I Come From Alabama...
Hey, Johnnie, you got this, you really do. You've done amazingly well already looking after yourself giving up three, count 'em, three addictions. You are amazingly strong and you can do this. Yes, you'll mourn a little before surgery, but you won't after. You'll lose some weight the month before surgery and in the month after while healing, then you're on a roll and nothing will stop you!
font spend too much time beating yourself up for your weight gains. Put that energy into planning and imagining what you can do when you're 100, 125 ponds lighter than you are now. You might not remember being that light. Read as many posts as you like on these forums and see what people are doing now that they never dreamed they'd be able to do, things they say on the sidelines watching other people do.
Plan for that day because it really will happen for you and getting excited about it will propel you in the right direction.
as for your wife there's a couple things. First, if she's never had surgery, or maybe even if she has, she's afraid of losing you. Take her with you to all your appointment so she can ask questions too and put her mind at ease.
secondly, is she obese as well. If she is she might feel threatened by the thought of a thinner, fitter you. She might be afraid of losing you to another woman. Only you can reassure her on that point. Also make clear that you don't expect her to have surgery. That's up to her. Also there is a forum on this site for spouses of WLS folks.
I look forward to hearing more from you on the forums as you move through your journey.
pauline
Hey, Johnnie, you got this, you really do. You've done amazingly well already looking after yourself giving up three, count 'em, three addictions. You are amazingly strong and you can do this. Yes, you'll mourn a little before surgery, but you won't after. You'll lose some weight the month before surgery and in the month after while healing, then you're on a roll and nothing will stop you!
font spend too much time beating yourself up for your weight gains. Put that energy into planning and imagining what you can do when you're 100, 125 ponds lighter than you are now. You might not remember being that light. Read as many posts as you like on these forums and see what people are doing now that they never dreamed they'd be able to do, things they say on the sidelines watching other people do.
Plan for that day because it really will happen for you and getting excited about it will propel you in the right direction.
as for your wife there's a couple things. First, if she's never had surgery, or maybe even if she has, she's afraid of losing you. Take her with you to all your appointment so she can ask questions too and put her mind at ease.
secondly, is she obese as well. If she is she might feel threatened by the thought of a thinner, fitter you. She might be afraid of losing you to another woman. Only you can reassure her on that point. Also make clear that you don't expect her to have surgery. That's up to her. Also there is a forum on this site for spouses of WLS folks.
I look forward to hearing more from you on the forums as you move through your journey.
pauline
Thank you Pauline, truly loving the back support. One of the feelings I was fighting today was that of failure. Failure that I am having to resort to surgery. But as the day wore on, I eased up on myself. I have been searching and learning what I can. My wife is coming with me to the consult, as she is the designate support pal. She is not overweight, far from fit in fact. She has had a couple minor procedures done, and a gal bladder removal, so she is aware of the potential risks of any type of major procedure.
I have been home sick the last three days, and she works from home as a medical coder, so we have talked a lot. She tries to steer the conversation away from the surgery topic, and so far we have not argued. A couple weeks ago she told me that what ever I decide, she will support me 100%
"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster, and if you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Hello my friend. I completely get exactly where you are at right now. I along with most people on this site know exactly how you feel and the fear associated with such an in-natural surgery. My background is similar in that my Rheumatologist told me after 20 years of being my specialist that he has exhausted all treatment options for my ailment and that I need to lose the weight. He ordered me to consult a bariatric surgeon. Up until that point, I had been discerning for over 10 years whether I should have bariatric surgery. At the time that I reached out to the bariatric people, I weighed about 310 lbs. I went through an evaluation with a psychologist that revealed concerns about my survey results siting binge eating disorder. Pissed off, I stormed off (without letting them know of course) and set up the appointments with a nutritionist and a psychologist. It was one the best things that ever happened to me because I came to understand myself, my thought processes, and how I behaviorally respond during different situations; one being the influence that my wife had (and I stress HAD) over my choices without me even being aware. That is not to say that I blame her for what was happening to me. I take full ownership of my inability to govern myself and to allow myself to be manipulated. My point is that Bariatric procedures are completely different and much more safe than they were 8 or 10 years ago. I spent a year meeting with the psychologist and nutritionist and decided not to have the procedure. After I decided not to have the surgery I focused on losing weight through healthy eating and increasing my activity. 6 months later I found myself back at the bariatric appointments with the decision to have the surgery. To make a long story short, I was very scared about the in-natural surgery of having a large portion of my stomach removed, but have to say that moving forward with Surgery was the best decision I have ever made. I wasted way too much time worrying about the surgery, food, and how my life could change that I wish I would have embraced the surgery sooner. I had the sleeve surgery on November 29, 2017. At my top weight, I was 365 lbs. That was one year ago this past January. I weighed in this morning at 230 lbs. and my health is improving exponentially. I was all worried that I would not be able to eat foods that I liked. As time goes on, I have learned that I can eat anything, but I have had to discipline myself around the order that I eat foods and how much I eat. So in other words I am much more in tune with myself, my body, and my feelings of well-being. It is the best thing that I have ever done and I have zero regrets. I know this is long so I apologize for that, but know that life is too short to watch it go by from the sidelines while you feel like crap and are, unfortunately, judged unfairly by the public. Jump in and begin to live it. As I saw in a previous response to your post "You've got this!"
Hello my friend. I completely get exactly where you are at right now. I along with most people on this site know exactly how you feel and the fear associated with such an in-natural surgery. My background is similar in that my Rheumatologist told me after 20 years of being my specialist that he has exhausted all treatment options for my ailment and that I need to lose the weight. He ordered me to consult a bariatric surgeon. Up until that point, I had been discerning for over 10 years whether I should have bariatric surgery. At the time that I reached out to the bariatric people, I weighed about 310 lbs. I went through an evaluation with a psychologist that revealed concerns about my survey results siting binge eating disorder. Pissed off, I stormed off (without letting them know of course) and set up the appointments with a nutritionist and a psychologist. It was one the best things that ever happened to me because I came to understand myself, my thought processes, and how I behaviorally respond during different situations; one being the influence that my wife had (and I stress HAD) over my choices without me even being aware. That is not to say that I blame her for what was happening to me. I take full ownership of my inability to govern myself and to allow myself to be manipulated. My point is that Bariatric procedures are completely different and much more safe than they were 8 or 10 years ago. I spent a year meeting with the psychologist and nutritionist and decided not to have the procedure. After I decided not to have the surgery I focused on losing weight through healthy eating and increasing my activity. 6 months later I found myself back at the bariatric appointments with the decision to have the surgery. To make a long story short, I was very scared about the in-natural surgery of having a large portion of my stomach removed, but have to say that moving forward with Surgery was the best decision I have ever made. I wasted way too much time worrying about the surgery, food, and how my life could change that I wish I would have embraced the surgery sooner. I had the sleeve surgery on November 29, 2017. At my top weight, I was 365 lbs. That was one year ago this past January. I weighed in this morning at 230 lbs. and my health is improving exponentially. I was all worried that I would not be able to eat foods that I liked. As time goes on, I have learned that I can eat anything, but I have had to discipline myself around the order that I eat foods and how much I eat. So in other words I am much more in tune with myself, my body, and my feelings of well-being. It is the best thing that I have ever done and I have zero regrets. I know this is long so I apologize for that, but know that life is too short to watch it go by from the sidelines while you feel like crap and are, unfortunately, judged unfairly by the public. Jump in and begin to live it. As I saw in a previous response to your post "You've got this!"
paragraphs are your friend.
Hello my friend. I completely get exactly where you are at right now. I along with most people on this site know exactly how you feel and the fear associated with such an in-natural surgery. My background is similar in that my Rheumatologist told me after 20 years of being my specialist that he has exhausted all treatment options for my ailment and that I need to lose the weight. He ordered me to consult a bariatric surgeon. Up until that point, I had been discerning for over 10 years whether I should have bariatric surgery. At the time that I reached out to the bariatric people, I weighed about 310 lbs. I went through an evaluation with a psychologist that revealed concerns about my survey results siting binge eating disorder. Pissed off, I stormed off (without letting them know of course) and set up the appointments with a nutritionist and a psychologist. It was one the best things that ever happened to me because I came to understand myself, my thought processes, and how I behaviorally respond during different situations; one being the influence that my wife had (and I stress HAD) over my choices without me even being aware. That is not to say that I blame her for what was happening to me. I take full ownership of my inability to govern myself and to allow myself to be manipulated. My point is that Bariatric procedures are completely different and much more safe than they were 8 or 10 years ago. I spent a year meeting with the psychologist and nutritionist and decided not to have the procedure. After I decided not to have the surgery I focused on losing weight through healthy eating and increasing my activity. 6 months later I found myself back at the bariatric appointments with the decision to have the surgery. To make a long story short, I was very scared about the in-natural surgery of having a large portion of my stomach removed, but have to say that moving forward with Surgery was the best decision I have ever made. I wasted way too much time worrying about the surgery, food, and how my life could change that I wish I would have embraced the surgery sooner. I had the sleeve surgery on November 29, 2017. At my top weight, I was 365 lbs. That was one year ago this past January. I weighed in this morning at 230 lbs. and my health is improving exponentially. I was all worried that I would not be able to eat foods that I liked. As time goes on, I have learned that I can eat anything, but I have had to discipline myself around the order that I eat foods and how much I eat. So in other words I am much more in tune with myself, my body, and my feelings of well-being. It is the best thing that I have ever done and I have zero regrets. I know this is long so I apologize for that, but know that life is too short to watch it go by from the sidelines while you feel like crap and are, unfortunately, judged unfairly by the public. Jump in and begin to live it. As I saw in a previous response to your post "You've got this!"
mpattee, love the post, it really hits home. I have wrestled with the "Let's give it another go, this time things will be different" stance. Even today, I was thinking maybe this is the time that I can do this on my own. Maybe, and maybe not. One thing is for sure, I'm going to try, but I am also starting WLS process; in 6-months, something is going to get real...
For too long have I sat on the sidelines thinking that this was it... this is how I will finish life, overweight and early. Facing death this past July, and finding my health slowly spiraling out of control has thinking that this cannot be it, because I want control back!
Safe to say, the 23rd of Feb cannot get here fast enough! Thank you for your reply, it was very encouraging.
"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster, and if you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche
When I started this journey, my husband was much like your wife. He would tell me that I didn't need the surgery. Then when i started my weight loss journey, it didn't help that I lost a significant amount of weight before my surgery (25 before I started the program over 8 months and then another/30 in the pre-op program). I explained to him that the surgery is not a "fix it" it is a tool to help me not want to eat more, as your stomach can't hold more than about 1/2 cup of food.
My husband tried the approach of, "But you don't weigh 600 lbs, do you really NEED the surgery. Look you are losing weight without it." So, I told him that I wasn't doing it for him, I was doing this for ME and so that we could do things together that we used to do. We haven't taken a vacation in 9 years because my legs would no longer support me to walk for the day in a museum, or garden, or one of our other favorite spots.
I know about being scared about death. I made the doctors test me because my mother had a reaction to heparin and after surgery, her body made the hundreds of clots that killed her. I made them test me for that and several other things.
Can you eat favorite foods, yes, but in smaller quantities. I no longer kick myself when my husband hands me an oreo, because after 1, I no longer want them. (Well, I do, but they make me feel sick to my stomach, so I will avoid them.)
We will provide the support, if you want it that you aren't getting at home. But, at some point, your wife will see that you did need the surgery to give you the tool to help you lose the weight. Last evening, my husband, FOR THE FIRST TIME, told me that he was proud of my weight loss and that I looked younger and looked good! I cried! It's nice to have that support!
Natalie
2/2017: 340 VSG: 12/7/2017 - 272 1/29/18: 253
When I started this journey, my husband was much like your wife. He would tell me that I didn't need the surgery. Then when i started my weight loss journey, it didn't help that I lost a significant amount of weight before my surgery (25 before I started the program over 8 months and then another/30 in the pre-op program). I explained to him that the surgery is not a "fix it" it is a tool to help me not want to eat more, as your stomach can't hold more than about 1/2 cup of food.
My husband tried the approach of, "But you don't weigh 600 lbs, do you really NEED the surgery. Look you are losing weight without it." So, I told him that I wasn't doing it for him, I was doing this for ME and so that we could do things together that we used to do. We haven't taken a vacation in 9 years because my legs would no longer support me to walk for the day in a museum, or garden, or one of our other favorite spots.
I know about being scared about death. I made the doctors test me because my mother had a reaction to heparin and after surgery, her body made the hundreds of clots that killed her. I made them test me for that and several other things.
Can you eat favorite foods, yes, but in smaller quantities. I no longer kick myself when my husband hands me an oreo, because after 1, I no longer want them. (Well, I do, but they make me feel sick to my stomach, so I will avoid them.)
We will provide the support, if you want it that you aren't getting at home. But, at some point, your wife will see that you did need the surgery to give you the tool to help you lose the weight. Last evening, my husband, FOR THE FIRST TIME, told me that he was proud of my weight loss and that I looked younger and looked good! I cried! It's nice to have that support!
Holy cow! My wife and I have not been on a vacation since 2005. I could blame it on money, but really, there is just no place that holds me very comfortably, so I am generally the nay sayer when the subject is brought up.
I am glad that your husband gave his support, I truly believe that my wife will too! She has 6-months to get in line...
"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster, and if you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Ha, ha, ha...."get in line"???? It took my hubby about a year to decide that he wasn't totally against my weight loss. HOWEVER, there have been times when he is not happy about it. For example, we both LOVE the Sumo oranges that come in in late January. Well....every time I saw him with one, I wanted a section or two because I can't have the whole thing (THEY ARE HUGE!!). His comment was, "Well, I better get used to it!" To which my reply was, "You have ALWAYS eaten off MY plate, what is the difference?" He thought for a moment and didn't comment, but looked at me sideways and I could tell that he was thinking. The next time he brought one into the family room to eat, he automatically took 2 sections off of the orange and gave it to me.
Oh, about the vacation, I understand what you mean. Why go somewhere and be humiliated because you "don't fit". I still will not even try to sit in a booth as I am deathly afraid of not fitting. (I had an experience where a whole table of "young adults" shamed me and made fun of me one time and I don't want it to happen again.)
Natalie
2/2017: 340 VSG: 12/7/2017 - 272 1/29/18: 253
I too straddled the fence regarding surgery due to crippling fear. I'm a nurse, and well aware of the complications. I am usually exposed to negative outcomes, which can be a little anxiety provoking. However I eventually came to my senses realizing that a very small percentage have negative outcomes, and after much research decided to go for it. I have had no complications so far. I feel great! I feel like this is the best decision I could have made for myself. My mobility was deteriorating to the point that I was in severe pain all of the time. Now I walk my dog every night, I have endless stamina, and I feel better than I have in a long time. I say go for it!
With your history of pulmonary embolism they'll may place an IVC filter which would prevent blood clots going to the lungs, and you'll definitely be placed back on your anticoagulants. I would recommend the shot form of lovenox. Make sure to discuss your clot history with you surgeon so they can take all of the extra precautions. It will be vital that you are up and moving ASAP after surgery. This will be the best decision you could've made!! Wishing you the best!
I too straddled the fence regarding surgery due to crippling fear. I'm a nurse, and well aware of the complications. I am usually exposed to negative outcomes, which can be a little anxiety provoking. However I eventually came to my senses realizing that a very small percentage have negative outcomes, and after much research decided to go for it. I have had no complications so far. I feel great! I feel like this is the best decision I could have made for myself. My mobility was deteriorating to the point that I was in severe pain all of the time. Now I walk my dog every night, I have endless stamina, and I feel better than I have in a long time. I say go for it!
With your history of pulmonary embolism they'll may place an IVC filter which would prevent blood clots going to the lungs, and you'll definitely be placed back on your anticoagulants. I would recommend the shot form of lovenox. Make sure to discuss your clot history with you surgeon so they can take all of the extra precautions. It will be vital that you are up and moving ASAP after surgery. This will be the best decision you could've made!! Wishing you the best!
Thank you Shannon, I appreciate the support from a Nurse and a VSG survivor 
The top question on y list is the mortal survival rate, as compared to the number of surgeries. My mother, who has had gastric by-pass by this same doctor, has said that he has lost two patients; one by car accident while going home from surgery (she was not driving); and the other was a patient who consumed a ball of pizza dough (not sure at what stage of post-op), and dies as a result. So far, none have died as a direct result of surgery.
I'm getting a little analysis paralysis right now, but I cannot seem to get enough info... I will begin again tomorrow.
"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster, and if you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche
