Have you already lost friends over this surgery?
I was thinking the same thing. When you get into analyzing who's posting to a Facebook wall and how much-- you're leaving the realm of mature/rational adult.
I also don't get how not being acknowledged is one's 'rock bottom'. But to each their own...
5'6.5" High weight:337 Lowest weight:193/31 BMI: Goal: 195-205/31-32 BMI
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt embarrassed or 'wronged' and no one else noticed? Does that mean what you felt was made up or it just wasn't as important to someone else as it was to you?
Kind of strange to see all the judging on an obesity site where, probably, everyone at some point felt judged by their size. If you've never felt like that because of your weight, kudos to you. I guess it's just me. The guy in question, by the way, wasn't someone I kind of knew.
And concerning the Facebook thing, you're telling me you've never went to someone's wall you're not friends with and read a message? Come on. At least I can admit it. I may look immature but hell, I'm not a hypocrite.
I'm not saying him ignoring you shouldn't bother you- I don't understand it being a 'rock bottom.' In the WLS realm our rock bottoms tend to be more direct; I.E.- had he actually acknowledged you and said something mean, cruel, judgmental etc. You're making him guilty by association (or non-association).
Of course I've read a wall or two on facebook, that's why they are there-- to be read. But what you state goes deeper than passively reading a wall post. I haven't analyzed anyone-- it allows one person to absorb to much of your energy/emotion. Doing so ultimately gives that person a level of control over you.
5'6.5" High weight:337 Lowest weight:193/31 BMI: Goal: 195-205/31-32 BMI
I'm not saying him ignoring you shouldn't bother you- I don't understand it being a 'rock bottom.' In the WLS realm our rock bottoms tend to be more direct; I.E.- had he actually acknowledged you and said something mean, cruel, judgmental etc. You're making him guilty by association (or non-association).
Of course I've read a wall or two on facebook, that's why they are there-- to be read. But what you state goes deeper than passively reading a wall post. I haven't analyzed anyone-- it allows one person to absorb to much of your energy/emotion. Doing so ultimately gives that person a level of control over you.
Maybe it's because I'm an analytical person. I always have been. There are times I wish I didn't see what others painfully miss. Although, like I said to my friend, if this happened to her I think she would've noticed.
I've been kicked off rollercoasters, humiliated many times--included by own mother and sister (who's a clinical psychologist btw)--and I've let it roll off my back. I guess you can say 'rock bottom' was the straw that broke the camel's back, which, I guess, is why I called it rock bottom.
Was it the worse thing that's ever happened to me being fat? No. Being kicked off the minion ride at Universal in front of 59 other passengers, or called out on an airplane for being too big was much worse. Why those two times weren't my rockbottom, I really don't know. In a perfect world where emotions make sense they would've been. But I guess I'm just sad because losing friendships just suck, especially because I'm just trying to become the best version of me that I possibly can achieve.
I've had a friend since I was eleven. She even came with me for my first three hour appointment with my surgeon back in December. But after that, and watching videos with me on YouTube of before and afters, I don't know. She's just been so weird. Suddenly, her texts became one word answer or very curt. She was more defensive than usual. I mean, in thirty years we've never even had a fight. Yes, I was always bigger than her, but when we were younger she was super skinny while I was more of an athletic body type. So I wasn't fat but she did get the attention.
I keep racking my brain of what I could've done wrong. Did I talk about this too much, even though I truly did try to limit the chatter on this topic. Since my initial appointment, she actually talked about weight loss more, since she feels terrible at her all time high of 170 pounds. But we actually haven't talked for the last three weeks.
Actually, the whole reason I started this wls journey is from the rude treatment of a childhood/grade school friend when I was at Panera while sitting with my best friend on December 8 of last year. She and I were sitting there when, let's call him MRB (my rock bottom), walked up to our table and started talking to my best friend. Now, I've known him longer, in fact, I'm the reason those two even know each other. I actually saw him a month before at my son's book fair when I caught him staring at me from across the room, then he suddenly looked away. But here, a month later he was completely ignoring me. Not once did say 'hi, how are you?' or just 'hi'. Nothing. He talked to her for fifteen minutes and didn't look my way once even though he was six inches away. Can you say uncomfortable?
That hurt like you wouldn't believe. That was my new low. That was my rock bottom.
My best friend kept explaining it off like he probably didn't recognize me, but 1) I caught him staring a month before, so he at least knew I looked familiar. He could've said 'Hey, don't I know you?'. 2) If he truly didn't know me, he probably would've at least said 'hi' or 'excuse me' or 'sorry for interrupting'. But nothing. To me, that shows guilt.
What's weird is that on FaceBook (I'm friends with his twin brother on Facebook, but not him) my best friend has been one of the most active members on his wall. Even though he and I aren't friends, his wall is open and I had a strange feeling to check it this week. Gosh, that hurt even more. Even if she believed it was an innocent mistake, why would you actively pursue someone who you know hurt your friend so bad that she's cutting out 3/4's of her stomach for a change? Before December 8th, she never commented on his wall...ever. But now she's the main event. Is it because he made her feel good by ignoring me and showing her attention? Is it a constant need to be liked and she's overcompensating since she saw how he can treat someone? I'm not a therapist but I truly wonder why she's pursuing him so hard after that. Why, what is that called?
Sorry for venting but I think I'm just in disbelief still. Anyone else out there who can relate? Have you lost friends over your wls? It just makes me sad that if it's about my wls, how f'ing shallow is that?
I hate to say it but this person is not really your friend. She has allowed you to be her token"fat friend" cause you always make her look better.
many have seen this happen with "friends" after was.
You are better off without her.
When rock bottom spent 15 min chatting with your not-friend and she didn't bother to acknowledge your presence at the table to him? Um,no,not even.
on 3/15/17 8:50 am
One of the benefits of getting older is being able to easily recognize true friends and people that matter and hang on tight to them, while cutting off the people who don't want what's best for you. At 45, in the situation you describe, I would have wriiten both of these people off with an internal "FU" and gone off to spend time with real friends. No drama, just an easy choice of who is worthy of my time and attention. These people aren't. Stop giving them your mental attention.
