Should I tell my friends and family?

My 3 children any my sister and 1 of my friends knows I'm having VSG. My 5 brothers etc. don't know. I'm afraid they will say the only reason why she lost weight because of the surgery. Not looking at I choose to eat right and choose to work out daily it's a tool. I feel like I'm pretending to a close friend she want to do a liquid diet too. Hopefully no one ask me did I have surgery if so I have to be honest. Have anyone struggled with this issue?

I didn't tell anyone save for my husband and a co-worker (who had a bypass a number of years ago) and my bff who was doing it with me before I had the surgery.

I finally just went "public" with my friends via a post on Facebook (only my close friends can see it, my acquaintances and casual FB friends don't need to know). I'm 3 1/2 weeks post-op.

This is me on Jan 1, and on July 1. I lost 40 lbs in the six months before surgery. I have no idea where I am now, I don't get on the scale.

The amount of support and love I've gotten from everyone really moved me. I have my tribe behind me and it really feels awesome.

They know that I've been battling this for over 5 decades. They know my demons and issues. They've seen my trying over and over and over and over. And they KNOW that this is by no means the "easy" way out.

Omg you are unrecognizable! You look amazing! You go girl

Thank you, Mersh!

It even shocked me to see the two pics side-by-side. I'll be pulling that out when I'm feeling discouraged or hit a stall.

You look amazing! You should be very proud of yourself. You don't even look like the same person.

Thank you Nikki!

Girl, you need a new driver's license. Nobody will believe your ID is yours! Lol! You're doing great.

Thank you Pooky!

I wasn't quite so fat when I got my license renewed. Plus I renewed online so they used the old picture...I think it's like 10 years old. LOL! I'm hoping I won't have to get a new pi****il it expires in 2019.

You need to stop worrying what they think. That's their problem. It reflects on them, they way they think, they way they are.

I did not advertise about my RNY, but if soneosoasked me point blank, I did not lie.

And almost everyone were happy to tell me that they know someone who gained all their weight back. I smiled and noded and ....changed subject.

A lot of "skinny" people really did not care. Unfortunately, the bigger the person, the worse reaction I had from them (not everyone, but enough).

There was a lady who was specifically mean, so after so many cuts from her about me, to me or others, (over 6 months time) I asked her point blank when she is going to something about her health? Because unless she does something, her back and knees would "go", and she would become a insuIin dependent diabetic. From that point on she avoided me at social events. It was not a nice thing of me to confront her, but I had more that enough of her jokes about me, my diet, and even asking me if I "**** my pants yet?" (Really... Ugh) .

Pre-op I only told the people who needed to know in case I died in surgery. You know, the people who shouldn't find out that I was having surgery from a phone call in the middle of it? This means I told my parents, my partners, my brother (because my parents told me I should), and my three best friends. I also told some service providers who needed to know for technical reasons - my voice instructor and my massage therapist.

Post-op (with friends) I announced it on Facebook - to all my friends, not a filtered group - 3 or 4 months after surgery. At that point I'd lost around 70 pounds I think, so I felt like it was all going to work. At this point, I considered my surgery to be "public knowledge," and informed my friends that I felt that way so that they wouldn't wonder, or feel bad, about sharing the information.

I told everyone because I wanted to control the information. I know that people will gossip, I'd rather have them gossip about the truth than make **** up. I was going to be seeing a lot of my friends the following month at a convention and I didn't want to have to tell every single one of them, individually, about my weight loss - that would have taken so much emotional labor at an already laborious weekend event! My dad was also going through cancer treatments at the time and I didn't want anyone to think "wait, there's cancer stuff going on in her life - does SHE have cancer?!" And, let's be honest, I was SUPER excited about this news and SUPER happy with my surgery. I had no shame about it at all, only happiness that I was finally taking control of my health. Of COURSE I wanted to share this awesome great news with my friends!

And my friends are wonderful - everyone who has responded to me about this has responded more positively and supportively than I could ever imagine. It's rarely a topic of discussion except for people who eat with me or people who are considering it for themselves and have questions. That's cool.

Post-op (with people who aren't friends) I'm completely open about having had surgery when the topic of my weight loss comes up. It still does, occasionally, which is fine. I think it's interesting - some other people do too. I consider saying "diet and exercise" when people ask how I lost weight to be a lie. If I could have done it with diet and exercise, I would have. But I didn't. I needed surgery. I say, "diet, exercise, therapy, surgery, and a lot of hard work" when people ask. I don't want anyone else who is in the position I was to feel like a failure because they can't do it with just diet and exercise.

If I don't want to talk about the topic with people, I say something along the lines of, "I'd rather not talk about that, how about this ridiculous weather we're having?" Or some other subject change/redirection.

But those are my two available options - disclosure or changing the subject. I don't lie about it.

I've never had anyone tell me, to my face, that I'm cheating or taking the easy way out. Reactions have all been neutral or positive. And, seriously, if someone did tell me that I lost weight just because of the surgery? So what. That's their damage. It's not going to change anything in my life aside from giving me knowledge that the person is an idiot. Anyone who eats a meal with me or knows I run half marathons knows that I've done more than just have surgery. Most importantly, I KNOW that I've done more than just have surgery - but I also know that I needed surgery to get me where I am today. And, frankly, I'm okay with that.

I think the reaction that makes me sad is the people who hear the "surgery" word and then tune out anything else I have to say. You can see them just shut down. But, whatever. I also experience other obese people proceeding to tell me the reasons why they're not interested in surgery. Again, whatever. I don't try to talk anyone into it, I just try to lead a good life and provide a good example.

So that's what I've done/continue to do. Pre-op: select group of people only; Post-op: the world.