New to this, any insight would be appreciated :)

Hi everyone!! 

I am new to this site/forum. My name is Sydney and I am 21 years old. I had VSG surgery on June 6th this past year. My weight has been coming off steadily (more so when I workout really hard in the gym and limit my carbs), but I think I am most dissapointed that I feel like I am still 310 pounds. I am 5'10 and have lost 90 pounds (just weighed myself), but my self confidence has yet to catch up with my weightloss. Is this a stupid or weird thing to be feeling? I guess I knew that I wouldnt get instant gratification, but I was hoping my confidence would slowly come back. Also, how did you all deal with being comfortable in a romantic environment. Sorry again if this is a weird post, but I am only 21 years old and have taken myself out of the dating scene for 6 years because of the weight I had put on. Now, I just dont think I could ever feel beautiful or comfortable with my body to even jump back into it. Any suggestions or words of wisdom?

So sorry these were kind of personal, non surgery related questions. 

Cant wait to interact with you all!

Sydney 

Hi Sydney! Welcome! 

Congrats on your weight loss! It's true for most of us that it takes your head a lot longer to adjust to the changes than your body.  If you have been overweight for the majority of your life, it will take time to adjust and get used to your new reality. You also don't know exactly how your body will look when you are finished losing weight.  All of these things will mess with your head.  Keep doing what your doing and remember to be kind to yourself. I would also suggest along with your new habits for your eating and exercise, try to incorporate some activities that work on your mind like reading about self-love and body confidence.  Self-care activities like walks in nature and time for meditation have also helped me in dealing with drastic changes.  

As far as romance is involved, I married my husband when I was 275 lbs and gained a bunch then lost a bunch so he has seen me all over the spectrum.  I can imagine it would be nerve wracking with someone new but I don't have experience on that front after surgery. My suggestion would be Confidence Is Key.  If you love yourself and think you're sexy, who is the other person to disagree? Good luck! :-)  

Thank you so much for your kind words! You are right.. I need to get into more mind, body , spirit activities. I just get discouraged easily and especially being a college student, its hard to see all my skinny beautiful friends constantly get hit on while I stand there haha. Again, you are right.. confidence is key and I think that I need to feel sexy and beautiful before any man will. Thank you so so much. Congratulations to you as well!! Kicking butt

90lbs in a little less than 8 months is great, congratulations! My starting weight and surgery date, are both real close to yours. It sounds dumb when you are dropping clothing sizes along with the pounds so fast, but everyone else seemed to notice before I really did. I would look in the mirror and see the same reflection as before. The last few months it has started to dawn on me though. The comments and encouragement from friends and family have helped but one of the things that drove it home for me, was getting some new clothes. It was enjoyable going to buy "normal" sized clothing, missing the mark on sizes and having to get smaller instead of larger for a change.

As for the dating thing, I am right there with you also. I haven't really dated in a long time, since before I had to retire (almost 9 years). I have my daughter every Fri-Sun.  I used this as an excuse as to why I didn't really date for so long. I enjoy my time with her but I know the choice not to date was just an excuse because I was self conscious about the weight. I am glad to say that this to is slowly changing and I have gained back some of the confidence I had years ago.

I am sure your self confidence will come back. Only suggestion I can give is to put yourself out there. If you shy away from people and things, it's hard to build yourself up. Have faith in yourself and try something new. If you have someone that you enjoy spending time with or would like to get to know better, speak up and let them know. Best of luck to you!

Thank you so much! It is really crazy how we have trouble perceiving the weight we have lost and our body changing. Confidence is so important, you are right. I think that self love needs to come before one can love someone else (or attempt to). Thank you for your encouraging words. Congratulations to you as well, only great things from here! 

Sydney 

Your doing a great job! It's so hard to learn to get your mind to catch up with what you see in the mirror or how you feel when you look down at yourself.  For me I am 16 months out and 10 away from reaching goal weight and I am just now starting to see myself as a normal size person.  I have done at least one picture from the front and one from the side each month standing in front of the same doorway in my house to see the progress I have made.  As for the whole dating thing I am no help.  I was divorced recently and so I have not been out there in a long time. Good luck to you!

Wow that is unbelievable !!!! Awesome, you are so so close. I hope that starts to happen to me soon. Good luck to you too with these last 10 pounds 

Hi Sydney!  So, you're at around 220, and 5'10"...I'm 5'7" and am at 180, so pretty close probably as far as looking at our bodies goes?  Mine, however, is in it's 50s and not looking quite as, um, PERKY as it used to...but it's thinner and healthier!  And yours is too!  How do you feel when you're at the gym and working out hard?  I feel like I'm OWNING the place when I can move the weights up on the leg press machine or do more reps on the balance ball/crunch thingie (what is that called, anyway?).  I was at yoga today and while I wasn't quite at the level of the gorgeous 20 year old right in front of me (wearing the SAME Victoria's Secret crops I was wearing, thankssomuchsweetie!) I felt strong and confident and aware of my body in a positive way for the first time in a long time.

Lucky for me, I've been married to a fabulous guy for almost 26 years.  Over the years, we had babies, had the normal ups and downs in a marriage, had the tragedies that come with living life,  he went to pretty much every hotspot on earth with the Army, I stayed home and took care of the house/kids/pets...and I'd gain a bunch of weight with every pregnancy, every stressful time, then lose 50, or 80, or 75 lbs, then gain it back, plus some.  But through it all, he loved me and still saw the feisty, ass-kicking girl he met in 1989, despite all the imperfections.  He never cared what I looked like, only cared for what was inside of me and that I liked myself.

There's a guy just like him, but the love of YOUR life, out there for you...you just have to take a chance and let him find you.  I'm not saying that it's easy, or that the first guy you meet will be the right guy, but you've got to take the confidence that you've got at your disposal (because you've lost NINETY pounds and you're young and healthy and strong!!) and wear it all day, every day.  Get OUT there!  

Hey! So I'm still preop but I'm a similar age (22) and have similar emotions towards dating and self worth.

Are you in college? I know my university offers free counseling. I did it and it really helped, I never talked about big heavy issues, just the issues that made me feel silly to talk about them with my friends. For example, I've never had a boyfriend and while I put out the "strong and content single girl" vibe, I have a lot of insecurities about never dating. It was nice being able to voice my frustrations and fears to someone who was paid not to judge me. With friends they often tell you how to feel, because the love you and want you to see yourself how they see you. But a counselor lets you just put it out there; then help you process through it. Silly or not.

But for real girl, way to kick serious butt in the weight loss department. Mediate on your success in those moments where there is no confidence. You are an all star.