Reaching onederland/End Goal

I'm just over 10 months post op, and this past Friday I finally reached what I thought would be my biggest milestone (outside of reaching goal) and weighed in at 198.6. I wasn't that excited about it. For a minute I was, and then it morphed into more of a I'm proud of myself move on moment.

Ten months ago, I would have killed for this moment, and now that I have, my lack of excitement surprises me. Maybe I'm in shock....lol

Everyone always seems so excited they reached the 100s. I haven't been under 200 since I was in grade 9 and that was a very long time ago.

I know its a great accomplishment, but anyone find entering onederland not as exciting as I?

I have been struggling with body dysmorphia, as I've lost almost 150lbs already from my highest weight. I will say I do see changes, but I don't think I see it as a whole if that makes sense. I know because the scale tells me, and the sizes of my clothes have gone down, but when I'm in front of a mirror for the most part or just a general feeling, I still feel like the big 348lbs girl I was. I'm not sure if this is contributing to my non chalant feeling of reaching this big goal, or ifs its just a matter of I've lost so much so far, that this all has been a great accomplishment so far, whatever the number says.

On another note, how did you decide you were done losing weight? Was it based on your own personal goal, a healthy BMI, or your body just wasn't having anymore of it, or you were just happy where you were?

Love to hear about that.

Initially I based mine on BMI/what I thought would be a good weight for me. 150 is near the high end of a healthy BMI, but my surgeon puts me at 160, and my center has me at bmi of 30 which is 194. Now I know what they say doesn't mean I have to abide by their goals or expectations, but I wonder if I'm being unrealistic in my initial goal. 150 puts me in a healthy bmi, and I know some do, but most of us don't lose 100 percent of our excess weight.

Be nice to hear from others about reaching your own goals, however they came to be.

I'm in the same boat. I have lost a lot but I want to lose more, and I have been waffling at the same weight,up a pound and then down a pound, for a month. I want to lose more but at 9months it seems really hard, and I don't know if my body will cooperate. I am good on the food side, other than last night I had a small piece of bread. I haven't had any bread at all for 10months, so I don't feel guilty. But overall, it's a mental battle to not get discouraged with the scale. At 147, I want to get to 130. Someone on the boards said it is doable if you decide to do it, so I am going to do it. At least that's the plan. Isn't it frustrating? It has to do with clothes too, as I don't want to invest a lot in pants in particular until things stabilize. So I appreciate your post.

Are you seeing a therapist to help with dysmorphia? I experienced it big time about 1-2 years post-op and it was overwhelming.

I have yet to decide that I'm done losing weight. So I'm plugging along. I used this calculator to get a rough idea for my ideal body weight. (There are multiple calculators on the page.) I may or may not get there. I'd love to get to 145 so I can stop getting the passive aggressive "you're fat" printouts at urgent care. :)

I do see a therapist, not specifically for dysmorphia, but perhaps I could talk to her more about it and see if she can help with that.

Do you struggle with it now or have you worked that out? Was it just talking it out or what kind of things do you think helped you get over it?

I talked with my therapist about it, and it was good to have her to talk with.

I still have some flare ups? But nothing like it was when it was the worst. (And, for disclosure, someone very dear to me committed suicide due to BDD, so I was very... concerned when I started feeling like I was on the brink of BDD myself. I knew that it was a serious issue and that it could develop into something very frightening if I didn't get a handle on things.) When it was the worst for me, I felt a very strong sense of disconnection and that was scary.

I've had flare ups after all of my reconstructive surgeries. At least the weight lose was gradual by comparison, whereas reconstructive surgery is BAM, all at once. And then you look like Frankenstein for a while when healing!

The things that helped me, in no specific order:
1: talking, talking, talking (primarily with my therapist)

2: I tried dance movement therapy (DMT) and I think that would have helped a lot, but then my dad's health took a nosedive and I no longer had any time. By the time I would have had time to continue, my dysmorphia had mostly resolved. I think it's a good resource if you've got access to a DMT. (Don't let the "dance" in the name scare you, it's really about movement and connecting with your body.)

3: Staring at myself in the mirrors during fitness classes. (Yeah, I'm sure everyone thinks I'm super vain, but it helps. Moving and then seeing my body move helps to reinforce the connection of "this is my body.")

4: Some people say that looking at pictures helps them, or pictures with their head cropped out so they can just see their body. For me, pictures of myself with other people were the biggest help. Since I knew what other people looked like (friends, family), seeing pictures of myself WITH them helped me to have a better image of my own body - if that makes sense.

5: Lots and lots of time, stressing about other stuff. I can see, from my calendar, that I met with the DMT about a year post-op. About a year after that, [life happened] and I hadn't had much time to think about myself in the intervening year. I hadn't had much time to pay attention to my dysmorphic feelings and I guess it sort of subsided during that time.

And that's basically what I did and what I still do! I also find that wearing clothes that fit my new body well helps me. I guess because it makes me more aware of where my body is because of the sense of touch.

I hope this is helpful. It's a craptastic way to feel.

I'm sorry to hear about someone close to you committing suicide. That's terrible.

I very much appreciate your honesty, and very thoughtful reply with great advice.

Thank you!

You're welcome! I wish you all the best with this.

I didn't have intermediate goals. To me, they were just numbers on a spectrum. I was happy when I passed my surgeon's goal, which I thought was too high.

I aimed for the middle of the normal BMI range. The likelihood of gaining weight in the second year and beyond is not a certainty, but it is nearly universal. I wanted some wiggle room when that happened.

I was never going to be satisfied with goals of 60 or 70 percent excess weight lost. I wanted it all gone.

Congrats!

I was excited about onderland. Hadn't been there in several decades.

I set my goal based on the last time (as an adult) I remember really liking the way I looked and felt. That goal (175-185# at 5' 9") will never get me into a "normal" BMI but I and my medical team are very happy with having me in the "overweight" BMI and out of the Class III Obesity category I started in. No one on my medical team puts much store in the BMI categories, as they were designed more for population research needs than for individual classifications.

The last time I had a "normal" BMI, I was 19 and had to run 2 miles a day and watch every single bite I took and never allowing any food that wasn't on plan. A few years later, I had gained quite a bit but lost down to the 175-185# range, and was able to maintain that for a couple of years without much difficulty - exercising for an hour 3x/week and eating clean most days with no real restrictions on the weekends. I don't ever want to live with the obsessive stuff I had to in order to maintain 160# like I did when I was 19 (and my metabolism is no longer that of a 19 year old), especially if it's only 15-20# difference between obsessing and having a good life.

As it stands, I've made it to a 190-195# range and then had a rash of health issues this fall/winter. I haven't had the energy or drive to keep my diet restricted enough to make my goal, yet. My body seems to like this range, and I've been able to maintain so far with not much difficulty.

I am going to make a push for goal in the Spring when most of my migraine/allergies/respiratory issues tend to clear up. I may or may not make the 175# but I want to get as close as I can. I'm fairly certain I can make it below 185#.

I think each person has to figure out where they're happy and feel their best. Goals from the surgeon tend to be fairly pessimistic, since they're based on the average of all outcomes including people *****fuse to change their eating and end up only losing 10-20#.

Manda, that is WONDERFUL!! I, too, started at 340 and can't wait to hit the 100's! I haven't been that thin since about the age of 21, and look forward to it.

Why the nonchalance? You have hit a wonderful goal, even if it isn't your "lowest weight goal"? They tell me that i will hit 130 lbs, but I don't know about that one! I haven't weighed 130 since junior high! They need to seriously, seriously rethink that goal.

I am only 6 weeks from my surgery and I have lost a little more than 80 lbs total, since about this time last year when I decided I needed to start losing weight.

By the way..I keep telling myself that when I hit that 100's mark, I'm going to buy myself a new outfit!