My secret

I'm not really bothered by it ... I HAVE lost weight and its as plain as day. People mentioning it is really no different than someone noticing a hair cut. We all know that we were/are obese, that's why we got the surgery in the first place. Its not something that we can keep a secret and it is often something that we feel self conscious about too.

At first I was going to keep my WLS a secret ... but there is no hiding the weight loss. And since I don't see a lot of family in person on a regular basis I know the next holiday gathering I attend would be a shocker (probably thanksgiving) When I show up having dropped at least 70 pounds by then (I'm down 40 already) That left me with 2 options ... accept everyone discussing my weight loss ... either in front of me or behind my back or get in front of it and announce to everyone that I had the surgery. Well .. I made a long facebook post about having the surgery and my reason for doing it. I closed my status by telling anyone if they had any question or comments to please just ask me. I got nothing but support and a few people asking about the surgery because they were thinking about getting it done themselves.

My experience with disclosure on FB was pretty much the same as yours. Only replace "family gathering" with "geek convention with lots of my friends." I'd lost something like 80 pounds at that point and the need to disclose was tearing me up inside since I'm a super open person. But I knew that I didn't want to go to this Con and have everyone ask me the same questions 50 billion times and I also didn't want people to talk behind my back and wonder if I had cancer. (Since my dad had cancer, I was always worried that people would forget that the Gwen/Cancer association was from my dad and not me because of my weight loss.)

The Facebook post was an amazing experience for me - everyone *****plied was just astoundingly supportive and wonderful. I glad I waited for a bit, though. I think I needed to prove to myself that I was actually going to lose weight before I announced it to the world :)

You can keep quiet about surgery, but you will never keep it a secret. WLS is really very common. Everyone knows what it is, and knows people who have had it. And when you lose half of your body weight in a short amount of time, they are just going to assume you had it, even if you don't say so. Worse, if you just keep saying things like "diet and exercise," or "I'm just more active," they will call you a liar behind your back.

I understand how uncomfortable you are discussing your weight. But your current approach is just going to invite a never ending stream of comments. If you want as little discussion about it as possible, rip the bandaid off. Announce you had surgery, you are, and will be, monitored by a great medical team, and this is the first and last time you care to discuss the matter. If you say it like you truly mean it, it will be the last time you have to hear about it. Otherwise, be prepared for months of comments, speculation, and gossip.

Everybody is different and there is no right or wrong. When people have noticed my weight loss I am open about it and honest. The majority of the people have responded positively to my face but who knows what they really think. That's their problem, not mine. People are curious and ask questions so it gives me an opportunity to put WLS in a positive light.

Before surgery, I was very reluctant to share. I wasn't interested in everyone's opinion or reasons why I shouldn't have it done. I told very few people, and was happy with that decision.

Now 5 months out from surgery and down almost 90 lbs since then, the conversation has come up more times than I can count. Like others have said, I've formulated my response strategy at this point. If someone complements me on my weight loss, I just say thank you. If someone takes the next step to ask me how I did it, then I will tell them about surgery, and I start giving them more information than they probably wanted to hear.

Maybe I sound like a zealot, but this process has been so transformative for me and so many others that I feel some personal responsibility to start working towards breaking down the societal myths and the negative stigma surrounding WLS. I feel like that can only be done through educating people about it and giving them more open exposure to it. I always frame it around WLS being the right decision for me. I feel like this is my opportunity now to do it, because I know the comments are going to start slowing and then come to an end at some point.

Yeah, there is a stigma around WLS. When I first started looking, I was so embarrassed. Almost like, wow I got this far in my weight gain that I need surgery to help me?! Now obviously, I see it as a complete life changing, magnificent tool. I feel that if I do talk about it (and I do with my close friends, and coworkers) I can help a little by breaking the stigma.

My stock answer to "how did you lose the weight" is "I changed the way I eat, got more active and had most of my stomach removed". It's shocking enough to shut most people up.

Haha, I love this. I obviously welcome the compliments, but I also want people to leave me alone lol. I hate having a spotlight on me.

Nice. I've frequently used "Diet, surgery, exercise" as an answer.

Even though I did not disclose to most, my stock answer was "diet, exercise, medical intervention" with one having more impact than they other depending on what time period is referenced. In my case though, most assumed the medical intervention part was related to other health issues.