Significant other help

Has anyone else had to deal with a difficult significant other. I mean mine is totally being non supportive. I've been out of the hospital for 5 days and I swear he's eaten more junk food this week then we both did in a month, pizzas, panzarotti, fries and gravy, chili dogs, donair and burgers. Not to mention he completely doesn't understand why I got the surgery when he says I could have just dieter and exercised more. Sorry for the rant but it seems like you guys are a better supprt group then I have at home

May I ask how old you are? My gut says, RUN. This guy sounds like an immature asshat.

If he can't be kind to you at your most vulnerable, he's not kind.

Also, he sounds like he has issues with you losing weight, for whatever reason. Is he obese? He might be worried you'll leave him behind. If not, he might feel like you being obese makes you easier to keep and control.

FInally, extensive scientific research says that only 1-5% of people who diet and exercise along keep the weight off. So you can tell him to f#%^ off, with statistical backing.

We've been together 12 years and have a 10 year old together so it's not quite so simple. I don't know why he's not supportive, or if he just simply does think how it makes me feel although I've told him. But yes he's overweight as well but claims it's easier for him as a man to be overweight than to be a woman my size ( ps he is larger than me) I don't know for years he's been on my back about me losing weight and how I'm not near the person he met before and I've tried everything but now that I'm actually taking my life back in my hands he just doesn't get it. When I complain about what he's eating he just says why don't you eat one then or don't you like the weight you lost so far. It's really killing me right now.

I have to be honest with you. I have seen numerous relationships tank after one person gets WLS. It doesn't matter if you have a child together or not he will be your failure if you don't do something about it now.

He sounds controlling and manipulative to me, but that is my opinion and I don't know your relationship with him, just going by what you have said.

Who does the shopping? If it is you then don't buy any junk food and I wouldn't care if your significant other pitches a fit. If it is him, then I would make time to go yourself to get your foods and if you have to eat your food away from him then do it.

You've come to far to let someone try and sabotage your success. Stay strong.

He?s not wrong that an obese man may have an easier time than an obese woman in this society?but so?? The idea of an overweight partner telling their overweight partner to lose weight without trying to pitch or execute as a team effort (eg, Let?s get healthier together, hon!) is just not encouraging. By the by, it might be easier for him to move through society, but that doesn?t mean his health won?t deteriorate now or in the future.

As far as him eating unhealthy or tempting food. Well, that?s his right. It?s possible it seems like he?s more into it to you because you can?t have it. I think some of it is on you to stop obsessing on it. Early on, I needed to be in another room of my family was eating trigger foods. Now I?m able to cope like it?s no big deal. Your relationship with food can and will continue to change. It will probably help when your hormones settle down and you can start eating solid food again. I?m only about 4months out and can navigate the world without too much focus on what others choose to eat.

JYou have just made a massive adjustment to your body. It?s not a time to make big decisions, so I regret saying ?run?. I suggest that you get into individual and couples counseling ASAP, though. He does have some red flag behaviors. If this person you describe is truly who he is, just remember to protect your heart and prioritize yourself. It?s not going to help your 10yr old to live in a situation where they witness their dad treating their mom like horribly, if that is in fact the case.

Finally, I notice that you cite that you?ve been together 12 years and have a kid together, and that makes it not so simple. That?s true. You didn?t mention if you love him. Do you? Does he love you?

"Complaining" about what another person is eating isn't a good thing to do, even if he is being a jerk btw. You can work on you, but think: did others lecturing you on your food ever feel good, or work?

also: tell him if you eat the food he's eating, as he offered, it could cause a rupture and send you to the ER. So he needs to stop even saying that **** even if it is just him being mean.

A friend of mine had WLS and her husband has been unsupportive from the outset. Even though she was normal weight for the first half of their relationship and he is essentially normal weight, he fought her over having WLS and was doing all the things you described before and after her surgery. They have been going to couples therapy and it is getting better. Basically there are two issues for him: 1) that he lost his eating and drinking buddy (especially the latter apparently) and 2) More significantly that he is insecure and afraid that he will lose his wife if she looks better.

So perhaps try couples therapy?

ETA: The others here are correct that you need to accept that what you eat will often be different from others and just find what works for you and your plan and ignore the outside influences. But it does sound like there is more going on with your partner than that.

I don't like to say this but my husband is very not understanding. We are on the go a lot and he does a lot of the cooking. But he wants to cook stuff like Burgers, Or Home made Salisbury or a corned beef or something that is way loaded with fat or has a big carbs content. I don't like going out with him anymore cause he doesn't understand (he is a toothpick) and I just get tired of fighting the battle. His idea of taking me out always involves food. I got angry one day and asked him why going out on a date always had to involve food. I guess since he has the metabolism that keeps him slim and trim that he cant understand why I cant eat a pizza or a burger.

Drives me nuts because I would like to be able to go out and we both find healthy alternatives. SO yes, I can fully understand your delemia.

He's going to eat alot of crap, especially since you probably aren't eating or cooking now. You have to get mentally in a place where it doesn't matter what people around you are eating and focus on your eating and getting to the place you want to be. Don't look to him for support - find it with friends or here. If you get along otherwise, take the whole food issue out of the equation and don't make it an issue. Just carry on and stick to your plan. If he offers you pizza or other foods, just calmly and nicely say, "No thanks, I'm going to have __________ or I'm not hungry now. Eventually he'll stop trying to get you to eat, but don't give in. I'm not a therapist but this is just my opinion on how you're going to survive and be successful in that situation.

My mantra was always, I can eat a (fill in the blank), just not today....and eventually, you can eat -most likely 1/4 of a burger and you will be full. You are going to look and feel so great - it's all worth it! Just think about shopping for clothes, running up a flight of stairs, and just generally feeling better.

Well, I am a therapist and your advice is right on target! Right now you need to focus on you and I would not say a word about what he eats that you - at this time - cannot, take food out of the equation. I live with my sister who is thin and eats EVERYTHING and it is not always easy but I can say NO and you can too! I think, and I do not know your relationship but I think from what I have heard/seen of other WLS peeps to save your relationship you should find a counselor to go to hopefully with him but even if not then for you. Good luck and stay strong he will get better about throwing all this food in your face, to be honest I think he is afraid of losing you and that is a real fear.