Please keep me in your prayers.....

On Friday, my mom went in to cardiac arrest during dialysis. My world has been turned upside down ever since, she has been taken off of the medicines that were keeping her sleep and she is not waking up. The doctors know that there has been brain damage but are not sure to what extent. I feel so empty and lost, and am trying hard not to turn to food for comfort but is is so hard not to.

She has always been there for me no matter what, even while I was trying to find the right therapist and psych doctors. I was so frustrated with the process, but she would not let me give up. She said keep on trying, someone will listen you and she was right. I have been working so hard to stay on track but it is getting harder by the day. Everyone keeps telling me to be strong, but this time I don't want to. I have always had to be the strong one because I am the oldest child. I am choosing to feel for the time because always having to be the strong one and not being able to say how I feel caused me to turn to food at an early age for an outlet of my feelings. I want to work as hard as I can to break that cycle.

My sister and I have to meet with the doctors today to get there final findings as to what happened and where we go from here. I don't want to lose her, but if she doesn't wake up, some life changing decisions will soon have to be made.

Sorry for the long post

I am so very sorry for your family; it's devastating. Please know I will be praying for your mom, and for you and all your family.

You don't have to be strong; just take a deep breath (often). Go slowly.. Your grief deserves to be honored. That said, please let me know if there is any help you need. I'm older (65) and have sadly had to take care of end of life with my parents and all my sisters.

Praying for peace, healing, and comfort for you all.

Annie

Thank you for your kind words

I am very sorry to hear that. I work in Dialysis I know the struggle they have each and everyday. Always remember what your mom said... KEEP ON TRYING, DON'T GIVE UP. I know its easier said than done but hang in there, keep your faith. Possibly journal your feeling and try to substitute food choices for now instead of a slice of cake eat a low fat muffin etc. Just take it day by day. SENDING PRAYERS

Thank you for your kind words and your advice on the food choices

I am so sorry. I will keep you, your mom and your family in my thoughts and prayers. My mom is 73 and she is my biggest supporter (even more so than my husband) and she is my best friend. I am so lucky in that regard. She lives with us and I know that the day will come in the near future when I will be in your shoes. I know how just thinking about it makes me feel, so I sympathize.

Take each moment as it comes. When I am alone and tempted, I think about my husband and/or my mom sitting next to me. It gives me the strength to pass on that not-so-good choice.

Breathe and we are here for you. Give yourself the permission to cry/scream or whatever will let those feelings out. A tennis racket on the couch is a great reliever followed by a really good cry. Another good choice is a gallon milk jug filled with water hanging from a tree and a heavy Louisville slugger. It's ok to be mad/sad.

Don't forget to take care of you as you take care of others.

Diane

Thank you so much for your kind words

I can relate to where you are in life! My mother woke up one day with a large pulmonary embolism, we took her to the hospital and I, her caregiver, was left out of the loop. Neither my mother, nor I, realized that they couldn't do anything and that she was dying until the day before it happened!

I was devastated! My mother was my best friend. We lived together as best friends from the time I was 28 until she passed away when i was 46! I also am the oldest and felt the need to be "strong". However, my mother's death tore the family apart! (At this point, I have to say that both my husband and brother thought I was going to end up suiciding after my mother's death. However, I persisted and kept going..)

There is NO NEED to be the strong one! You will need to handle the grief of both her illness and if she passes in the best way you can, other than food! We will be here for you and I'm sure if you call your therapist, they will also be there for you.

Thank you for your kind words

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I'm holding you in the light and hoping that she's getting good palliative care.

When my dad was in hospice, my therapist told me something that was really important for me to hear. She told me, "And, any way you handle your grief, now and later, will be the right way for you, and for the people you love as well." Keep this in mind that how you handle this will be the right way for you.

And, as someone who did fall back into bad habits.. you will be able to pick yourself back up later. Don't find one more thing to beat yourself up about now.

Hugs to you and yours.