Support for our support

My husband ani I were talking last night about support during this whole journey. He is being amazing, but he is correct there is little out the to help our families prepare for, or help them cope with the major interruption to their lives that our journey will put on them.

My program has lots of required classes where they discourage family members from attending. But they don't have any for the family members to teach them what to expect, toolds to help them adjust to the diet that we will be on.

Examples: Since I won't be eating solid food for weeks, my husband will have to cook for himself instead of our cooking together. Since I can't eat restaurant food for weeks we can't enjoy one of our favorite date night activities, which means he also doesn't get to go out either.

Thoughts on tools, methods, tricks that helped your family?

We went to restaurants and he had a meal, while I sipped on a cup of tea. I was able to cook for my husband the day I came home from the hospital, I just did not eat any of it. We took lots of walks together. You can still do the same things, just not eat the same things.

Congratulations on your upcoming surgery!

I think it's great your husband is supportive! Mine is too. Here's a few things I did to try and mitigate the impact as best I could:

• As I headed into each phase, I gave him a rundown of what we might expect to happen. I.e. Difficulty being around food smells during the liquid phase. Mood swings during hormone dumping in the early days. Looking sick as my face gets smaller quickly , hair loss, etc. the extra attention I would get as people start to notice. Things like that. It doesn't prevent it from having an impact on him, but I think it curbs some of the shock.
• Try to find non food related activities to do together before you have surgery. Dinner out was always our go to date night. We still eat out often, but we branched out our activities. Movies without dinner is one of them.gardening, And ugh, I'm even going to try golfing again hahaha.
• Check in with him along the way. For example, I recently asked what it's like to see my body change so quickly. Twice now he's almost walked past me in public because his brain didn't register it was me.

basically, that long ramble is meant to say, just keep a dialogue going, it's not a one and done type conversation.

Also, I applied a lot of the above to family and close friends too. Especially finding non food /alcohol related activities and warning my parents that at a certain point I might look sick to them, but I'm actually healthier than ever.

good luck!

Hiya!

I didn't leave the house a lot for my first two weeks, which were liquids. I had cooked extra food prior to surgery, so the freezer was well stocked with things that could go in the slow cooker or the over for their dinners. I could have cooked dinner while on liquids but, ugh, I had zero desire. So my partners did a combination of foods from the freezer, take away, and I think one of them cooked a little as well.

Once I got to purees, though, I ate the same thing as my partners and it's been that way ever since. I cook foods that are primarily protein and will then make a plain carb for them - so veg, rice, pasta, potatoes. I stick to the primarily protein dish and they add in the carb. During my two weeks of purees, I just cooked things that were easy to puree. We'd eat together at the table. I'd have my 2-3 ounces of pureed food and they'd have their plates and I'd try to make my eating last as long as theirs. :) Puree Day was a happy day, since I love cooking and eating meals with my family.

I don't think we went out to restaurants until I was 5 weeks out and that was only because I went to NYC and had to eat out. We're not big "eat out at restaurants" people, we prefer to get take away if I'm not cooking. Regardless, though, we've found other favorite date activities that don't revolve around food. This has worked out well - both of my partners have become more active as a result.

This has been a change for my family, but a good change. I tried to prepare them as much as possible. Reading through all the old posts in this forum helped to give me a good idea of what I could expect. I warned them that I might be super emotional and that I'd try to leave the room if I was being a jerk, but that they should tell me if I was. I started seeing a therapist to help me to be a better me whi*****ludes learning ways to be a better partner.

Overall, it's been a pretty smooth transition for my family. I'm sure it will be for you and your husband too since you're talking and strategizing about this stuff now!

I cooked this meal less than a week out of surgery and had about 12-15 people for a bbq. You can still do things. You are the one who needs to adapt.

I'm not sure where you live but most of the hospitals in my area have free weight loss info sessions and prep and post support groups where the public / families are welcome. This is in addition to any individual classes. Before surgery I went to several to get information and understand the process. It was helpful to be able to hear the challenges others had. I I ate out a lot before and still now after surgery. The only difference is what I order. I found it was easier to change my eating than to try and rework my whole lifestyle. Keep your date nights.

That is weird. My program is the exact opposite. They encourage family members and they have groups for the too I think. I don't have family that live with me so it doesn't apply to me, but I know family members are allowed.

When I went to meetings and classes family members were there, which personally I didn't care for, it should have been patients only, but that is my preference.

I went out to restaurants all the time. I just didn't eat. It was this that made me realize that food was such a central part of all my life. I had never had to question or doubt it. I found myself more engaged in social things as a result.

As for home cooking, you can pre-make and freeze a lot of food. You can still cook together. I just pureed typical high protein meals during puree stages; I made roasted chicken thighs, pot roast, etc. I just didn't add starches and pureed away. Any marginally healthy diet is compatible with a bariatric patient. Even if there's pasta or something, just make protein along side, puree away, and enjoy food together.

There are many options, and life doesn't have to get interrupted. If you feel that not being able to cook or eat "normally" is going to disrupt this, it might be good to take a step back and see why. The quick answer is that it's not necessarily disruptive at all.

I am not sure why you can't still go to restaurants on dates, or have fun cooking, or share things. Even now if I am not hungry I do not eat, yet I go to restaurants all the time with friends.

If anything, such things are freeing in a way, because I can focus on people rather than food - I used to obsess about food constantly. Now it's more like, "eh, whatever...I can still see my friend and not eat."

Snag a copy of "Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies" and have your husband read it. It's a FABULOUS guide to post-op life, it explains things very simply. I had my husband and mom read it and it explained pretty much everything.

One thing to know is that you will probably be VERY low-energy for the first few weeks. I know I didn't have nearly enough energy for "date night" ANYTHING until about a month out. I slept most of the first two weeks, and napped frequently for the first month or two post-op. This means your husband will be sort of on his own for a bit, and that's OK, it doesn't last forever.