Had surgery 3 weeks ago. Disapointed beyond words.

My story is long, frustrating and boring. I'll sum it up in as few words as possible.

Male, 41, overweight almost my entire adult life. Depression doesn't help.

at 35 I got my life more together, and went and got WLS. I was told that the absolute way to go for me, was the lapband! It was going to work. Everyone I talked to said it was a miracle. I got the surgery, immediately after I felt nothing. No reduction in appetite, no restriction. "That's funny" says the surgeon, "no matter, we'll just tighten it". Repeat that again and again. Until finally it's so tight that yes, I do feel sick. Each and every bite I eat that isn't mashed potatos makes me sick. Then I lose my insurance and can't see him anymore. So for almost 5 years, I just deal with it. Eventually I give up and just start eating the terrible soft foods that won't make me sick.

5 years later, my teeth are a mess from throwing up, and while I haven't gained any weight, I haven't lost any, and my actual health is worse. I no longer eat too much good food, but just enough ****ty food instead.

I meet a friend who has had VSG. She tells me how wonderful it is, how it changed her life. She starts to encourage me to get it. She tells me how many people have failed with the Lapband. She tells me that after her surgery she basically had to make herself eat, because she'd lost the desire.

So I move to another city, get another insurance company that covers WLS. And I go see the surgeon. She tells me that yes, she takes out Lapbands all the time now, they don't work. So I agree to move forward. My sisters get VSG, both of them report the same thing. No desire to eat, both are thinner than they were in HS...Mom gets it, same thing. Despite the shame and upset of failing, I finally start to think that this time it might be different. So I move forward, diet, learning, etc.

3 weeks ago I had the surgery. I woke up hungry. I knew right away that it hadn't worked. It got worse, by day 4 after, I knew that it hadn't worked at all. My cravings haven't changed a bit. I'm still depriving myself, still feeling hungry all the time, exactly like I did before the surgery.

Today I went and saw the surgeon and nutritionist again after 3 weeks. They said (now) "yeah, lots of men have that happen. It's too bad you spoke to women, and not men, lots of men don't feel that reduction in appetite, and they recover right away." They basically said "Don't give up" but didn't give any good reasons why.

So here I am. Poorer, and having spent all my sick time and vacation...and for nothing. I'm every bit as hungry as I was before. When I eat...I get full, but it lasts about 15 minutes, then I'm hungry again.

I'm back on a regular diet (just chew well) they said. After 3 weeks I've lost 8 lbs. My surgeon today said "I want to see you again in 2 months. Just so you aren't upset, don't expect to lose any more than 8 more lbs between now and then."...16 lbs in 3 months? And to expect a slowdown after that? That's not what ANYONE told me would happen.

So. I feel like after all this, I'm back at square one. All this work done, and nothing gained. I keep getting advice and reassurances, but they are all the same ones I got the first time around, and they didn't help then. In a way, I feel like I've already failed again. The shame and embarrassment of having everyone know I failed the first time...and now again? I feel despondent, like just giving up.

To be honest, I'm not sure why I wrote this, other than my friend who had the surgery and is a regular here asked me to. I feel like the odds that after all this time, someone has something new for me..are low. Am I wrong? Is there some strategy or clue I'm missing? Do I just have to magically find whatever it is I've been missing all these years?

Thanks.

It sounds like you need take care of the mental issues first.

I've thought about this a lot since I first read it. I don't have any magical words.

My first thought is that I don't know that you failed the first time. It feels like the Lapband wasn't right for you. I understand that's pretty common.

My next thought is that I wonder if hunger is really what you're feeling. First, acid can mimic hunger. I find that if I eat yogurt, I feel hungry and then realize that it's acid. You might experiment with foods to see what makes you feel less hungry. Also, eating is a habit that I still miss. Surely some of it must be mental hunger.

I am hungry often. I think that's OK, and not a sign of failure. You just might be one of those people who need to eat more frequently. Six small meals instead of three larger ones. There's nothing wrong with that. You just have to be really aware of portion sizes so that it doesn't sneak up on you.

I know that this next suggestion will sound cliche and be very annoying, but the next time you feel hungry, make yourself do something else before you eat. Tell yourself that you can have that next meal/snack, but first you have to walk around the block, do 10 situps, whatever. Sometimes just distracting yourself can help, and it is known that exercise can reduce appetite for some people.

Also, water, water, water. Drink 8 0z when you feel hungry, wait 15 minutes and then eat.

I don't pretend to have the answers, I just don't want to see you give up. You did this to make yourself healthier. You are worth the effort.

Kathy

This is a great post Kathy. I also often feel hungry and am probe to over eating especially if I am emotional eating (not eating mindfully) or I forget to take my water bottle with me. Staying We hydrated is a massive part of staying on top of head hunger.

OP, I am also sorry you feel that you have "failed" - the transition thru 2 surgeries and the mental/physical effort they require can really leave us feeling low. I support the idea of you seeing a professional therapist who can help you work thru the head games that can make it so hard to differentiate our mind/body state after surgery.

If you stick to the plan of low carb, high protein and start measuring and tracking your food intake i know you can be successful. The VSG is only a tool the hard work is staying alert to the volume and nutrition we give our bodies following surgery. It takes time to retrain our mind and our bodies from a lifetime of habits. I'm on my fitness pal with several other friendly vsg people, if you would like to join us my user name is Caleykins.

Take care.

Thanks for your message.

Thing is, I lost weight pre-surgery, and I've been losing weight for some time. But I've been miserable. Feeling deprived and hungry all the time. I was so excited for the surgery, because I was hoping I'd finally get some relief from that feeling. Instead, it's right back to the same thing, feeling hungry all day, and hating it. I don't know. Maybe right now the issue is just the huge disappointment dealing with my expectations which were set by talking to people who had the surgery and even reading here. There's a post on the front page now that reads "...lost 90 in the first 6 months...and 10 more in the 3 months after that. 100 pounds in less than a year. Literally. Melted. Off." And my doctor is telling me to expect 16 lbs in 3 months? It's heartbreaking.

I know what I need to do to lose the weight. It isn't some mystic secret and I've been doing it, but I guess I was just hoping for some relief from the intense discomfort of the past 4 months or so.

Thanks Kathy,

Right now my plan is to drink 16 oz of fluid before I eat anything. I'm hoping that might curb some of the hunger. I'm already eating multiple small meals, but I'm not sure it's helping, as I don't feel satisfied during any of them.

I guess mentally I was really banking on that feeling that ALL of the people I talked to told me about. Reduced desire to eat. Not feeling a bit of it is such a huge letdown.

I feel hungry a lot, not everyone gets lucky with that unfortunately. I have 6 small meals a day, and a really good point another OH member (Grim) pointed out was to stop thinking of food as snacks. Snacks generally are fillers or treats that have little nutritional value. Once I changed the language and started considering each as small meals my choices got smarter and I didn't fixate so much on what to eat next.

When you say you feel hungry all the time is this like a snarling in your stomach that goes with the head hunger? Most of us are on a PPI to reduce the acid in our newly small stomachs and this has been SUPER helpful for me to get a handle on what is and isn't real hunger. Could this be something that might help?

We are all rooting for you. I know it can be discouraging hearing your Dr say that but don't forget they are not psychic. Many people exceed that weight loss and you can too, it doesn't have to be a self fulfilling prophecy. Go well :)

Yes, there is stomach twisting/growling, and I'm on a PPI.

At this point I think I'm just going to try drinking more and probably just living with it. I'm already doing the many-small-meals thing, but thank you for the suggestions.

I am also 3 weeks out. We're still healing. Meals right now aren't truly meals in my opinion. We went out to eat last night and there was nothing in the menu I could have so I asked the waiter for suggestions. It was an old chicago pizza place. He said the soup wasn't good but he could get me a size if grilled chicken and veggies and put cheese on it if I wanted. It was amazing. The first mealnthat felt like a meal! Tasty, cheap ($3)! And didn't make me sick. Everything was seasoned. I watched my portion and have enough left for 2 more meals.

That aaid... give it some time. Maybe when your stomach heals things will get better.

Sorry but , it is not a miracal, I am almost 2 weeks out and I feel hunger but that does not mean it did not work.

Does it restrict how much you can consume? then it worked. you had 75% of your tummy removed you are not superhuman that your tummy has grown back in that short time.

Are you sticking to your end of the bargain?

Did you stick to the post op plan?

Are you having protien first 4 ounces at a time?

Because you have to take responsibility for this journey no one else.

I also have mental health issues, so I understand and I am not judging you , but all i hear is its someone elses fault . Or having to many expectations.