Wait, can that be right? Did I really just . . . Need your opinions male & female

Woooo hoooo! Today is the day I hit goal. It all feels like a dream, a very, very good one. Since my surgery on February 15, I have lost 77 lbs. Since the beginning of my weight loss journey beginning on 1/1/2016, I have lost a total of 125 lbs! Woah, that is insane. I have gone from a size 24 to 6/8. Has it totally changed my life? No. Has it changed it for the better? Absolutely. I could list a hundred things, but I won't. A few: I don't dread getting dressed, I can keep up with others at the gym, I love being able to eat a small amount and be totally satisfied (never thought I would ever say that). Everything good far outweighs the bad. The only bad thing is the damage it has done to my skin. Which puts me in a dilemma. I have started dating again and frankly don't see the necessity of telling anyone at this point that I have had surgery. If I find someone that I am serious about, we can have that discussion.

Dilemma - I have a 5th date with a great guy. He has no idea the condition of my body because I've always worn jeans and a shirt to cover my arms. Well, we are getting a little further into it and of course I am getting a little worried about his reaction when we become intimate and it will definitely happen sooner rather than later because we have a very strong chemistry, in we cannot keep our hands off each other. I tried to mentally put myself in his place and am not sure what my reaction would be to. To me the lose skin is hard to look at but considering I have lost 125 lbs it could be a lot worse. I'm super self-conscious about my arms, the breasts have gone from a DD to a hanging B, the stomach is wrinkly, but does not have a huge hang, my legs are pretty droopy and the butt is 75% gone, not pretty. So, here is the dilemma - do you start off with a warning or just let things roll? I love talking to my adult daughter about it - she says, mom you are gorgeous and he has told you the same thing - wear the cute sleeveless dress, and rock what you wear. The skin is what it is, it's not going anywhere.

I would love to get other's opinions, especially the guys.

Eeek - this all is crazy

Honestly? I would send him an email/text, whatever you use to communicate asynchronously, and tell him this. "I know we're getting closer and I feel great chemistry with you, but I'm starting to get a bit worried because [excess skin due to weight loss] and it's making me feel nervous because I'm a bit self conscious about how I look."

I'd do this because I'd rather give the person a heads up so if they were going to have any weird reaction they'd have it in a way that I wouldn't have to witness. Sort of like sending my mom pictures of my incision lines via email so if she grimaced when she saw them the first time I wouldn't be upset :P

He sounds like a great guy and it seems like your relationship will TOTALLY survive this and that you really don't have anything to worry about, but I know that sharing my fear via a text medium would make me feel better about the whole situation and let me relax instead of being a ball of anxiety during a situation I'd rather be enjoying!

Part of me wants to add "and if you can't talk about this with him, you shouldn't be having sex anyway," but, seriously, you can have sex with whomever you want assuming enthusiastic consent is involved!

Hahaha - you are totally free to add whatever you want! And, you are correct. It's just the insecurities we take with us now that will just have to heal. It's just a hard conversation - one I'd like to run away from - but know that's not possible. Thanks for the input.

I totally get you. Even being with the same partners since pre-WLS, I can still feel all weird about my body with them. Sigh.

I'm feeling really old and prudish right now for what I am about to say. You say you have great chemistry, but are you in love? Is he in love? For me, that's the difference. Intimacy is at such a higher level when those emotions are in sync, and when that occurs, the physical is secondary to everything else.

My old-fashioned self would wait, but what do I know? I'm still married to my HS sweetheart for 27 years, and I did do exactly what I recommend today. He loves me fat, thin and everything in between, and I attribute that to the emotional connection that came way before the physical.

You aren't old or prudi****otally respect your response. In love, no, but really do like him. You are fortunate to have found your true and lasting love. He's not pushing me to do anything, but darn, the pump has been primed.

In the younger days of dating, my friends would always say - I'm not shaving and wearing ugly panties to make sure I behave!

I can totally see where you are coming from! Being on the younger side of this weight loss journey and in the dating world I can feel your pain! Although, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and we have known each other since 6th grade. He loved me fat, and he loves me in every state that my body is in post op.

I know at first after surgery I did not want to undress in front of him or shower with him like we used to. I was self conscious of my incisions and I felt that they were awful looking and made me look awful. But he reassured me that it didn't matter to him, in fact he loves looking at them and seeing them change and heal over time.

As far as the skin issue, I am noticing I am getting lose skin now in my arms and thighs especially. That was something I addressed him with like ASAP because I wanted him to know that this surgery could possibly mean loose saggy skin (& me losing any amount of boobs that I had). He said he could care less. Our intimate life is the exact same as it was pre op, maybe even better!

Just be open with him, address your concerns! You may even get a sense of relief when you realize that for him its more than physical attraction!

I would bring it up gently and gradually. It's difficult to provide advice without knowing what type of personality he has, or what his values are.

Is he into looks? Has he dated much? Has he dated women your age?

I think it's better to be upfront now. If you have great chemistry, I doubt it will be a huge deal for him but if it is, it would certainly be easier to face it now than it would ge after sleeping with him.

Go get 'em Tiger! :)

He's a really nice guy and one of his draws to me is my honesty and "beauty". He has been divorced for seven years and I know has dated some. I did my normal fact checking when I met him as I do research for a living. I came upon his ex-wife's picture and she is one of the prettiest people I have ever seen. Hence, the sudden insecurity. He's only a year younger than I am and takes his health seriously, especially since he is an oncologist.

You are right, it would be better to face it before, rather than after.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Grrrrrr