People's opinions getting to me

Hi all. It's been 5 weeks since surgery...everything going really well. However now people are bringing up the following issues that are really annoying me. I just want some ideas of non offensive responses to shut them up. 1. Are you going to have loose skin surgery for all that excess you will get? It will look terrible. I've tried explain I'm not thinking about that at the moment. That I'm doing the surgery for health reasons etc but they keep waaing on.  2. Are you worried about all the wrinkles you will get? You are going to look really old. Like seriously wtf? Anyone else had this onslaught? Any suggestions on how to curb the conversation politely?

Dead fish eyes and a long silence gets the point across. If they are really dense and don't feel uncomfortable after you looking at them without talking, you could always ask why it's so important for them to know the answer to that.

If you've been polite & tried to keep them out your business you might have to take a more direct approach. Tell them you don't want to discuss it anymore, tell them they're being rude & insulting. That your medical care is none of their business. They're not saying those things to make you feel good, they're being nosy & making you doubt your decision.

Some people are really really dense & you have to break it down to them.

This really depends on what type of approach you are comfortable with. For the moran who asks about the excess skin and it looking horrible it would depend on how well you knew them. A very casual acquaintance would get some slack from me, and I would just respond with a simply stated response that my goal is to improve my health, and the skin is secondary. A closer acquaintance or someone who knows me better and should just know better might get a more curt answer if they fall in the "frenemy" category- that ***** I will make feel bad. It might be and incredulous look, and then a response of "Wow, you might not have meant to make me feel bad. I am working really hard at improving my health and here you are talking about how horrible I am going to look. If you would like to support me in my journey to health i would appreciate that, but if you have views that are less than supportive then it would be better if you didn't share those with me." If it is someone in between those type, a simple direct gaze in their eyes and a simply stated "that just isn't something I am prepared to discuss with you". Done. Not terribly impolite and if delivered with a gentle tone it is usually still effective at shutting them the f up.

I get the same thing. You can reassure them that the vast majority of wls patients never need skin surgery, in spite of what they may see on tv.   Or ask them if they know anyone who looks much worse after losing weight.  Nobody. Ever.  Just remember they are saying it out of ignorance and there's still a lot of surgery shaming out there.  One of my friends, when hearing I was scheduled for surgery, actually asked me out loud if I'd ever just tried dieting. I almost burst out laughing.

Check them out and see what about them is not so attractive.  Then say something like, "Well, at least I won't have a big nose or big clown feet, or ears that stick out."

It is mean, but they will never comment on your appearance again.

Congrats on being 5 weeks out; how is it going?

I myself wouldn't worry about being overly polite to people who being rude enough to persist in asking about loose skin or wrinkles.  I'd probably say, "Are you seriously asking me that...again?"

Kathy

Nunya...

For things like this, the best plan is to set a boundary and have a script whenever that boundary is crossed.  

For example: "I might, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.  How about the most recent episode of The Walking Dead, can you believe they killed off Carl?!"  

Then, once you have your script, ALWAYS RESPOND THE EXACT SAME WAY.  Seriously.  Don't vary or stray.  The redirection part can change, but the first part shouldn't.  

"I might, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.  What do you think about the snow forecast this weekend?"  

"I might, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.  How about those [insert team name here]."

Etc.  

Eventually, people will understand that this is not a topic that is up for discussion.  

Did they really kill off Carl? Wow, maybe I'll star****ching again. Never liked that kid. 

Good advice!