Need Advice: Dealing w/ significant feelings of regret

I don't have a lot to add, but I'll offer what I have.

It's normal to regret a life-changing decision, even when the net impact is good.  There's always the road you didn't take.

It's possible that 10 years from now they'll be able to duplicate the success of WLS with non-surgical options.  I hope so, because that'll mean more options for my children and grandchildren.  But I've been on WLS support board (new to this one, though) for almost a year, and almost universally, the only regret I hear from people who are 2, 3, 4, 5, 10 years out is that they didn't do it sooner.  I didn't want to (and couldn't) wait any more years to get my life back on track.

One of the good things about the VSG is that we haven't altered the way the body processes food.  Our digestive system is still hooked up the way it was.  So malabsorption really isn't an issue.  It's true that a few people end up long-term with a food (or a few foods) they can't tolerate, for the most part we can eat anything once we're healed up.  So as long as you're eating enough nutrition, your body will absorb it.  While it is irreversible, for most people the only long-term effect is a smaller stomach.

I fight very hard with the idea that I've done this because of society's standards.  I did this for health reasons, and sometimes it feels wrong to be happy about fitting into smaller pants.  But I'm coming to realize that it's not either/or.  It's OK to want to change your body to be more healthy.  It's hard for me to reconcile body positivity (which I am a huge supporter of) with WLS, but I'm getting there.

Also, remember that your body is healing from trauma - surgery is a trauma to the body no matter how needed it is.  Also, as you lose weight, hormones are dumping into your system in huge amounts and it alters the way you think and feel.  All of this gets better.  You'll see things VERY differently in a few months, when life starts looking more normal again, and you can eat real food again.

And the biggest thing I can say is kudos to you for starting therapy.  I started therapy about a year ago when I decided to start this process, and it's been the best thing I could have done for myself.  I went thinking we'd be addressing just my food issues, and it's ended up digging into things in my life that have been distressing me for decades, and my therapist and I are working through stuff and my life is better in so many ways.  It'll be hard sometimes, but keep with it.  It makes a HUGE difference, for both the weight loss and life in general.

Hugs, and trust me, it gets better.

I'm nearly 5 weeks out from my sleeve surgery and I can definitely relate. I don't regret my surgery, but I've had tinges of those feelings as I've progressed through the different diet stages and all the fun complications that arise from it. It's shocking to me how little I can eat (two scrambled eggs in one sitting on a big day) and its frustrating. It is, of course, what I signed up for. My doctor did a fantastic job of talking me through everything I could expect, and I've yet to run into anything he didn't cover. But of course knowing a thing is going to happen and actually experiencing it are two completely and utterly different things, and all the questions and answers in the world can't totally prepare you for some of the tougher spots. I'll further respond to each point in turn...

1. The trap of commercialized weight loss surgery - There is obviously a LOT of stigma around weight in our society and the ridiculous standards of beauty people are held to. I won't comment on anyone else's motivations for surgery, but mine were like 95% health reasons. Some people do try to sell weight loss surgery as the magic path to meeting that societal standard of beauty, and people who do that should be hauled in front of an ethics board and cashiered out of practice. As has been said above, WLS is an incredibly powerful tool, but not a solution in itself. You have to work the program for it to work for you. 
2. Again, I would work on focusing on the health benefits you will reap from your procedure. I think anyone who chases societal beauty standards will always be wanting and always disappointed. Think of how much better off your body will be as long as you work the program and keep your weight off
3. You may be right, and I've thought on this myself. But at 403 pounds at 32 years old, I wasn't sure I could wait any amount of years before I started to develop serious health issues because of my weight. At the point of my surgery, the worst complication I had was a massive case of sleep apnea. I was starting to feel the pressure in my joints, and I'm fairly certain diabetes wouldn't have been too far off, as well as any number of other complications. My time was now, and I had to do what was available to me now. If some other procedure or drug comes up in a few years, I will probably have some emotional things to work through in relation to that. But I will just have to learn to live with it through therapy or support or whatever means I have available. I can totally sympathize with that worry though. 
4. I can hear this too. I get rather obsessive and research things to death before I do them, so I'd consulted most of what's available in the way of scientific studies, medical opinion, and tons of personal anecdotal experience. I can understand regretting not doing so, and I don't know enough about your medical situation to comment further, except to say that for folks with weight issues, assuming you listen to your doctors and follow whatever program they have, it can be a seriously life altering (for the better) procedure that gives you more life and better quality of life, and I sincerely hope that over time, that comes to be the case for you. 

As far as coping strategies, I try to get creative with the foods I can have. Protein Ice cream is a lifesaver for me. I LOOOOOVED ice cream before, and I'd sort of resigned myself to the fact that I was only going to be able to have tiny amounts every great once in awhile post surgery. But finding that recipe made me so happy. There's almost always a healthy substitute for our favorite pre-surgery foods, and some of them are literally just as good and just as satisfying. That's been a big thing for me. Other than that I've just focused on how much better I feel in general with the weight I've dropped so far (60 pounds pre-surgery and about 30 since my surgery). I don't really feel the pressure on my joints anymore. I still get tired easily, but I'm not that far out from surgery, so I have to remind myself I'm still in recovery mode. 

I wish you the best on your journey!

Hi Nura,

I just wanted to check in and say I hope things are looking better!! I understand what you are going through. My daughter and I were sleeved 3 weeks apart. About the time she was getting ready for surgery I went through so many of the same thoughts and emotions. As a mom, I had to bite my tongue so she could make her own decisions. The thing is that at about six weeks out she was 3 weeks out and having those same feelings.

Now at 4 1/2 months out, I am so happy I did this! I am already off of one blood pressure medicine and have not had to have another med for my fibromyalgia a single time this winter. This is a major change I would never have been able to make with out this weight loss.

I applaud  you for seeking help from a therapist. Many people are too proud or stubborn to do so. That is a great step to ensuring you will not fail. The surgeon works on our stomach. You are taking steps to work on the mental factors that contribute to being overweight.

Keep up the good work! You got this!!

My mom and I were sleeved the same day!  It was great.  We had each other for support all the way through.

Hey Coppergirl, thanks for checking in! To be quite honest, I am still struggling. But small victories, I didn't wakeup with severe anxiety attack for the first time this morning.Therapy was helpful and going weekly until I can get a grip over the anxiety and depression.

It's interesting that you held back when you daughter was making her decision. My family also allowed me to make my own decision and I am workin hard not to resent them for not stopping me, it's an irrational thought pattern but I need to get over it

 It's a long road ahead, and focusing on each day and not panicking over tomorrow's unknown. 

I was worried that my depression would color any advice I gave her at that time. Ultimately, just as this was my decision, her decision was her's. She has a hereditary heart condition that could not be controlled  due to here weight. She is also nearing the age that blood pressure has become an issue with EVERY woman in my family. That is a bunch since I have 9 aunts and 20 female cousins. I don't believe I could have forgiven myself if my temporary depression had talked her out of making a positive change. 4 months later her heart is in rhythm and they are talking decreasing meds.

You sound a lot like me in that not having control of your future and dealing with unknowns are scary. My doc says that this can contribute to the depression. Focusing on each day, believing that I will deal with what happens tomorrow when it happens, and placing my faith in God help me to take it step by step.

You are doing great.  This is a long road, But, you can do it and you have a whole lot of people here that are willing to hang in with you!