Talking about weight

I have a strange question and I feel like you all will be able to help me work through it.

I've always disliked when my weight loss becomes a topic of conversation, but I'm finding that it is making me even more uncomfortable recently. (I don't bring the topic up and work to change the subject when it does come up.) One of the things that makes me very uncomfortable about it is that, in any group of friends I'm with, there are always a few obese people. So I feel like it's rude for someone to go on and on about my weight loss in front of someone who could/should stand to lose weight. However... I don't remember if I ever felt this way myself, when I was obese, and other people would talk about weight loss around me.

I'm wondering - did you feel crappy when people talked about weight loss around you when you were obese?

I don't want my friends, who happen to be obese, to want to stop spending time with me because the topic of weight keeps coming up. Even though I'm not the one who brings it up. ARGH.

And on a side note, I have had a few people ask me how I've lost weight because they want to lose weight too. I've learned that people really don't want to hear the answer - they just want some magic answer. They're not interested in doing anything as drastic as what I have done. :|

I don't like my weight loss being a topic of conversation... except with my very closest friends.

I also hate it when somebody mentions my weight loss in front of a certain co-worker who had VSG about 4 years ago. She has gained back a lot of weight. I often wonder if it makes her feel bad, and I never mention anything food or weight loss related in front of her. She walked in on me talking about my 9 month surgiversary yesterday with my best work friend and it made me feel bad. But when I think back on it, when the roles were reversed, she never hesitated to brag and talk about it in front of me when she knew I was struggling with my own regain at the time. So I don't know. Did I feel bad at that time? Sure. But not because of her. I was constantly in my own head with lots of negative scolding directed at myself.

"she never hesitated to brag and talk about it in front of me when she knew I was struggling with my own regain at the time"

Ugh. That's exactly the sort of person I try hard not to be. :/ I'm sorry that you had to experience that!

It's ok. She is much younger and I think it was the first time she had ever lost weight. I, on the other hand, have had numerous significant weight loss events. But I try to be mindful of other's feelings too.

I, like you, work hard to change the subject when my weight loss comes up in conversation in a group setting, which interestingly is often at a restaurant. I will say 'thank you" if complimented and maybe acknowledge that it's still work every day but then try to steer things in a different direction. Plus, I'm still uncomfortable with everyone looking at me all at once which happens during those conversations. A throwback to trying to blend into the wallpaper.

My 2 closest female friends are overweight and so unless they ask me a direct question about my journey I don't bring it up. I'm more open in 1 on 1 situations. When I was obese and the topic of someone else's weight loss came up it made me feel terrible. Honestly, I hated it because it forced me into self-reflection and my dieting failures and did not allow me to be happy for the other person's accomplishments. I spent a lot of time examining my nails or searching from lip balm in my purse while the conversation happened.

I think the behavior of the newly skinny person will dictate how the obese friends react. If you become like a reformed smoker and start pontificating about all the good stuff you now eat, how you workout for hours every day, and how bad this or that is or start giving people stats on what they're eating, yah, they'll avoid you like the plague. If you can be with them and not make a big deal about what you're eating/not eating or what they're consuming, they will remain comfortable with you. Or acknowledge that there are still days when you want to eat 3 pcs of cheesecake, it helps them to relate to you. And, yes, most people don't want the truth - just the magic answer.

And, I loathed when one of my 'skinny' friends lamented about their struggles to lose weight or that they've gained 5 lbs, or that they just hated how they looked in their bathing suit, jeans, etc. Did not invoke feelings of support or compassion. I was like, "really, you skinny b*tch? You are upset that you cannot fit into your size 10 jeans?" and you're saying it in front of me who barely got into my size 24's and wasn't even going to go out today? Puh-leeze.

That's how I remember things. I try to deflect discussion on my weight loss, and, don't make a big deal about how little I can eat or how big a portion is because I know in a previous life I'd eat the whole thing and have dessert. Did that help? Good question!

I'm definitely hopeful that this is the case with my friends - that if I'm that annoying "I've lost weight look at me and hear my wisdom" person, it will be problematic. But if I avoid that, it'll be okay.

This was super helpful and I really appreciate it. It's weird that I've completely forgotten how these things made me feel when I was obese. This is either an indication that I'm really forgetful or that it sucked and I've suppressed those memories :P

Very well said, I can totally relate to this!

Specifically, I'm uncomfortable when folks bring it up around my co-workers. I don't feel like it's work talk. I also have many colleagues who have had VSG and I don't think any of them have kept their weight off (which also terrifies me). I hate when people potentially make them feel bad.

Ugh. That would make me feel bad too.

Do you remember how you felt when people talked about losing weight around you before you had started?

I do wish as a society we could focus on weight a LOT less. When I was obese it did make me very uncomfortable to talk about weight in any way. My response now when people bring up weight is basically just to say " I prefer not to talk about weight"