either have to get everything out of the house so I cannot possibly snack on carbs, or I have to white-knuckle it for a few days until the worst cravings have passed. It helps me to get back to tracking food again for a while so I can see how quickly I'm going off the rails and try to correct it.

Also, try keeping your hands busy. I love doing jigsaw puzzles while listening to podcasts. Time flies by and I don't want to get my fingers messy with food. :)

Hang in there - you'll get back in control!

Thank you for your kind and helpful response. My carbs are higher than the average sleever because I have returned to vegetarianism. I think you're, that's probably turning up the cravings. Although because I'm committed to not eating me I'm going to have to figure out how to resist.

Jess, I could have written your post myself. I'm finding myself consciously going off the rails at night...and I am fully aware of what I'm doing, but it doesn't stop me. It's like at that point, I just don't give a **** I'm still early enough in the process that it's not totally sabotaging me, and I normally eat things I usually eat (no processed foods, keeping carbs under control, etc.) I'm searching for something - ANYTHING - that will help me stay focused on what I need to do...drinking tons of water/iced tea after dinner, going to bed early and reading, even painting rocks. It works for a day or two, then I'm back at it. I rarely feel like eating after a good workout, so as soon as I get my knee fixed, I'm going to start going to the gym in the evenings. I'm really hoping that will help. (currently I have torn cartilage/meniscus in my left knee and we're waiting on the insurance approval to go ahead with arthroscopic surgery to hopefully resolve it. I've been dealing with it for over a year, so it's going to be so good to be free of it and able to exercise like I want to.)

I'm also at a crossroads with my therapist. Neither one of us are feeling that she can offer me what I need. She's a great therapist, but her methods are to go back to "little Teresa" and soothe her from all the trauma, neglect and abuse she suffered from. She expects me to regress back to my childhood and cry and wail and basically have an emotional meltdown in our sessions...and that's just not me. The past is the past. I can't change it and I don't particularly care to re-visit it. She and I both believe that I need something like dialectical behavior therapy - actual methods and tools to change my patterns of behavior where food is involved. And I know absolutely that I need to be kinder to myself and quash the inner voice that tells me I'm a failure, I'll never succeed at this, I'm a pig, I have no self-control, I'm stupid and worthless, ad nauseum.

I'm confident that you and I will both figure this out. We're already way ahead of the game in recognizing our self-destructive behavior and searching for a solution. In the meantime, I'm about to do what I call a "brain reset" - where I go back to my pre-op diet for 4-5 days...I found it really helpful in regaining my focus and determination.

You've got this Jess!

Tessie your reply is so on point. The struggle is powerful. I think DBT therapy is a great idea. I've been talking with my therapist about that as well. I've been doing better this week, forward motion. We can do it