Posting to keep myself accountable
on 6/20/17 8:19 pm
I'm failing myself. I've been going over my calorie goal almost every day with untracked snacks of meat and cheese, or unweighed portions of planned foods at meals. My inner voice has so many justifications: "You've lost weight before on keto eating more calories than this", "you are still losing weight", "If you aren't eating carbs, it's fine", " a goal of 600-700 calories per day is too strict anyway", "you stopped tracking in the middle of the day so it doesn't make sense to now", "your period is about to start so it's okay to snack" etc etc etc.
I wish I had the ability to regularly see a therapist that specializes in food issues, but that is not in the cards for me right now. I'm so scared that I'm blowing this precious opportunity to take control of my food addiction. This out of control eating definitely was triggered by a specific stress event. In theory I will be much less stressed in two weeks.
I have to find a way to deal with this stress that does not involve food. I wish I could get enough sleep. I do think that my stress management abilities would be much better if I could only sleep, but unfortunately adequate sleep is not possible right now.
I need to do better. I will only eat weighed and tracked food tomorrow. Tomorrow is already logged in myfitnesspal, and this time I will eat only what I plan. One day at a time.
It's not easy, I'm also struggling. But a really important tool is MFP and tracking everything so I am glad you are going to start using it.
I sometimes go over but I track every last thing and I make sure that is one commitment to myself I won't break. Part of the VSG tool we have been given is the accountability to our hunger signals and food choices. There's a good group of supportive Vsg-ers on MFP, why don't you join us? My username is Caleykins. It can really help to know you are doing it with others (& to get meal ideas).
You got this!!
on 6/21/17 7:21 am
You can do it! It sounds like you know what you need to do. You HAVE the power. Just think how much better you will feel if you follow plan today? Do you have access to a support group via your program? I know that activity is crucial for my mental health, sleep, etc. Try to up your activity today (walk) if you can and focus on positive self talk. If you are stressed, work through those feelings by journaling, talking to a friend, etc. Ask yourself what is the worse thing that can happen? What are the solutions or options? I frequently tell myself that everything always works out and if it doesn't that is when I learn the most. Keep telling yourself that you are worthy of excellent health because you are.
Make sure you are eating enough at meal time. I notice you are breastfeeding, not sure how that plays a part but check with your program to see if they have some ideas. Maybe you need more nutrients, food, etc.
Know that you are not alone! Believe me it is a constant challenge for me too. I am constantly learning and practicing.
I've found that a therapist doesn't need to specialize in food issues to be helpful - do you have the ability to see a therapist you click with on a regular basis at all? Any good therapist should be able to help you with stress management skills.
VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)
Age 42 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170
TrendWeight | Food Blog (sort of functional) | Journal (down for maintenance)
If you are private pay or your insurance doesn't cover therapy, maybe look for one that offers a sliding scale fee based on your income. Before I had insurance this is what I had to do. If you are like me and live in a relatively small community it's hard to find a therapist who specializes in food issues. Like Gwen said, you don't have to have one that does. Mine doesn't, but she has extensive knowledge of addiction, which is so helpful. I know it's hard, but you can do this. You took the first step by posting here today and you have a plan for tomorrow.
on 6/21/17 10:28 am
It's more that I have no childcare and live where I would have to drive a long way to get to a therapist. But we are moving soon!
on 6/21/17 3:12 pm
I have been wanting to post something similar to this for the last two of weeks. I am super busy with work and have been stress eating big time. I knew I had problems with stress eating before my surgery, but i thought I had a handle on it afterwards...until now. It has kicked me in the butt and made me realize I do need to see a therapist to work through this. I have tried going for walks or other suggested tricks, and I track everything I eat...but holy moly is the calorie total scary The last couple of days I've at least transitioned to eating edamame, cucumbers, etc., so at least what I'm binge eating is less calories. I want to remove the part of my brain that thinks "work stress = need caffeine/sugar/salt!!"
on 6/21/17 7:58 pm
For what it's worth, I stuck with the plan today. I will make a plan for tomorrow and stick with that. One day at a time!