Need Advice: Dealing w/ significant feelings of regret

Hi Nura, I'm 12 days out and right in that boat with you. It's a scary and sad place to be, I know. :( Some thoughts.

About 'sane people' simply dieting and eating well, that's a myth. There are no 'sane people' living a blessed life. Every single person breathing has some weakness, some personal overwhelming burden they're struggling to cope with and seeking comfort for. The difference is our coping mechanisms, how visible they are and how accepted by society. Whether overeating, smoking, sex, vanity, anger, perversion, anything done to excess to escape a problem instead of confronting the source, everyone has this challenge. Please don't try to compare yourself to an illusion. You shouldn't try to compare yourself to anyone else at all, but if you must please use a realistic measure. You'll see you're just one among billions all walking the same walk.

Next, I'm also person of faith but my adherence to the traditions of it have fallen off as I grew older. I do pray and did seek guidance from God about my problem. At the same time I resolved to do my best every day. Every single day for decades. I'd get up every morning and say this is the day I'm going to be strong enough to make the change. Fact was I never was strong enough. Maybe that's the message God wanted me to get, that 1.) I needed to grow in faith, and 2.) I was never going to overcome this problem alone. It was simply too big for me. 

My health continued to spiral down and the years kept passing and I began to watch my body fail. I prayed more and basically existed in a state of terror. This next part makes me ashamed because it shows just what a spiritual baby I am but I prayed for change that was acceptable to me. Not thy will be done but thy will be done and please don't kill me because I don't want to alter Your plan but I'd really love to raise my kids. In a way I think this operation was an answer to that prayer. My options and track record considered, it was one of the only things that would've impacted my downward spiral positively short term. And who knows maybe long term as well. Time will tell. I'm very ashamed of my weakness but it is what it is. Full disclosure. Regardless, I know without the shadow of a doubt had I continued on like I was I would've eaten myself into an early grave.

I still have that potential but this virtual iron mouth mask, albeit uncomfortable, has given me a golden opportunity to really do honest work on the source of my problem. Is that not an answer to prayer in itself? I think so. Maybe not the best answer because I wasn't spiritually or emotionally ready for that, but an answer nonetheless. God knows us heart and soul right where we are this moment, knows our capabilities, knows the desires of our hearts, loves us and has plans to prosper and give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Is there any arrogance in it. I can't answer that for you but even if so I'd say it's superficial. All of us want to look good because quite simply we just want to be loved. That is not arrogance in the least. 

The deal is done and I hope we both find peace in it. Try not to worry about what may be because there are no promises. You could have the healthiest natural body alive and still get hit by a car crossing the street just by bad luck. Look for the lesson in the now. What can you learn right where you are right now and how can that serve you in future. Make the best choices you can in the moment. I wish us both the best of luck. We need to hang in there and ride this learning process out. One thing's for certain if God is with us regardless what happens we're going to be just fine.

"sane/educated people just diet and eat well."

Nope. 97+% of all overweight people who diet fail.. and NOT because they are stupid and uneducated!!

Here's something I've thought many times:  If Oprah, with all her money, her private chefs, her private trainers, her private gyms in each of her homes...  if OPRAH, with all her motivation and all the world's eyes on her, failed time and time again to get to where she wanted to be, weight-wise... (altho she's in a pretty good place right now)... why should you or I think we could do any better?  I remember when Oprah lost scads of weight on Optifast, around 1991. When the word got out, man, I just jumped on that bandwagon!! Spent scads of $$, and quickly lost 38 pounds. WOW - it was amazing. And.... Oprah and I both gained it all back, and more, within the year.

Diets. Don't. Work. You and I (and Oprah) and many scientific studies have proven this over and over. Not because we're not sane/educated people - we are. But because of many, many other factors.

The SG is a TOOL. With the help of my tool, and by eating protein first, I can finally control the amount of food I eat, taste pretty much anything I want within reason, and still lose weight and keep it off.

I don't eat slider foods, because of my personal Rule #1: Drink 8 ounces of water*, and then EAT PROTEIN FIRST.  Followed by a couple of bites of vegetables, a bit of fruit... and there's no room left for slider foods. That piece of cake, those cookies, that ice cream cone, even that piece of pizza: no longer tempt me in the least.

You can do this!!!  :)

(*Note: my doctor says I can drink right up to the time I start eating, but then no liquids for 30 minutes after I stop eating; I realize not everyone's doctor has this policy.)

There are a couple significant things that happen at about three weeks or so...  your first stall...  and hormone overload.  Not to discount your buyers remorse, but it could be due to the hormone release.

 

I can't say I ever regretted my surgery.

 

I have gone through a very bad period of my life where i made a lot of bad food choices and drank a lot of alcohol.  I gained back nearly 100 pounds.  But that was because of bad food choices.  Now that I am back to eating as prescribed, I am losing weight well, and my tool works well. 

 

We are here to support you, always.

 

We aren't going to sugar coat things.  I always say, " a turd is still a turd, even if you cover it in chocolate sprinkles."  So expect the truth if you ask for it.

 

Don't discount the choice you've made.  Make the best of it!  Your journey has just begun.

 

Welcome to the losers bench!

I'm sorry you are feeling that way. One of the reasons I choose VSG is because as far as surgery I only made my stomach smaller. In my mind, NO ONE should ever be able to eat the amount I was eating in one sitting. At first I did miss the "roll me out the door" fullness I used to seek. THAT to me was self mutilation! Why in the heck did I do that to myself? Eat until I felt like I was going to burst?!! Keep gaining weight causing numerous diseases and health issues? To me that is self mutilation. This is the best thing I have ever done to myself, for myself!  

I absolutely LOVE this post!  I agree that eating to "stuffed to the gills" fullness was (and is) self mutilation at its finest.  My surgery leveled the playing field and (for me) eliminated that urge!  I have had complications and even with everything I've gone through, I would have surgery every year if need be to maintain the lifestyle I lead now.

This is a new look at self-mutilation that I had never considered before.  I am going to have to consider adding this as an option of questions to my evaluations in the future.

I couldn't agree any more.

As someone that had this procedure in the early days of it as a standalone procedure- I fully agree.

I am thankful that I had a doctor that when I walked in his office in 2007, at 19 years old and 315 pounds, refused to do a lapband on me when they were still commonly performed.

One of the things that my surgeon told me was that our stomach capacity was X% larger than what it needed to be. I can't remember the figure he gave but it really struck me.

Before surgery my normal was stuffed/gorged. As soon as I wasn't stuffed I was ready to eat again. That was my measuring stick. Constantly full. I couldn't hear my bodies messages- and I had no idea what true hunger felt like.

Today, at almost 10 years out, I eat a normal amount at a sitting. I can eat more than I should and sometimes I do- and I pay for it immediately and remember why I don't do that anymore. I still have to work at my weight but I work at it the way a normal person would. The playing field is leveled- and that is the best way to describe it.