I don't want to use the world jealousy but ...
I made the choice not to share my WLS with anyone except my husband. About a month post-surgery I told my adult daughters, but only because they were starting to worry about how little I ate and my rapid weight loss. I think they thought I had a serious illness. I know that there are people in my life who will say things that upset me. I also know that, while I am pretty sure I can identify some of them, some will surprise me. This is not the easy way, but you will never convince someone who hasn't been through it that it's harder than traditional diets in many ways. I don't think you should try. I agree that you should stop talking to her about it as she is unlikely to change her feelings. Just don't let her make you feel bad about your choices when you start losing. Anyone who cannot rejoice in your changes has no place in your life.
Anonymous Girl,
This is just the start of your "friends" dropping by the side of the road.
For me, didn't matter their size--thin, average or obese--these acquaintances stop befriending me.
One "friend" told me that since I was now "skinny" she was no longer my friend and would not call me anymore. She has not--that was a couple of years ago. I respect the fact that she told me to my face and not via a third person.
Others have made snide remarks--I have upset the balance in their universe--I am now their competitors. I was pretty as long as I was fat but not a threat! Ha! I compete with no one but myself.
My advice, stop asking your friend what the problem is...she is not your friend. Yes, it hurts. Go ahead and cry and get it out of your system. Surround yourself with people who care about you.
You must stay the course and keep your eye on the prize--better health!
So, I'm 22 years old and I weigh 226 pounds (it fluctuates) . I'm in the process of getting vertical sleeve ( might have it done by September) and I'm happy and I do feel this surgery is right for me . My boyfriend is the first person I told about this and he's 100% supportive and has come to support groups with me and he is ready to change his eating habits with me . Then I told my mom and she's very supportive and excited for me and since she's had it done, she knows exactly what to cook and how to care for me (: .. Then, I told my best fiend . And her response was .. " I don't agree with it and surgery is dangerous and I think you should just do it the old fashion way but ... if you want it . It's your body. I'll support you but, I just don't agree with it " . And I was kind of upset but , whatever . But, everyone I mention it , she changes the topic or she gets very annoyed with me . I HATE to jump to conclusions and say she's jealous .. I wouldn't understand why because she's like 5"0 90 pounds and she's gorgeous . Everyone knows her as the pretty friend . There are times where I'll be talking about it and she'll sound completely okay. Then, other times she's very snappy and rude . Just the other day I was telling her my surgery date is coming up and she said " well you're the one who chose to do this " . And another time she was jokingly saying "I'll be the one struggling to not gain weight and you'll have it easy" . And NOW she starts talking about how it's hard for her to maintain and she has to work hard and she's always trying to work out and saying she's putting in work.. when she never use to talk about it before . I told her it's NOT the easy way out and her response is " well you're losing weight by eating smaller portions and you're pretty much forced to eat smaller portions anyway" .. lately she's been really snappy with me and I confronted her about it and she said "well I'm sorry I can't see things your way" . CAN SOMEBODY please give me advice .. or let me know your opinion? I hate to use the word jealous and I can't ever imagine her being a jealous person.
every thin georgeous girl has a fat friend. The fat friend makes the thin one look great all the time,even when they might not look so great.
The fat friend is always fatter and makes the thin one look even thinner. Most thin girls I knew,had a fat friend and I was the fat friend most of the time. Many thin girls I see walking around every day,even now,have the token fat friend trailing along.
things have changes because she is scared you will get to be better looking and thinner than she is. She is losing her fat friend and will have to find another one. Don't be surprised if as you began to lose weight,she will have less and less to do with you.
sorry to have to be blunt,but we have seen this over and over on this site.
Some "friends" just aren't in it for the long haul. I think we've all had an experience where we've lost someone we considered a close friend and in retrospect we realize they actually weren't a good friend at all. I know it's hard to lose someone you consider a friend but I would start distancing myself from this girl if I were you. If you really feel like she's that important to you then maybe try what some of the others have suggested and stop talking to her about your surgery and see if it helps. If she's snapping at you about every little thing like it sounds I doubt that will help. You shouldn't have to sensor your life just to keep her as a friend. You will make many more friends through this journey and I wouldn't lose sleep over losing her friendship if she's not willing to support you during one of the most important times in your life. You should concentrate on yourself right now and keep yourself surrounded by the people who are supportive. Good luck!
Maybe she has an eating disorder that she's struggling with ... and she wants the surgery for herself even though she doesn't need it. Maybe she doesn't like the idea that you ill be getting allot more attention. No matter how I try to look at it ... her reasons are very selfish and it seems she is only concerned about how your surgery will affect her. How you react to this person ... well that's entirely up to you. You have to figure out if you want her in your life and if you do how much and when.
If you fall down you just have to get back up.
on 7/21/17 8:24 pm
I think fear with some people come into play. They are more afraid of what might happen when you lose the weight.
Fear brings anger. I would not talk about this with her. You are only going to get upset. I have topics I don't discuss with my friends. I know they love me. But they have different views that I have.
I'm sorry, but from everything I've read so far, she does not seem like a very good friend. I have been in friendships before where I learned that I care a lot more about them than they do me. It hurts, a lot. I understand the comments about boundaries, and maybe she is very, very self-conscious about her weight despite her small size. However, based on other things she sounds a little selfish. I am only a stranger on the internet, so take anything I say with a grain of salt (that's the saying, right?). Maybe it's time to start distancing yourself if having a real sit down talk with her doesn't work. Any friend who has no interest in your emotions about something, is not actually a friend.
