My secret

My boss came up to me today and said, "You look like you've lost weight! You're face is thinner!" I reply, "Oh I'm just more active in the summer!!"

I plan on keeping my WLS a secret because I hate comments on my weight. There is so much more to me than that. Comment on how healthy I look, how much more I'm smiling because my back doesn't hurt and I actually like my appearance. I don't know. It's obviously well intentioned but it bugs me. Is anyone else the same way? I just graciously say thank you but I get that uncomfortable feeling.

Perhaps it stems from my weight being something I figured was the first thing people notice about me. Like, "Oh, you know A. Kinda bigger, curly hair, glasses." (I've had that said about me many times). I don't want it to define me anymore. I want to be recognized for my banter, and personality rather than, oh your face is thin now.

I don't know lol. Just something that I think about sometimes.

Best,

A

Sadly, keeping WLS a secret likely won't keep people from commenting on your weight.

I have random people who know nothing about my life (even to the point that they don't know my name) feel totally entitled to comment and quiz me about my weight. It's pretty ridiculous.

I opted to be completely open about my surgery because I realize that people will talk whether I want them to or not, I'd rather they have the truth to talk about than whatever stupid crap they've made up.

So when people start inappropriately talking about my body? (So when it's not an actual legit topic for whatever reason.) I redirect. A lot. Every single time with the same repeated script. "Thanks. Can you believe they killed Carl on The Walking Dead?" (They didn't really, that's just an example of a script.) Most people get the hint that my body isn't a valid topic for conversation after they hear the script a few times.

It is ridiculous and I just don't want it as a topic of conversation. I will deflect as much as possible lol.

It is ridiculous, I agree. It sucks that our weight is one of those things that people can see so therefore feel entitled to talk about!

Here's an article that I think is relevant -- http://www.self.com/story/gabourey-sidibe-weight-loss

Ugh, I love her so much. Thank you for that, Gwen.

I told only immediate family members and 1 friend. Work discrimination issues was why... Here is the thing, as you go on to lose a lot you will be bombarded with comments and demands to know how you did it. You need to prepare yourself with a canned answer, as it will essentially be the same conversation like a hundred times. Something like low carb, lots of exercises or something similar that better fits your situation will usually do it. They will also want to know how much you have lost, so if you don't want to share that then have a response ready. I promise it will eventually stop... but it takes a long time. Prepare now.

I absolutely hate the how much have you lost question. Whenever I see my mother, she says "Look at you, skinny! How much have you lost?" Like, I'm fine mom, school's great. Work is good, thanks for asking. *eye roll*. My weight isn't the only important thing about me. I will def have to think of other things to say to deflect the attention off of me.

I got this from my neighbor earlier in the week. The guy doesn't even know my NAME and he thought it was acceptable to ask me how much weight I've lost. WTF, yo?!

My response to that was "a lot, thanks for asking!" and I kept on walking. :P

One woman actually asked me, "How much do you weigh now?" I told her, "None of your business, but I feel great."

That said, I don't hold back on telling people I had the surgery. If they mention my weight I tell them I had weight loss surgery. I'm proud of the work I did to get here, and there is no shame involved. It actually keeps the questioning and comments down to a minimum, because I have a ready reply when they ask about it.

I totally understand how you feel. Its very awkward at times. My response is thanks for noticing the new improved me.

I found hiding my surgery more mentally exhausting then being upfront. If I'm not in the mood to answer questions i tell people to google it or subscribe to my blog etc.....

I find being big a lot of people only see the weight loss and have no clue what to say other than wow you lost weight and don't realize they are staring or repeatedly commenting. So you just gotta change the subject.

I have had to shut down my own mom wasn't easy but it had to be done.

But at the end of the day you have to own it and realize your transition is yours and let the comments boost you and reassure you that you are moving in the direction of a better you.