Have you already lost friends over this surgery?

I hope you can learn to focus on yourself and your own health (and your husband and kids) and not so much on other people or this journey will be a tough one for you.

Many of us do become wayyyyyy too self-absorbed during our journey and other people definitely do not want to hear about it. Save your weight loss talk for this website or local support groups.

Focus on YOU!!

Ugh. This is crummy. Sadly the only way you can find out what's going on is to ask your bff - let her know how you're feeling and ask what's going on.

Hi Loststar:

My best friend and I have known each other since we were 14. I'm now 52! We've disagreed but never fought. She's an ICU nurse and is also obese. Growing up, I was the one that was always dieting and playing sports. I was overweight but not obese. She was active but just in other things. She was also a happy, outgoing person. She still is and has many more friends than I could ever have. I had a close circle of friends and that suited me just fine.

My weight increased after I had kids many moons ago. I'd lose some and then gain some. Finally, last year I decided I was tired of fighting the battle alone. I wanted and needed help. I went to the information session.When I called her, all she did was tell me how this person or that had surgery done and that they've gained it all back. I explained the sleeve surgery but she still was not supportive.

I had talked to her in December and told her I was having surgery in January. She didn't call me in January.I then got a call in early February. She asked if I had had the surgery and she was upset that I hadn't called her. She told me that she was there for support and I could count on her as always.

I guess my point is that sometimes even the best of friends have to digest the information and realize that it will not change the friendship in any way. Some friends will not be able to be supportive for many different reasons. I had one tell me that she wished she had the courage to do it and that is why she backed away. Some may be jealous. Some may just be ignorant. Whatever the reason, if they are not supportive or do something that hurts you, they may not be the person you thought they were to begin with.

Throughout this process, you need to understand that this is YOUR journey. You are doing this for YOU.What matters is that you are happy, content, and secure in your decision to have this surgery.

Just an FYI - my oldest daughter was totally against this surgery when I started. She got on board the day of the surgery and has been with me ever since.

-Jan

Wow, Jan. I feel like you just told my story down to my oldest daughter (21) who still isn't supportive of it. I know in time she will be, but she's away at college and it really doesn't bother me if she is or not, since she's too young to really 'get it'. I too have a small group of friends. I've never needed or felt comfortable having people around for the sake of having people around me. I've only told five people tops that I'm having this surgery.

But, even your friend's response sounds like something my friend would say. No, I don't think this will end the friendship. We probably won't talk for awhile, but when we do, our friendship will no doubt be changed. Once you see someone different, it's hard to go back.

Thanks so much, your story really means a lot to me!

Anytime - glad I could help.

I know if I recognize someone but can't place them, I will almost never approach them to try and figure it out. I'm not sure what is going on with your friend, but I'd honestly give the guy a break.

I distanced myself from my BFF of 10+ years last summer because after my depression went away I started to realize her negativity and constant complaining were not good for my mental health, plus she holds grudges over the stupidest things. I've started to see that she might have only kept me around because while her life sucks, at least it wasn't as bad as mine, but now that my life is going super well, I'm no longer worse off than her. I've come to accept that though and I'm actually pretty fine with it.

Old friends aren't the same as best friends. A best friend can be opened up to no matter what the cir****tance. If you're not even comfortable bringing it up, it sounds like you're long-time comfortable companions and there's about to be a shift.

Wow. I got goose bumps reading that. Thank you. I believe that's exactly what happened.