I'm back.....

I have't logged on to this site in probably 4 years. I had my VSG in September of 2012. I lost 135 lbs and every bit of confidence I ever had. I was by far, more confident as a nearly 300 lb woman. To this day, I look in the mirror and see morbid obesity. I never was able to get my head around any of it.

In October 2014, I had cancer. I didn't KNOW it was cancer until they cracked my chest open to get the tumor out. Thankfully, they got it all out but the recovery was HORRIBLE. I couldn't sleep in a bed for almost a year and was off of work for close to 6 months and course, no exercise.

Seven weeks after having my chest cracked, on Christmas Day, my brother was telling a story while he was eating dinner. The story was about how short life is and as he was laughing, he shook his head and looked down. He passed away before my eyes.

So.... all the people *****ached out to me for my initial surgery (chest) came to my side in full force after his death and of course, bearing food! I felt so bad for myself that I eventually ate the candy and the cookies and fell into a horrible habit. I gained back 25 lbs.

I am working on getting it off (getting my good habits back) and I have 20 more to go.

Today, I had a consult with the plastic surgeon because all of that extra skin from my chest is pulling on my incision from my chest operation. He is pretty confident that my insurance will cover the excess skin removal. FINGERS CROSSED.

Anyway, I had to see photos of myself naked. OMG.... no WONDER I can't date! I pray to God that this is covered under my insurance because I look terrible and emotionally FEEL terrible.

Just wanted to check in. Please say a few prayers for a VSG sister.... thanks all.

Prayers headed your way

First, I'm glad your health issues have resolved, and condolences on the loss of your brother.

Second, in my opinion, you should find a therapist soon. You have mentioned several things that it seems you need help with, and I believe you would benefit greatly from therapy. My prayers are with you.

If you aren't seeing a therapist, please find one to add to your team. This is a lot to work through and having a therapist would be really helpful. I'm sorry for all of this.

I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through. I'm 3 years out and need to lose around 20lbs that I've gained. I'm back tracking everything on my fitness pal if you'd like to add me. The more incentive to be on there the better for me. If you use it, please add me as saravmf.

It's good to see you back here! I remember you from all those years ago and I'm getting back into the swing of things. You have my empathy and support. I am so sorry about the loss of your brother, and congratulations on overcoming cancer. Let us know what we can do. Take good care.

Thanks for all of your support and well wishes. Interestingly, tomorrow will be one year since I posted this. since then, I've had a complete hysterectomy (full-open and totally unexpected), a breast reduction with a revision and a whole lot of soul searching.

I have about 15 lbs. left to lose but was just approved to have all of my extra skin taken off and the date is set! I could not be happier. I will be a different person once all of that is gone. It is literally the ONLY thing holding me back from living my best life.

If I've learned anything from my brother it is that you HAVE to get the most out of life because tomorrow is never promised. I haven't dated at all in the last two years because of being so self conscious about my body. I'm done with the lonely existence and I'm moving on!

Thank God for good friends and a great life coach (and a fantastic team of physicians, including my plastic surgeon). Without them, I don't know where I'd be.