Need Advice: Dealing w/ significant feelings of regret

You're certainly entitled to your feelings -- whether they chose you or you chose them.  

I can't offer advice, although I'm sure your therapy will help you sort through all this (I started seeing a therapist about 3 years ago, just before my own sleeve surgery).  

But I can offer you my perspective on VSG surgery based on my actual VSG experience.  I had VSG surgery 2.5 years ago.  Since then I haven't suffered ANY downsides from the surgery.  Instead, everything about my life has become better:

1. I've lost 100 pounds and kept every single pound off for over a year.
   
   
2. I'm no longer immobilized by arthritis.
   
   
3. I'm no longer agoraphobic.
   
   
4. I'm much healthier and more fit than I was 3 years ago -- by every measure you could imagine. 
   
   
5. My husband did not have to become my caregiver (and he surely would have, had I not been sleeved and regained my health).  
   
   
6. I can now do physical activities and have adventures and travel the world again like I never could have prior to VSG and losing 100 pounds.  

In short, my reality is very different than your imaginings of your future.  I hope you can find a way to enjoy and appreciate and be continuously grateful for the future that I am pretty sure is going to happen for you.  

In closing, these things I promise you are true:  The first few weeks post-op are NOTHING like the coming months and years will be.  Your appreciation of food will come back, your capacity for food will increase (although it will never be as large as once was), your post-surgical regrets will fade, and as you become more active in the world again you will have a chance to make a life you couldn't have had pre-op as an obese person.  It is, of course, all up to you.  

Again, I'm glad to hear you are in therapy.  It's been a wonderful resource for me.  

Very best to you!  

Thank you VSGAnn2014! I am looking forward to my first therapy session this week - although I rarely allow myself to feel good about this decision - there are moments that I already feel light on my feet and walking faster :) Its always good to hear from folks that are years out. 

What's one is done.  Can't change it.  Thinking about it- makes you live in the  past. "What if"

And since you can't undo it - how about you make a promise to yourself ath from now ion you will do whatever it takes to be a successful VSG.? 

losing weight is not only about the size of the pants - but mostly about other issues.   the size - it is a bonus - IMO.  

I have some issues - but instead of crying taht RNY ruined my life and my gut (it did not- but who knows?) I try to concentrate on teh good things.  and Fix or work with the issues I have... One day at time...

look forward- don't look back - only look back so you don't repeat old mistakes you made.. learn on your past - move on.. 

Don't know if this is what's going on with you but I cried for a week or so about three weeks after my surgery. I was sad about everything. It went away and I've always thought maybe it had something to do with all the drugs in my system 

Post op depression is quite common...and treatable, so you're on the right track seeking therapy

I can totally relate to this!!! got the band in '05. It hasn't functioned since '08 and is broken in several places inside of me. I will be having it removed this year hopefully. I've been thinking about revision to a sleeve, but these are the thoughts that go through my mind every single day!!! 

I am glad you're thinking thoroughly about this decision - its without question a very difficult one. I was very happy and confident with my decision until it became a reality lol - I think that tells you a bit about my personality. 

Then you DID make the right decision.  There are bumpy roads on all journeys.  We learn from them.  We grow from them.  Always remember, as painful as it can be at times - it's about the JOURNEY, not the destination (though that is a huge plus).

This surgery saves lives in different ways.  For some it cures hypertension, diabetes.  It stops the progression of degenerative bone diseases.

This surgery saved my moms life.  Without it, she would have never found the cancerous mass in her abdomen.  She is alive due to this surgery.

We all have our journeys.  When its rough, we're here to help you.  All you have to do is ask.  You have more support than you know.

I want to thank everyone for their advice. I have been reading and re-reading your advice all day and it was very helpful.

I am glad I posted this topic - today was a better day and I will pray that tomorrow continues to be good.

I did not read all the replies, so if I am merely repeating things, please forgive me.  I did want to contribute though.  I went through my soul searching ahead of time, but I went through some of the same things you describe above.  

1. Yes, it is commercialized, and the docs and associated programs make bunches of money.  That does not invalidate the process or make it less effective for you.  

2. Yes, you did make a significant, and elective change to your body, which cannot be undone.  But consider the alternative of deteriorating health, and perhaps a shortened life, as well as one that is lived with much less quality because of weight problems.  

3. Yes, it may happen.  But will it happen in your lifetime?  We do the best with the hand we're dealt.  Waiting for the best possible procedure to come along in the hazy future is akin to waiting for the best possible computer to be built.  And we all know how long the best remains the best.  At least this surgery has been around for a while with a good track record.

4. Yes again.  You could have continued to research, and research, and research, right into inaction.  We are presented with so many choices and so many opinions in today's society that it is easy to become paralyzed and not know what to do.  The good part about this is that you have done it and made your decision.  Why is that good?  It is good from the perspective that you have now narrowed your choices.

The past cannot be unwritten.  Look to your future, and decide that you are going to make it as good as you possibly can.  I had all sorts of fears when I contemplated this surgery, from dying on the table, to hideous side effects and complications. None of that arose.  I have a much smaller stomach than I did before, but it is big enough for me to eat enough to survive, and even be happy.  It is mindset as much as anything, and your therapy should help you with that.  I hope it goes well for you, because once you get over that mindset thing, you will begin to see how much better things can be for you.