Should I tell my friends and family?

I initially only told my husband, my daughter and my best friend. The week before I told my group of friends that I am very close with and have dinner once a month. I didn't want to lie when I obviously started losing weight. I will be telling my mom this week(I didn't want her to worry about the surgery and recovery). But my biggest reason was the same as yours, the comments , the assumptions the thoughts that I copped out for an easy way out. Which is what I always thought until I did my research and realized it is a tool that I needed to be successful and healthy.

Since I am a retired mental health person, I was comfortable disclosing; that is, my information might help someone, and my "secrets" haven't been positive for me emotionally. That said, its a highly personal choice, and only the person involved can decide what works best.

I have had comments like "you weren't fat" (lie) and "why"? The why is easy; chronic co-morbid conditions including uncontrollable severe angina. And since the surgery, I down from 17 meds to 4, plus vitamins. All my blood work has normalized for the first time in 12 years. I'm 66 -- it was a quality of life issue. And I was "fat". I was still me, but not a healthy me.

I have found over the years that "whyever would you want to know?" as a response sort of puts it back on the other person, ,in a kind way depending on your tone.

You'll find your way, and you look marvelous!

Thank you for your replies that really helped me.

I think this is a very individual question. I gave this a lot of thought, and divided the problem up as follows. This way of thinking about it might help someone else

Pre-surgery, you need to think about how you might feel if some of the people you tell are very much against it and tries to talk you out of it. I'm 58, and at this point in my life, I'm comfortable charting my own path and making my own decisions. However, when I was younger, I think I would have been upset if I felt "everyone" disagreed with a choice I was making. Prior to surgery, I only told a very select few people, ones that I knew would support me even if they had some concerns about the surgery. As it turned out, each of them understood, even my "skinny" friends.

Shortly after surgery, I think there's a little less risk in telling people what you've done. At that point, even people who are opposed to what you've done are less likely to give you a hard time about it because it's a fait accompli. In my case, everyone that I wanted to volunteer the information to, I had already told pre-surgery. But you might have a few close people that you do want to tell, but not until after it's over and done with. It might be a good idea to wait until you're feeling somewhat normal again. In the first few weeks, just finding things you can eat is enough of a struggle; you don't need someone giving you drama.

Once the weight loss becomes obvious, if someone asks me how I lost weight when other people are around, I'm not going to tell them anything more than a half-truth (e.g. "I've been having some stomach trouble", or "diet and exercise"). If someone comes up to me privately and asks, I'll likely tell them the truth, especially if they're struggling with their own weight and I think they'll be discreet with the information.

Breaking up the decision into those four cases made it easier for me to think about how I want to handle it.

When I was going through the process of getting surgery, I was constantly thinking of who i should disclose this to and how, and worried about their reaction.
Now, and even shortly after surgery, I told everyone and anyone who asked, even if they didn't ask, I would mention it?

For me, I was ashamed of where I was and I was worried that I would be judged for having to resort to surgery to help me lose weight, but now that I am on the other end. I am SO proud of myself for going through with it and CONTINUING to be a success. I tell everyone that I had surgery, but I also remind them that it was just a tool to jump start me - I work every day hard to be a success through diet and being active. I am not ashamed. I am proud. And so thankful this surgery exists .
So tell everyone I say. Tell em. And if they judge you - that is on THEM. Not you. And don't allow it to affect you in any which way.
Good luck!!

Ana

I told my family and had a lot of negative feedback. They are more concerned i'm going to be more sick after (my mom had complications with her surgery but shes healthy now and 130lbs!) I think if you feel like you want to tell people you should but if you're worried about being judged dont feel obligated. Its your body and you deserve to share whatever you want with who ever you want about it. Coming to this forum is good support and if you feel its enough dont worry about letting anyone else know if you're afraid of what they will say.

You are doing you and you're working on getting healthier and thats all that should matter.

good luck on your weight loss!