Two years post-op today!

Dear fellow VSG'ers,

It's been a long while since my last post. This last year has brought significant changes--both blessings and challenges--into my life. My husband and I sold our home and moved out-of-state; we brought my mother, who has moderate stage Alzheimer's, to live with us. We also added a new rescue dog with some behavioral issues to the family. Two weeks ago, I learned I need shoulder surgery due to two rotator cuff tears, and I am dreading the long recovery time involved.

I remain enormously grateful to have had my VSG. At almost 5'5, my initial goal weight was 140. When I dropped below that, I decided that losing more would be an advantage because of the expected gain back I read about once you are few years post surgery. Currently, my ideal weight range is between 125-130. I have gone up as high as 138, and while most of my clothes still fit, I just didn't feel comfortable. Prior to surgery, I was so disconnected from my physical self that I could never imagine being comfortable in my body. I know this comfort level may change over time and isn't really about a certain number on the scale. However, it is easiest for me to quantify with a particular weight or size.

Prior to surgery and during the losing weight stages, I found the posts of folks who were a few years out so helpful. I wanted all the insight I could find on tips to keeping off the weight, advice on how to handle certain challenges and warnings about what not to do during the maintenance phase. I knew that I would lose the weight with surgery, but I was and still remain concerned about putting it back on.

I remained fairly rigid during the weight loss stage. I stopped drinking caffeine and alcohol for well over a year. I closely followed the liquid and pureed stages post-op. For those that read or recall earlier posts, I had some hormonal difficulties that made things a little difficult. Happy to say I am well past that now, and I love menopause!

There are so many positives to not carrying around all the extra weight. I move through the world easily now (well, except for my shoulder!). I don't have to fear a staircase or walking up a hill. I can shower or bathe with ease. I fit easily into plane seats. I can reliably order clothes in a size 4 to 6, or small online and know they will fit. Everything in my closet fits me! This is such a big thing, because for as long as I can recall, only a small portion of the clothes I used to have in my closets or drawers would fit me. It still throws me off and secretly thrills me to be referred to as small or tiny. The feminist within me rebels at delighting in these terms, but having been the big girl for most of my adult life, I am enjoying it. Being in my 50's, my main goal with this surgery was to become healthy, and I am. I no longer take antidepressants or cholesterol medication. I have also been able to lower the dosage on my thyroid medication, which is the only pill I currently take aside from vitamins.

There are also the negatives associated with such a large weight loss. Prior to my surgery, one of the features I liked about myself most was my long hair. When the inevitable hair loss started, I cut it shorter and shorter until I ended up with a cute pixie cut. When the regrowth came, I decided to try growing it out again, but couldn't stand the process. I eventually went back to the pixie because it's so dang easy to care for and even if it ages me, I've grown to like it. Speaking of aging, I definitely look older than I used to. During the required pre-surgical psych evaluation, the psychologist told me that while I currently looked young for my age, that surgery would reverse that trend. He was right. I've had folks (mostly younger people) assume I'm older than I am and even tell me my mom looks more like my sister! What!? While it?s a complement to her, I certainly don't find it amusing. The extra skin I carry doesn't look great, but could be worse. I don?t care much about the extra on my stomach and butt, but the flappy underarms and breasts bother me. I live in a warm, tropical place now, so feeling comfortable going sleeveless would be nice. I have contemplated the available surgeries, but I don't feel like I can justify the cost at this point. Obviously, the positives FAR outweigh the negatives for me.

Through this board, I knew going in that the VSG was going to be a tool and not a cure-all for losing and maintaining my weight loss. Ongoing vigilance is required to keep the weight off. The urge to use food as a coping mechanism doesn't disappear with surgery. I have days, often days in a row, where I consume too many carbs and eat things that aren?t healthy for me. I don't carefully track my food like many successful VSG'ers, but I do keep an ongoing calorie count in my head for the day. I realize this is an imperfect method that is highly prone to error, but there it is.

Next to the sleeve, the most important tool in my box is my scale. I weigh everyday, no exception (unless we go away for a few days and there isn?t one available). The scale keeps me accountable. In my past dieting days, I had a love-hate relationship with my scale, and found that I stopped weighing when I was in regain mode because I knew the news would be bad and I didn't want to face the shame and discouragement in seeing the numbers rise. That is no longer the case. Currently, my body seems to both gain and lose quickly depending on what I eat. When it reaches the 130 or beyond mark, I revert back to a more rigid way of eating, which for me means around 700-800 calories, high protein every meal, no useless carbs. I relax a little more in the low or middle range. It's not a perfect system, but it works for me right now. I am most successful when I think ahead about what I am going to eat and make sure I have these items stocked in my fridge/pantry. When I go out to eat, I am usually good about ordering high protein/low carb options, but I will occasionally have a drink or dessert too.

I don't eat or drink what I don't truly enjoy! That sounds simple, but it was actually a bit of a revelation for me. Prior to surgery, I would stuff myself with food. Even when I found the food only mediocre, I would eat it. Even when after eating half of something, and no longer being hungry or really tasting it, I would persist. Now, if I don't enjoy what I'm eating or drinking, I don?t bother. I still occasionally eat more of something I enjoy than I should, but I've only RARELY found myself engaging in the mindless eating that was once my norm. My surgeon recommended I stop drinking calories post weight loss (i.e protein shakes), and get these calories through food. However, I have found that protein powders are still enormously helpful in meeting my protein and calorie goals. I have one mixed with my coffee every morning and occasionally an afternoon shake when I'm hungry or craving something sweet. There are some tasty ones out there, and I actually do enjoy the powder and protein bars.

I have maintained my weight loss for over a year (16 months), but I recognize my relationship with food will always be complicated. I don't anticipate this maintenance process will ever be easy or automatic; indeed, as time passes, it may become more difficult. I remind myself daily about the extreme step I took to lose this weight, and the commitment I have made to not regain this weight,--and more days than not, I listen.

This board is a wealth of information and support. Thank you to all who contribute. You helped me immensely both pre and post-surgery. Wishing you all good health, happiness, and success in your endeavors.

Great job maintaining!

Thank you. Congratulations on your success too!

Your face and body will fill out again by the end of another year and you will look much younger. Everyone looks older during the second year but it does not last.

Wow, that's nice to hear. I will look be looking forward to that. Thanks!

What a great post, thanks for sharing your journey so far, Congratulations! Is great that your still watch what you are doing and keep vigilant.

Thank you for your beautifully written words...they are inspiring

I just had Rotator cuff surgery with bicep repair... Just came out of my brace 3 days ago... I need my second shoulder done as well... from a car accident. I am not going to pretend it is a picnic...but I did think about how much harder it would have been if I was still morbidly obese..... Good Luck

Yikes! I'm sorry you will be faced with a second surgery

I am starting to have problems with the other one as well...likely from overuse. My shoulder is currently "frozen" and I was put on steroids for a month to help reduce inflammation and increase range of motion before they will consider operating. The surgery likely won't happen until October, as I need some time to schedule the recovery period. I'd be grateful for any tips or successful strategies you would like to share. I don't know anyone else who has had this done.

Your post is a good reminder for me to look at the bright side, because your right, this injury, surgery and eventual recovery would be significantly more difficult if I were still carrying the extra weight.

Wishing you speedy healing!

Thanks for posting. So much sounded familiar that I feel like I could be writing this in 8 months at my 2 year surgiversary.