Not a fan of the new family nickname...

I feel this is a stupid thing to be upset about, although I'm not really upset, more uncomfortable I guess. The last two months or so my mom, dad and brother have all started greeting me by saying, "hey Skinny!" My mom not so much anymore since I see her every day as opposed to seeing my dad and brother less frequently, but it feels like such a weird "nickname." I have never wanted to be defined by how my body looks, even if sometime in the future I end up skinny, I still don't want to be defined by that. Being called skinny feels almost like being called fatty, although if someone called me fatty I would know it would have malice behind it, while I know that my family calling me skinny is not meant to be malicious. Has anyone else felt upset or miffed or uncomfortable by being complimented on the weight loss?

I get the same nickname from family, which is funny because by no means am I close to skinny yet, I'm just smaller than I was already. It does make me feel strange to hear, because I have so far to go still and I have trouble seeing myself as anything but a fat person.

It doesn't sound to me like they are "defining" you by your size. Instead, it sounds to me like your family is very proud of your success and that, to them, you look skinny compared to where you started. I get that, too, but I know it comes from a place of love and support. Especially to those who don't see you often, the changes must be so drastic to them; not like us seeing ourselves or anyone else who sees us all the time.

You, of course, have to handle this the way that feels right for you. For me, I wish I'd done this while my folks were still alive, they always worried so about my weight. I'd love to be able to hear them sound so proud and call me "Skinny."

But, if it continues to bother you, just tell them kindly that it makes you feel uncomfortable, and that you'd prefer if they stopped. Otherwise, they won't know.

I agree, Cathy. I think people often use terms like "Skinny" as complimentary, especially family who are proud of the accomplishment. My SO calls me the incredible shrinking woman!! I love it!!!!

P.

It's hard for people who haven't gone through this process to be able to understand how you're feeling and sometimes the things they say and do are irritating to you because they just don't get it. If it bothers you that much why not just tell them to stop. But if it was me I'd bask in the compliment.

This is part of the journey. I think you should just enjoy it. There will come a time when everyone will be used to the smaller you and the nickname will go away on its own.

If this was used with any regularity, I would be upset and start setting boundaries. It is your right to tell people, "Hey, I don't like this new nickname and I'm going to stop responding to it." Of course... depending on your family that might just encourage them to keep at it. Since family can suck like that sometimes.

I am bothered by people commenting on my body because I find it to be rude in 95% of situations. I have become a master at changing the subject :P

You aren't alone. This is really, really common. I know that won't help much though.

When it's coming from men, consider it a playful compliment. I know that's not very helpful either, but that is truly what it is. Men aren't very smart.

You'll get more of this as you go along. You'll get people telling you you're getting too skinny. That you need to stop losing. That you look sickly. And you'll get all of those comments while you are still overweight, or even obese.

We also hear from a bunch of members who complain that they've lost a lot of weight and get NO comments. So there's another side to this as well.

Personally, I just took them as compliments, which I truly believed they were.

I think often as women of any size, we often get complemented by our appearance and not our attributes. Weird as it sounds, I have spoken to many people who are just as uncomfortable at being called skinny as many of us are being called fat. Even men are getting treated this way more frequently.

There was a documentary made by a woman called Jean Kilbourne who studied how women are viewed in advertising. Skinny becomes a mandate rather than a compliment. We internalize a lot of these things.

When we get called by something other than our name it can objectify us, regardless of gender, and regardless of the caller's intent.

As others said, don't hesitate to enforce good boundaries.

Sorry, this became a bit of an amateur sociologist tangent. >.>

I'm not saying it's bad to be skinny. Women, whether a size 0 or a size 38, have to deal with their bodies being the focus rather than us as actual people with real positive attributes. That's the true sadness, really. I think your response is quite understandable given that.

I am going to check out the documentary you mentioned. There is a really good one on Netflix called "Embrace" that is worth watching as well.